12/04/2025
Only 23 days left until I turn 30. Day by day, I’ve been clearly sensing a strange yet natural transformation deep within my soul. No more battles between emotions and reason, dreams and reality, passion and responsibility...
Thank you, my fiery twenties, for pouring all your heart and strength into faith, love, and truth. Because of that, today I no longer have to fight myself or anyone else. The heavy stone of the past that once pressed on my chest, suffocating me, has lifted. I genuinely feel grateful and joyful for every hardship that has come into my life.
Twelve years of growing up—thank you for the darkness, tears, loneliness, humiliation, betrayal, lies, sickness, distrust, manipulation, deceit, injustice, and misunderstandings... All of these once pierced my heart like sharp arrows. I used all my strength to stitch the wounds shut, but before they could heal, I was wounded again and again. I was like a sheep being sheared relentlessly. The trials came so rapidly and intensely, they nearly devoured my body and soul, stealing all hope and faith in people and in love. But the power of Faith protected my heart. In my weakest and most desperate moments, it was God who saved me—no one else. No one else has the power to mend a shattered heart except the One who created it.
Thank You, Lord, for teaching me forgiveness when my soul surged with fury against injustice—for giving me faith in hopelessness, light in the darkest valleys, a shoulder to cry on. No one ever saw my tears but You, Lord. I knelt alone in the dark and in the rain so that no one could tell if it was tears or something else. But by Your comfort, I stood up and kept walking: betrayed so I could learn to sow faithfulness, hurt so I could bring joy, used so I could value generosity, insulted so I could honor the dignity of others... And after all that, just as You taught—only forgiveness remains, just as You forgave first.
I realize now, no shield can protect me from pain without hardening my heart. Only patient love, and constant forgiveness—for myself and for others—can truly preserve who I am. And if one day, love requires me to bear an even greater wound, to die a little more inside, I think I’ll still accept it, for the sake of Faith. Because then, I’ll become more like Christ. And I’ll be strong in the realm of love, until the end. I long to reach heaven, where I can keep loving everyone, just as my heart desires.
