The Winooski

The Winooski The Winooski - Locally Sourced, Organic Vermont Satire!
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Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

Are you trying to move up an office? Let us know in the comments so we can vote for you!
01/24/2020
Hinesburg Fence Viewer Announces Candidacy For Cemetery Commissioner

Are you trying to move up an office? Let us know in the comments so we can vote for you!

HINESBURG – A wave of candidacy announcements has swept Hinesburg after the local fence viewer resigned in preparation for his run for cemetery commissioner. Bill Walls, who served as fence v…

How else can they run so many campaigns?
01/21/2020
Vermont Introduces “Paid Political Leave” Bill

How else can they run so many campaigns?

MONTPELIER – Politicians have a very rough go of things, according to many local politicians, and since they are the ones who make the laws they are in a unique position to do something about…

Syrup & Cows #137 - Hope
01/19/2020

Syrup & Cows #137 - Hope

The yeti also escaped unharmed.
01/17/2020
All Children Safe After Most Recent Yeti Attack

The yeti also escaped unharmed.

MORETOWN – No children were injured after a yeti picked up the school bus they were riding on and threw it into a ditch on the side of Moretown Common Road yesterday afternoon. Police arrived…

What will it take for a Vermont director to be nominated?
01/13/2020
Vermont Once Again Shut Out of Best Director Category

What will it take for a Vermont director to be nominated?

WINOOSKI – When the 92nd annual Academy Award nominations were announced this morning, there was no cry of shock when the best director contenders were announced. While many had been hopeful,…

Syrup & Cows #136 - Snow Creemee
01/12/2020

Syrup & Cows #136 - Snow Creemee

Ayup
01/08/2020

Ayup

#truth

"Don't figure we need it. Don't figure we don't."
01/08/2020
Residents Unaffected By New Dummerston Highway Sign

"Don't figure we need it. Don't figure we don't."

DUMMERSTON – Dummerston, VT was approved by state highway officials this month for new signs to be placed along the highway. The new signage would be used to indicate the location of Dummerst…

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01/06/2020
SURVEY: Many Vermonters Unable to Identify Satire

Looks like we need to post this again...

WINOOSKI – In an unscientific survey taken by extremely popular, successful, and good-looking media outlet The Winooski, it was revealed that a large number of Vermonters are unable to identi…

Syrup & Cows #135 - Dude...
01/05/2020

Syrup & Cows #135 - Dude...

The farmers are finding it difficult to remain optimistic.
01/04/2020
ICE Deports Several Robot Milking Machines Back to Cybertron

The farmers are finding it difficult to remain optimistic.

GLOVER – Immigration Customs and Enforcement (ICE) agents have raided a farm in Glover, VT after receiving an anonymous tip that illegal aliens were being employed in the dairy barn. Transfor…

So long, 2019! You've been a real collection of 365 days!
12/31/2019
2019: A Look Back at Vermont’s Most Recent Year Ever

So long, 2019! You've been a real collection of 365 days!

Is there anything that one might want to recall about the year that is, was, and has been 2019? Why look to the past when we could be preparing for the future? I’ll tell you why; so we don…

Syrup & Cows #134 - Resolved
12/29/2019

Syrup & Cows #134 - Resolved

Merry Christmas! Hope you got something nice!
12/25/2019
America Spends Day Trying to Be More Like Christ Financially

Merry Christmas! Hope you got something nice!

WINOOSKI – In a nation that has firm boundaries on the separation between church and state, most of America spent December trying to become as poor as Christ by spending all of their money on…

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Comments

Sometimes the truth is funnier than anything we can make up...
Two kids one white kid and one another Different nationally. ages 7-9 year olds from west area winnoski just stole my kids bike this evening. While he was picking wild black-raspberries And if u see it. Please text me 8023106445 or call winnoski police. They are aware of it. Thank you.
They want to save the trees but do not care about the grass their signs are killing!
• Grow Businesses • Create Positive Change in Your Communities • Revolutionize the Future of Food https://www.facebook.com/events/1874870925962525/
For some strange reason bathtub drownings have risen drastically. In other news: CBD Oil Bath Bombs sales have been steadily increasing.
It looks like your page has been taken down. What's up with that?
Please note that Vermont's Electoral Primaries Take Place, Tuesday August 14 and not on Tuesday, August 18 as stated in the article by Jill Allen. The author of said article regrets the error and takes full responsibility for not researching the proper date.Please vote on Tuesday, August 14 in the primaries because your vote. matters.