01/05/2025
April 30th, 2025 was the 50th anniversary of the Fall of Saigon. For most Vietnamese living abroad, it marks the end of freedom, the loss of their country, and is considered a day of mourning. Concurrently, in Việt Nam this day is celebrated as Reunification Day, where the “American invaders” were defeated and the country reunited as one. The duality of this day for most of my life often leaves me w/ feelings of pain and also confusion.
Growing up as a second generation Vietnamese-American in the US felt like walking on a balance beam. Stable enough to walk just so long as I stayed focused and on the right path. Which had to be the perfect balance of both Vietnamese and American. Often times, I would lose balance, falling to either my Vietnamese side or my American side. This struggle shaped dialectic feelings that I had within myself - a desire to fit in when I was younger and a yearning to understand who I was as I grew older. This desire to know myself continued to grow brighter like a flame from within once I met my husband and had my own children. Then COVID happened and it was the fuel that ignited our decision to leave behind all that we knew and loved in hopes of finding what we were searching for. Fate also intervened when my company twisted my arm to leave which cemented our plan. Michael sold our business, we put our house up for short term rental, and 6 months later we landed in Đà Nẵng, VN!
This experience for the past 2 years has been exciting, terrifying, eye opening. Forever life changing. We have made more time for our little family of 4, been improving our Vietnamese skills, enjoying the local cuisine, traveling throughout this beautiful country, and building life-long friendships. This is truly a “home away from home” for us.
Also, during our time here we’ve made a very conscious effort to learn about the history of Việt Nam through reading, visiting museums, and mostly through conversation with our Việt friends. What I’ve come to realize is that no side is without fault, so there’s no use in othering and pointing fingers. At the core, we are all people who wanted similar things. Both sides dreamed of a better life for themselves and their loved ones. And both sacrificed so much, including millions of lives, to try and obtain that dream. Unfortunately, and maybe fortunately, my husband and I are children of the losing side. What he and I have realized being over here is that through the many misfortunes of the Vietnam War (aka the American War to the Vietnamese), we are over here now, grateful for the life that we have. It does not go unnoticed that by shear luck for us, but by blood, sweat and many tears of our parents and grandparents that we have had a wonderful life. We are grateful for our families’ sacrifices and also grateful for Việt Nam for being so accepting of us. April 30th, in our eyes, can continue to coexist as a day of mourning and a day of celebration. We are grateful for the opportunity to continue balancing on both sides, always not quite Viet.
P.S. this pic is of my grandpa and of my auntie in the Daily Oklahoman ❤️ ❤️
https://youtu.be/QGYrGEev0Gs?si=p5xkjxePkZ5S9Ujk
