Words to Live By

16/06/2025

I don’t often say I love you
I was taught that love is tough
Rather communicated in shows
Hoping it’s enough

I don’t often say I love you
I was taught that love is pain
Angry, loud, and abusive acts
No one but myself to blame

I don’t often say I love you
Actions speak louder than words
I hope you get the message
It’s not limited to what you heard

I don’t often say I love you
A spoken promise, a sacred vow
To be open, honest, and vulnerable
Even when I don’t know how

I don’t often say I love you
It feels needy and scary and strange
To pledge my love to anyone when
I’m ao afraid of change

I don’t often say I love you
Afraid I’d lose all control
And reveal the depth of my heart
Expose myself to my soul

I don’t often say I love you
I assure you that I do
And when I finally say these words
Know from the depth of my heart, it’s true.

Penny M Polokoff (c) 2025 all rights reserved.

Photo Credit: Reddit

03/02/2025

Letter to my soul…
(Often projected on others)

Sometimes I’m not sure how I feel…
Sometimes it’s all I can do to get air in my lungs and keep my attention out…
And ither times I cannot see beyond my own self-absorption, inner-critic, or monkey mind.

I know what to do.
I can take care of myself. I trust the process.

I don’t think I can get through it without you. I know you’re there. I feel your attention.

I love you watching me.

(C) 2025 all rights reserved
Penny M. Polokoff-Kreps

Photo credit: Soul Medicine

02/02/2025

To Live My Life’s Purpose

My greatest challenges in life,
perfection could not contain.
All the growth experienced,
came from knowing pain.

At first it was a gnawing,
in a general abyss,
and over time became a friend, transforming into bliss.

The intimacy of studying
all that there was to let go,
and realizing my attention
was what it took to grow.

So now that I am starving you
and no longer want you here,
I am being courageous,
in wiping our slate bare.

I'm filling up the pages of my notebook with love and joy,
no longer engaging shadow,
unless it's to destroy...

The shrapnel of the victim
now torn apart in shreds,
living from my heart center,
shutting off my head

Embracing love in dignity
to find my unique light,
and live my earthly purpose, integrating my soul's delight.

(C) 2025 All rights reserved
Penny Polokoff-Kreps

Image credit: bio-soul integration center

25/01/2025

Beloved…

My friend
My lover
Valued above
Any other

Reflection of self
All that is good
Standing beside me
Right where you should

My partner, My lover
My guide, My heart
Love simmers deeply
When we are apart

Awake to the new day
A smile on your face
Relishing moments
No time can replace

(c) 2025 Penny M. Polokoff
All rights reserved

Photo credit: 9 Types of Lovers

06/01/2025

Breaking Point

The trauma bond that we called love
Has like a spell been broken
Free of all the little lies of false hopes that were spoken

I’m breathing deeper now that you’re gone my nervous system restored
Feelin aligned with myself again away from the terror you roared

The image in the mirror is clearer now through the lense of love and light
You were a beautiful distraction
Nowhere near worth the fight

So I’m choosing me and God’s true love and once again I start
Grateful for the growth that came and returned me to my heart

(c) 2025 all rights reserved
Penny M Polokoff

Photo credit: Freepik

01/01/2025

I’m sorry

I never meant to hurt you
Never meant to drive a wedge
Never meant to criticize you
Love’s the cutting edge

Everything that was good was great
Revealing where to grow
Conflict resolution’s student
Learning way too slow

Reactive is not love but
Everything that betrays
Wash and rinse the shadow out
Until it’s only love that stays

The transformation of intimacy
The opening of a soul
Connecting to another
As the future life unfolds

Fearful and unrehearsed
Is easy to sabotage
Underneath the love awaits
An arsenal of rage, a barrage

And when unskilled and waivering
Resisting loves sweet grace
Bad behavior exemplified
Leaving without a trace

Unrequited broken hearts
So perfect yet such a mess
If only to apologize and
My wrongs confess

We loved with all our heart and soul
We did our very best
And it just was not enough
To move theough lifetimes of stress

I feel you ripping from my life
My body hurts, mind is scattered
Missing everything that was good
And the pieces that now lie tattered

Yes. This is love when you’re healing
This is love no matter what
And in the wake of love now reeling
And feeling it in the gut

Love is not to apologize
Love is not to try
Love resolving to stay on course
Love is not goodbye

Photo credit: bluerose publisher

22/12/2024

Lies

I won’t diminish the fact that you contributed to my life
But it won’t change the truth
I’m someone else’s wife

I loved you with transparency
I gave you my whole heart
You used it all against me
When you chose to part

I’m certain this was hard for you
But the truth has been revealed
And now I definitely would not choose you
For the lies that you concealed

A criminal, a pervert
Your hidden ill intentions
All the crazy little things
That you forgot to mention

You saw the opportunity
To take what you could from me
All the benefits of having a wife
With no responsibility

I am angry and beside myself
Although this grief will pass
Until you do your own work
Nothing good can last

No more worrying about you
Or trying to play along
I had a moment of weakness
And now my resolve is strong

You pretend really well
I thought you were my friend
A supportinve and evolving trip
Right up to the end

It was always me
I projected so much good on you
I’m doing better now you’re gone
And only time will prove

That we shared in a perfection
That two have seldom shared
I walk away with self respect
Knowing that I cared

