03/11/2024
During my break, I took some much-needed time to reflect—on what I want to achieve, how I got to where I am, and the choices I've made along the way. To truly heal and move forward, I need to be honest with myself.
I’ll admit, I’ve made poor choices. While I’ve owned up to recent mistakes, there are others I haven’t addressed. I let the influence of others dictate who I was. I told myself, and everyone else, that I stream purely for fun and connections. But that isn’t the whole truth. The reality is, I don’t want to be someone who puts on a fake face just to be successful. I want to succeed while being genuine—while being me. The truth is, I stream not just for pleasure, but as a career. This is my work.
I have my limitations. We all do. But for me, working a traditional job—eight hours a day, on my feet, enduring pain—is nearly impossible. I’ve pushed my body to the brink, leading to flare-ups of pain and debilitating spasms that would leave me immobile on weekends, scrambling to recover for the next work week. Streaming allows me to work within my physical boundaries while still contributing.
Times are tough for everyone. With the cost of living constantly rising, I live in a multi-generational home out of necessity. Even with shared expenses, managing finances is still overwhelming. A household of seven means grocery bills that I dread calculating. Weekly trips can range anywhere from $400 to $700, depending on what’s needed. We strive to keep our pantry stocked for everyone’s dietary needs. Streaming is my way of doing my part—of helping my family financially. But streaming comes with its own set of costs—equipment upkeep, buying new games to stay relevant, supporting other streamers who support me, investing time in networking, building content, even outfits and makeup—the list goes on.
Being open about this may hurt me or add fuel to the ongoing rumors, but I’m not greedy, corrupted, or selfish. I am a mom, a partner, a daughter. I’m fighting to do my part, to support my family, and to build something I can be proud of. My goal is simple: yes, I want to become a Twitch Partner, to be monetized on YouTube, and to create content that my kids can look back on and say, “Wow, look what Mom did.” I want them to be proud of me.
Who doesn’t want that? Does saying that out loud make me less of a person? I would hope not. I hope that by being truthful, I’ll grow—as a creator, as a mom, and as a person.