03/30/2026
Somewhere between cooking Stephanie White’s dinners and defending movie quotes, I found a moment to sit down with her and share something that’s followed me my entire career.
At 18 years old, I experienced my first LODD.
It wasn’t just someone in my department. It was someone I knew. Someone I sweated through recruit school with. Someone I truly called friend. Someone I was thankful to have one last exchange with on a call just an hour before we pulled up to the overturned squad that would take his life that December evening in 1999.
The truth?
It doesn’t get any easier as time passes.
The only change?
I’ve learned to carry it. That acceptance took years though. I tried to erase it many times.
As more “bad calls” stack up over time, you start to realize how the early ones shape you. That call, and how everything was handled in the hours/days after, left a permanent mark on how I will always see this job. It shaped how I lead, how I live my life, and most importantly - how I will never stop being there for others and their mental wellbeing.
It’s 2026 and we have finally normalized the words “mental health” in the Fire Service. What a win this was. Saying the words are just the start though.
The process in how we handle those moments and days after is truly something that shouldn’t be over complicated.
Be honest with yourself, it’s ok to say you’re not ok. Be honest with others, vulnerability isn’t a dirty word. And understanding that owning the incredibly dark trauma is something that you will have to do on this job.
Just simply be there for people. I can tell you from experience, that when these calls come, and they will - you need time to work through the steps at your own pace. In the heat of the moment is NOT this time to peel the fresh layers back. Time, space, and people knowing you’re standing in the their shadow is the only recipe.
And for those in a position to lead, remember this:
Your people are carrying things you can’t see. Things they’re not sure they’re allowed to talk about.
Make it clear that they can AND without fear of judgment. As a leader, nothing will be more rewarding than the trust your people gift you by sharing their darkest moments.
The strongest thing you can do as a leader is stand silently with your arms open in these moments.