Better Regulate Than Never

Better Regulate Than Never I am a teen anxiety coach. I teach the skills to quiet the anxious brain.

09/08/2026

You can trust your child and still worry about them.
You can be proud of them and still be sad.
They can be very capable and still need your support.

All of those things can be true at the same time, and it's okay that two things are true.

09/07/2026

When a kid leaves for college, everyone asks the parents "How's it going? How do they like it?"

Almost nobody asks the parent "How are YOU doing?"

Last week on the podcast I talked about the grief students feel when they get to school. This week it's the other side: the grief parents feel when their child leaves home. Your life looks more "normal" than theirs, but it's still a transition, and it counts.

New episode of The Teen Anxiety Maze is out. Link in bio.

09/03/2026

Most of what your college freshman is feeling right now is just... new. Homesick, overwhelmed, missing their people. Normal stuff.

But there's a line between "adjusting" and something that needs more than a phone call home.

Not going to class at all. Not eating or sleeping. Not able to do the basic stuff — brushing teeth, laundry. Not leaving the room in weeks. Using substances to cope. Saying anything about self-harm.

If any of that shows up, this isn't a "give it time" moment. Get them connected to campus counseling or another real support, and do it now — the decisions kids make in that low point are the ones they can't take back.

Parents of college freshmen: bookmark this one.

09/02/2026

When your college kid calls you upset, here's the framework I use with families: the four Ns.

Notice — what are you feeling, what are you missing, what are you avoiding? Just name it, neutrally, before doing anything else.

Normalize. Neutralize. Next best step. (More on the last three in the full episode — this clip is just "notice.")

Try this the next time your kid calls stressed: don't fix, don't dismiss. Just help them notice first.

09/01/2026

Something I don't say enough on this page: I dropped out of college my first semester.

Not because I hated it. Because I'd lived in the same house, in the same town, with the same kids, since I was born. And then I didn't.

Nobody talks about that part of the college transition — that even the good, chosen, exciting version of it is still a loss. You're allowed to grieve people and places you were also glad to leave behind.

If your kid seems fine but also a little wrecked right now, that's not a contradiction. That's just what this actually feels like.

08/31/2026

Your college freshman isn't just "adjusting." They might actually be grieving — and grief has stages, even when nobody died.

Denial: "I'm fine, I don't need help."
Anger: blaming the school, the roommate, themselves.
Bargaining: "If I just come home every weekend..."
Sadness: homesick, low, unmotivated.
Acceptance: still uncomfortable sometimes, and that's normal too.

They don't go in order. Your kid might hit two in one phone call. If you can name which one you're hearing, you'll know how to actually respond to it.

08/28/2026

When your student calls you upset, ask them this before you say anything else:

"Do you want me to listen, do you want me to help you brainstorm, or do you want me to give you an idea of what you could do next?"

That one question tells you what they actually need, and it stops you solving a problem they only wanted to say out loud.

One caveat. If they tell you the same problem over and over and only ever want you to listen, that is the point to say "we need an actual plan."

Save this for the next phone call.

08/27/2026

Your freshman does not need to find their people in week one.

Not every friend is the same. Not every friend is your best friend. The person you talk to in that one class, or at dinner, is a real friend, and there is nothing wrong with it stopping there.

I have friends I only ever saw at work. I was so glad to have them. We never did a single thing outside of it. That counted.

Send this to a student who thinks they are behind.

08/26/2026

If you asked your college freshman what is hardest right now, which one would they pick?

Keeping up with everything. Meeting new people. Asking for help. Stress and overthinking. Sleep and energy. Roommates and boundaries.

I am taking this question to a back-to-campus event this week, with a card of strategies for every single one. The full episode is on YouTube, and I am posting all six strategies here this week.

Which one would your student pick? Tell me below.

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