Kimi Talks

Kimi Talks is trying

13/05/2025

nói chuyện với người lớn thấy ngộ ngộ. mình thấy mình ngộ ngộ. hic. muốn kết nối với mọi ngừi phải biết cố gắng và nỗ lực. nhưng càng lớn thấy càng có sức làm nhìu điều. thôi cố lên.

13/05/2025

đang ngồi học bài, điện thoại call người iu (he coi youtube). thấy vui quá nên nhắn nó ê ngồi đây với mày vui phết. xong he kêu nay dui dữ dzậy lúc nào cũng phải dzui nghe chưa. nghe xong xém khóc khum hỉu sao.

07/05/2025

Hồi này lên MXH thấy người ta phân tích red flag green flag quá nhiều khi nhảy màu. Cái đầu overthinking này mà ngày ngày đi lần mò phân loại các kiểu hành động gắn cờ xanh đỏ để loại trừ nó ngay lập tức trước khi nó làm mình táo bón thì thôi rồi. Trầu ơi không có nỗi. Cỡ này phải vào chùa. Làm hông lại ai.

07/05/2025

Thôi cứng rắn lên Minh à. Nói thật sự đang ngồi ở nhà mà nhớ nhung người ta đâu bên Đức. Yêu ai thích ai mình cũng hết mình. Nhiều khi tự hỏi làm vậy người ta ăn hiếp hông? Thôi, người ta ăn hiếp thì người ta tự làm tình làm tội, lo nghĩ làm gì. Viết nốt cái i-meo rồi khóc lóc gì thì khóc lóc. Đi tiếp để mà làm gì? Để mà dù quằn quại thì không ngày nào hối tiếc. Cỡ mình chơi ít ít người thôi mà chơi chất lượng, chơi rộng rãi nhiều khi bị dị nghị tại nhiều khi mình cũng ngồ ngộ, không biết cười nói xã giao gì. Hơi lắc lắc chỗ ấy, nhưng Minh dễ thương mà, nhỉ?

22/03/2025

Ngồi nhà chán ơi là chán. Nhưng biết ơn vì không ai làm phiền mình. Cứ đắn đo không biết có nên đi cà phê không. Nhưng nghĩ một lát thì thấy chắc thôi. Mình để dành tiền xăng, có cần thì sử dụng. Còn chiếc thẻ ở trường. Còn một tuần nữa lại gặp anh. Không biết giải quyết tiền bạc như nào luôn. Không biết phải tạm biệt như nào. Nhưng thôi cứ bình thường. Phải cho nhau kiên cường mà đi tiếp, chứ mèo nheo thì được gì. Vui vẻ là quan trọng hơn hết. Nhỉ?
Thôi phải đi cà phê, chứ ngán quá. Suy nghĩ quá trời quá sức.

16/02/2025

It was such a long weekend. I know what was coming, so I ran towards my friends for protection and comfort. I am grateful for Muoi, Kahn, Han and Hari, who were there with me during this difficult time. I haven't figured out a way to mourn the passing of my grandfather. I hope he finds the peace he deserves in his next life. Grandpa, if your spirit still lingers in this Earth, you can always visit and seek peace next to me. I am learning to live life fully, embracing its beginnings and goodbyes.
--
When I reflects on my dating journey, I realized that it erased my long-standing misconception that I was undatable. I enjoy the way I am loved by Hari. He brings the gentleness and sophistication I craved so much from my past partner. I learned that it is okay to need somebody's help. Needing someone's assistance becomes positive. Seeing the friends around me, I understand that people stick together essentially because they need each other.
--
I try to not let past memories deceive me. They are trying to tell me different stories. But I figure I will work on moving forward, living in the moment and the past will reconcile itself.

14/01/2025

I hope that you won't care about her anymore. Apparently she brings nothing to the table but anxiety and fear. These people have nothing to offer and nothing to inspire. They are merely shells. They envy your freshness and curiosity for the world. From today I will only trust myself and myself only. The people I choose as I venture through the world are the only people I will trust. Hate is okay. Hate is an emotion, just like love is an emotion. She does not have friends that lift her feet every day and an incredibly supportive boyfriend. She does not have knowledge and outlook of the world. She is not beautiful and cute. She lived under people's shadows all her life. She will never have the life I aspire to have and will have. She cannot turn nobody around and make them love her so much. She does not have any courage to stand up for herself and her children. She has nothing. She has no love. Death will come and claim her miserable life, as it should.
And I hope, Kimi, that this fact gives you courage. Live for today. Be brave and smile. Because many people watch themselves die day by day, with no way to return. I felt before that I should not be angry. But maybe I should. This world is fu**ed up. My parents are fu**ed up. And any day now I feel like I was left alone to fend for myself. I find peace when I realize that life already punished these people.

