The real world gets The Onion. Calvin gets The Chives. Its stories should not be interpreted as fact unless it specifically says it is so.
The Calvin Chives is a satirical publication - its content is intended to be fictional and tongue-in-cheek. The Calvin Chives never writes about real-life individuals, and its use of last names is randomly generated. If the Calvin Chives does offend you, you probably aren't its target audience and you probably should read this other satirical publication, the Calvin Chimes, instead.
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