21/05/2016
In case you were wondering, the Chives is no more. We decided to pull an LCD Soundsystem and end it on a high note rather than letting it become unfunny. We’ve tried a succession plan for post-graduation, but decided to rather end something well than let it become another empty Calvin tradition. Plus, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’ve pretty much exhausted all the satire we could have made about this college.
When Jared and I came up with this ridiculous idea late one night in the coffee kitchen, we couldn’t have imagined it going on this long or getting this big. Since then, our other staff writers, Michael and Grant, have contributed some essential headlines and ideas. There were also some golden ones from our readers – Kendra Kamp made the fake new logo, for example, and some disgruntled alumni doled out some headlines on financial mismanagement. We’ve also been grateful for the absurdities Calvin has provided to us for free – from an incredibly out of touch administration, a wildly contradictory student body, to mumps.
It’s been a great experience, and we’re glad that you were here for the ride. For ourselves, we’ve learned the essential life skills of writing private-Christian-college specific satire on demand and creating questionable Photoshop designs. We may or may not put this on our resumes.
Alright, we’re done here.
- James (the guy second from left)
Ps. I should note that when we started off and made a post about Byker being the campus bike thief, RDs were asked by Byker to find out who was behind this project. So, hello, Mr. Byker. We hope that our small satirical page didn’t bother your retirement too much. And we hope that your $10,000,000 Lake Michigan house sells.
Pps. We were told that it was somebody’s job at admissions to read all online posts about Calvin to gauge peoples’ opinions. This included EVERY SINGLE POST by the Calvin Chives. So to that person – your job here is done. The war is over. You are now free.