13/01/2025

I tried my best. But today I was disappointed by my family, yet again. So right now I am a bit sad. Everything feels a bit familiar, but not in a good way. In a few days all will pass. And I will be alright. I pray for a day that I don't have to stay in contact with my parents, my grandparents and my relatives. Sometimes I feel incredibly lonely in my journey. Which is okay. For me it is just life. I am grateful for my boyfriend, who is in a call with me right now. Maybe it's the best I could ask for. I am grateful for my friends. I am grateful for me, a little fighter. I am grateful for everyone who chose to be kind towards me. Sometimes I think it's funny. A stranger from 3 months ago treats me better than some people who have known me my whole life. People I just met recently on campus and in camp treat me better. Music accompanies me better than anyone.
---
Here's for my dream. My dream is to have a family. A family that I can love. I know that that means my journey will be harder than others since I also have to take care of other aspects in my life. Which means I should be strong. Because it won't be so easy.
---
To the person who have hurt me today. I think you are so pathetic. But you also make me strong and resilient. I observed all your mistakes and figured I don't want to behave the same way. I thought I could like you again through every thing. But now I think that you must endure the consequences. You no longer have access to me. You make me realize that I have a fiesty, angry side. Should I keep this part of myself? Or should I let it go for good? Maybe peace for all, but not for you.

13/01/2025

I have to do something difficult today. But it's okay. I can handle difficult things now. Sometimes it's calming when I remember that nobody teaches me how to live my life. There is no guide. I just have to walk with what I have. Today I want to tell myself that I have a choice to face my fears and mistakes. No matter how daunting the consequences might seem. There is a choice.
--
Today I thought that it's alright if I can't be around Hari all the time. I have my own life to take care of. And genuine joy will only come from me and my love for life. I thought that I appreciate him and all the friends I met along the way. I appreciate his presence and calmness. I don't need anything from him anymore. I require more from myself. I need me to be courageous and happy.
--
I do not regret being fully in the moment with my friends and loved ones. Even if my work gets compromised. Nobody teaches me about balance and I am trying to pick myself up from somewhere.
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My head was in such a mess that I thought I would never make it out. But I made it out. And Kimi, just be proud of yourself. I am so proud of myself every day. I know well that I come from a place of pain and darkness. I know well that I am my own parents, friends and caretakers. Nothing is more absolute than solitude. So, just don't care about insignificant people. They don't know your pain like you do. Their opinions do not matter.
--

24/11/2024

Fast forward a month. I'm in a fresh new relationship. I'm already contemplating going to Germany. I don't want fear to paralyze me. I will at least do something about it. Earlier I was pondering about common friends and stuff. I know how important it is for the people around us to support us, that's why. Given the little time we have, I feel the rush to accomplish many milestones during this time. I would like to think that this time of change is beautiful, not daunting. I am already doing so great.
-
Today I miss Hari a lot. Of course I will not say it out. I have learned my lesson last time. I will savour and enjoy this unsettling yet exciting feeling. I am planning on preparing him some gifts so that he understands how I feel. I will take care of him with calmness and some distance. I feel confident. More and more every day. I feel that I can do anything I put my mind to. My head is clear and my logic runs through.

15/10/2024

My dating life is getting out of hand. Today I feel this way. I feel like a horrible person. But then I also learned a great deal about myself and the way these apps work. Let's not think more of this as it might mess up my head. I do not want these things to define me. I want to keep remind myself that I go out with people so that I have energy and motivation to keep learning great things, not the other way around. All will be good. All will be peace. When I have someone that I somewhat enjoy the company of, I feel like betrayal when I hang out or sleep with someone else. However, I understand that these men could not give me commitment, as they will leave the country soon. They do not have the right to make me loyal or do whatever they wish. They do not earn this. I will do what's best for me, always. I think playing game with Firas one on one messes me up a bit. I was just seeing him as a friend, but sometimes I remember he slept with me. Might take some time for me to figure out this out, but I intend to keep him as a friend. A new FwB relation might be on the way. I'm not completely fond of it, but I need to get advices and guidance from the more experienced, so here I am. Is all.

13/10/2024

I thank God and thank myself for all the progress I have made in terms of my mental well-being. It was difficult. But then the past experiences taught me humbleness and confidence. Once again, the ship has sailed. She will not look back. She will keep moving forward. No matter what. Pain does not scare me. Rejection does not slow me down. I want to see what all this means. The only way I can know is to move from milestones to milestones, from one experience to another experience, from one beautiful human being to another. I know that the world is a worthy place to be, despite all its pains and sufferings, despite all my secret struggles. I want to tell my loved ones one day that the world is beautiful. And that I'm okay and content. And that I have lived a full life without regrets, like what my uncle used to say.

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