Photo credit: On Emotional Intimacy - Elizabeth Gilbert

22/12/2024

Faith

You made me believe in love again
Then reminded me why I stopped
Trusting what we were creating was real
Until the other shoe dropped

It all worked while I played perfect
You lost interest when s**t got real
I would have stayed forever
You just couldn’t deal

Immature and frightened
Are we still little kids
Going tit for tat again
Look at what you did

Okay, so you felt some pain
You’ve been avoiding it for a long time
But you chose to play victim
And pretend that all was fine

Didn’t want to face your anger
Tried to avoid a broken heart
We should’ve known we’d end up here
Resisted from the start

So the next time I have a chance to love
I’ll be sure a man has the guts
To go the distance with a woman like me
And not define me as “nuts”

Because my faith is bigger than
Than the darkness that tries to break
Every beautiful opportunity
That might be worth the stakes

I will always dive in head first
And risk it all for growing
You didn’t have what it takes
Your true colors showing

I’m still me and I don’t quit
I will continue on my own
And keep the love inside flowing
Inside my faith I’m home

By Penny Polokoff-Kreps
(C) 2024 all rights reserved

Photo credit: kenneth copeland ministries - Faith in Love

21/12/2024

Gone

Deleted all the photos
Erased your memory
I never imagined
This is where we’d be

You put on a great performance
You really had me wrapped
Around your little finger
Until you had me trapped

Gaslighted to perfection
Surrendered fear unto your rage
You love bombed me relentlessly
Built me a guilded cage

A cage it was nevertheless
I’ve finally broken free
You were right in the beginning
You meant way too much to me

I was being authentic
Honest, open, and real
I mistook your promise of love
As my permission to heal

And heal I did beyond my dreams
No longer feel aligned
So I let go of all we had
And move on with what is mine

No longer willing to contribute
Not mine to shape and hold
The love affair has ended
I didn’t need to be told

I do what is best for me
There’s nothing left to say
What we had’s completely gone
And I’m better off this way

Photo Credit: sandjest

21/12/2024

Projection

I have wounds of my own
And yours are hard to see
How can I know
If you don’t tell me

You say I should be capable
You say I should be able to tell
Sometimes being with you
Is nothing short of hell

You love me than you disappear
You are present then shut down
You don’t want to interact
But still want me around

You are a great communicator
Love bombs all the time
Until you have your feelings hurt
I only know because you try to hurt mine

How could I possibly know
That you’re in all this pain
You never say a single word
And then level me with blame

You say I’m disrespectful
You say that I’m unkind
You withhold your love from me
And then leave me behind

You have me so confused again
Your gifts and poetry
You pull me close, push me away
Why not just set me free

I gave my heart and honesty
I loved with my whole being
But nothing changed inside you
Incapable of seeing

The beauty in my reflection
That was yours for the taking
You resisted and you made me wrong
No interest in waking

You’re love is so conditional
I had no idea
That you live in a world
That is run by shame and fear

That’s not the world I live in
I wish I could have seen
The darkness that was plaguing you
And why you were so mean

Now I’m glad it’s over
I’m detoxing from it all
The manipulation game you played
That I made you feel small

I never wished you anything
But light and love and grace
And now I’m peeling out the hurt
That remains in your place

I will always love you
It’s all I ever meant
But I no longer settle
There’s nothing I resent

My heart is forever changed
My love was pure and sweet
And I will treat you with dignity
If ever we should meet

This time has meant the world to me
My experience Divine
I wished you could have felt it too
Separate stories yours and mine

The honesty and integrity
You hoped would set you free
Could not be destroyed
By the judgement you had on me

So I’m happy that it’s over
That my light is shining true
Letting go, whatever it takes
To detox myself from you

I projected all my love on you
And it colored you in a perfect way
I could not see the real you
Until you broke my heart that day

Image Credit: https://www.existentialistspodcast.com/show-notes/ep-6-ghosting-projection-withdrawal-amp-abandonment

18/12/2024

We lose

I can’t stand this feeling inside
I could have done better
Should have let my heart decide

I reacted and you reacted, too
That version of us is gone forever
Can we still break through

We should have taken a break
One to allow for healing
Neither of us had the courage
To share what we were feeling

Fast forward, it’s over and done
Two hearts broken, nobody won
Love and trust let go and destroyed
Adult lives run by inner girl and boy

A beautiful relationship thrown away
Everything might have changed
Had we waited one more day

Two impetuous fools fighting against eachother
Two heartbroken children seeking freedom from the smother

It’s scary stuff this intimacy
We want it and resist it too
I know I could’ve done better
And now I’m missing you

We said some ugly things and I can’t even remember what
But now I’m left in tatters with a pain deep in my gut

I love you more today
and even more tomorrow
That was our promise made
and now we’re left in sorrow

The healing that it takes
to create a loving space
is one so hard to recognize
caught up in life’s rat race

We stopped putting in the effort
and took ourselves for granted
Love was lost inside the pain
and hurt that we both ranted

Neither of us listening
saying the same things
And now to feel all over
the pain the break up brings

I still really love you
and I don’t want to go
You said you won’t do the work
that it takes to grow

Maybe you’d have changed your mind
if I’d backed off a bit
But it’s too late and now you’re gone and I just feel like s**t

Exhausted and confused
that we could not stand together
and weather the storms of emotion
in the promise of forever

There is no turning back now
on what was said and done
Two hearts now separated
and the war for love not won

Found on Google from findmycenter.org