10/03/2026
October is here, which means Domestic Violence Awareness Month is here. đ
I wish I could say that once you get out, itâs over.
It isnât.
I still have nightmares every once in a while. I still carry things I donât know how to put into words. Sometimes my mind feels broken.
Sometimes I feel broken.
And I think one of the hardest parts is learning how to be ânormalâ when, for so long, my normal was terror, manipulation, coercion, walking on eggshells, questioning myself, and constantly trying to predict someone elseâs mood just so I could feel safe.
Because when youâre in it, you donât always call it abuse.
You tell yourself:
Yes, he makes you cry sometimes⌠but there are really good times too.
Sometimes he can be scary⌠but he loves you so much.
He can be violent⌠but itâs only because you upset him.
He can make you feel absolutely worthless⌠but he can also be so charming.
Youâve thought about leaving⌠but every time you get close, he knows exactly what to say to pull you back in.
He promises heâll change.
He cries.
He apologizes.
He reminds you of all the good times.
And you desperately want to believe him.
Itâs going to be okay this time, right?
He wouldnât actually seriously hurt me, right?
Right?
Thatâs the part people who havenât lived it sometimes donât understand.
Abuse isnât horrible every second of every day.
If it were, leaving might be easier.
There are laughs. There are memories. There are apologies. There are âI love yous.â There are moments when you see the person you fell in love with and convince yourself that this is who they really are.
And then the cycle starts again.
Leaving doesnât magically erase what happened, either.
Sometimes your body leaves long before your mind realizes itâs finally safe.
Iâm still healing.
Iâm still learning.
Iâm still trying to figure out who I am when Iâm not living in survival mode.
But I am free.
And if you are reading this while living in something that sounds even remotely familiar, I am happy to talk to you.
If youâre trying to leave an abusive situation, if youâre terrified and donât know how, or if youâre not ready to leave but just need someone to hear youâI will listen.
No judgment.
No âwhy didnât you just leave?â
No pressure.
Sometimes the first step is simply telling someone the truth about what is happening behind closed doors.
You deserve to know that a life exists beyond survival.
You deserve to feel safe in your own home.
You deserve love that doesnât hurt you, scare you, control you, or make you question your worth.
And if youâre not ready to leave today, I hope you at least start believing that you deserve the chance to someday. đ
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Text START to 88788
thehotline.org
You are allowed to want more than survival. đ
