03/10/2023
When I love you, I will trust you blindly. I will believe all your promises. I will not doubt it when you express how you feel for me. I will understand more than you tried to explain when you mess up. I will say sorry to myself from your side. I will forgive you. I will open my arms again. I will love you the same, again. That’s how stupid I become when I love someone. It’s idiotic, I know. But it’s also pure, so pure that it hurts my heart for loving someone with so much purity.
Sometimes, I feel pity on myself. You know that “Aww, poor you” feeling we have when we see our favorite character on screen getting fooled and hurt over and over again. Sometimes, I feel that somewhere up in the skies God and angels must be feeling that for me. But back to reality, no one cares, no one. I have to suffer for my innocence. I have to bear the pain of my stupidity. I have to burn in anger for getting my heart broken.
And you know the worst part? I can’t even hate that person. I try. I almost try to force myself to hate that person. But the love I have felt overpowers the raging fire inside. The love seeps into my dried dead soul. And then the worst I can do to that person is to do nothing at all. I can’t even curse. I can’t even wish bad. I can just smile and walk away. And how tragic it is that you have got such a good heart that you can’t do bad to people who have done so bad to you. It’s the curse you carry when you carry within a pure soul.
But let’s forget the bad, ugly part. The goodness of love is still too good to let go because of fear. I know how my soul lights up when it feels connected to another soul. I love that feeling when I feel like a kid with someone, when I enjoy the tiniest of things with the biggest of smiles on my face because I am with the person I absolutely adore. Just that touch of hand in hand feels like you are floating in peace. You feel at home, anywhere with that person. You feel protected. You feel loved. You feel special. And most importantly, you feel alive. How can you not fall in love again when it’s the only thing that’s close to God?
~ Rahul Kaushik
To read more such writings, you can order my debut book on my website