10/02/2025
A tribute to my mom:
Two years without you.
I’ve picked up the phone a few times to call you and share about my day…then realized you were my habit, and you’re not there…
I miss our late night talks when I was young—when I was getting older—mostly when I became a mom, myself…usually catching you on your way into the bathroom…”impeccable timing” you’d say…and I waited every time, for you to call me back. There was always so much to say. Always available by phone even in the worst distractions, and so hard to get you all to myself (being the 3rd of 4) but, we called each other a lot, and we became friends.
We had a volatile, intense, demanding relationship—I grew from every criticism. I explored every critique and created self-awareness. I appreciated every accolade and grew a healthy esteem.
Mothers are that way. At least you were…hyper-critical, demanding of excellence, button-pushing, intense, but you were always there. Catch 22…life with you. Life without you. I’m still me.
Mom, I miss you. No matter how unnerving you could be, I know you always had my back. You were brutally honest and man did you expect a lot! Well, it’s served me brilliantly to become myself.
I loved/hated you every step of the way, and my heart broke that I didn’t get to say my final goodbye…missing you by just a few hours between Florida and New York. Would it have made a difference? We broke! All of us! Knowing you were gone and torn because you were out of pain.
Life sucks that way, in all of its paradoxical magnanimity I know you knew. You loved my salads and my poetry…you said you lived vicariously through me because I was a different kind of bold courageous.
I miss that you got me…as no one else ever has and you could hate me all you wanted but you still had to love me… because I was your kid…and hey, ain’t that the way love works anyway?
I’ve it before and I’ll it again…we left it on the table in this go-around but doesn’t make it any easier.
So, wherever you are in this great Universe, know that I’m thinking of you and feeling the great value of your contribution in my life. Wish you were here.
You made me nuts like nobody else. I know! Right back at ya! I love you.
