Aloha Quote
How do you create a supportive environment where the people in your life feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and experiences without fear of judgment or ridicule?
My friend and colleague Jackie Reed recently shared this quote with me, and I think it’s so beautiful:
“Most people say that Aloha means hello, goodbye, or love but that’s an overly simplified translation. Aloha literally translates to “Alo,” which is to be present or in front of, and “Ha,” meaning the breath of life. The real translation of Aloha is to be present in the breath of life, acknowledging our connection as living beings and honoring our responsibility to one other as we share space with respect and gratitude.”
Acknowledging our connection as living beings and honoring our responsibility to one another is one of the greatest gifts we can give. It’s a privilege to share a place in the world, don’t you think?
If you want to find connections and share space, join our community Facebook group. We can’t wait to have you join us!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/advicecolumncommunity/
Maybe it's better to be a frog
🐸👑 There was a frog who dreamed of becoming a prince. He’d imagine THE kiss, the transformation, the people he’d rein over when he had legs, and the glory he’d enjoy.
One day a princess finally laid one on him, and BINGO! He got his wish. In a swirl of sparkling dust, he transformed into a regal human housed in a royal palace.
But there was a problem.
That frog ended up hating his new life. The palace air was dry compared to his old pond. The royal robes were itchy. The crown was cumbersome, and the job was bor-ing. Worse yet, the princess was a kind of a “pill.” All day long, that poor frog just longed to be back playing in the mud.
This twist on the ending to a would-be happily-ever-after fairytale was the gist of an amusing poem I read a long time ago. I’ve never been able to find it again, but I’ve thought back on it often.
Today, I’m reminded of the gloriousness of my own “muddy pond.” I hope you’re loving yours as well!
What is your favorite thing about your current life circumstances? If you’d be willing to reply and share, I’d love to hear it!
Self-Advocacy Pt 2
I’d rather have an uncomfortable conversation than choose resentment. Why?
Brené Brown once mentioned this in her podcast: choose discomfort over resentment. Have the uncomfortable, difficult conversations up front rather than holding onto how you feel and developing resentment down the road.
When we’re open with one another, it’s not always comfortable. But resentment isn’t comfortable either, and allowing ourselves to let it go by holding tough conversations will create stronger, healthier relationships.
Is there a time you were brave and chose discomfort rather than resentment? Share about it in the comments below!
Self-Advocacy Pt 1
I’m not particularly good at self-advocacy.
Sometimes, I feel stuck between a “this" or "that.” For example, I could either support my friend and spend time with them on their birthday, or take care of myself and stay home because I’m tired. I need rest, but I also don’t want my friend to resent me for canceling.
But it doesn’t have to be an either-or.
I can share the conflict I’m having with my friend so that I can advocate for myself AND show my support for that person I care about. I could tell them, “I’m really tired. Could we celebrate together soon?” This third option of communicating clearly while also noticing my personal needs is a little uncomfortable, but it spares both of us from developing resentment.
If you have trouble with self-advocacy like I do, the Advice Column community on Facebook is full of people who will support and encourage you. Join us!
Self-Advocacy Pt 1
I’m not particularly good at self-advocacy.
Sometimes, I feel stuck between a “this" or "that.” For example, I could either support my friend and spend time with them on their birthday, or take care of myself and stay home because I’m tired. I need rest, but I also don’t want my friend to resent me for canceling.
But it doesn’t have to be an either-or.
I can share the conflict I’m having with my friend so that I can advocate for myself AND show my support for that person I care about. I could tell them, “I’m really tired. Could we celebrate together soon?” This third option of communicating clearly while also noticing my personal needs is a little uncomfortable, but it spares both of us from developing resentment.
If you have trouble with self-advocacy like I do, the Advice Column community on Facebook is full of people who will support and encourage you. Join us!
Hearing someone tell the truth about their experience is an honor, isn't it?
Do you feel like your stories matter? (Hint: they do!)
I’ve often heard people tell dramatic stories of overcoming enormous odds or achieving great feats. The drama of their circumstances made their points powerfully. For a long time, I believed that without something like a near-death experience or achieving a world record in base jumping, I lacked compelling stories and the authority to share them.
Then, on a whim one afternoon, I took a storytelling workshop and listened to one story from each participant. Those stories were not about epic experiences. Mostly, they were descriptions of the everyday experience of being human.
Hearing someone tell the truth about their experience is an honor, isn’t it?
Think of a story that has shaped you. It was likely simple, yet it’s become an important part of you. Those stories are valuable gifts. They don’t have to be “flashy” to impact people in special ways.
Your experiences, your learning, and your very being make a profound difference in the world. Take time to share your story and listen to others, and explore the sharing your story section of my website.
https://advicecolumn.com/sharemystory/
It's never too late
From time to time, I feel like pieces of my life are falling apart and I’ve dug myself into a hole.
But then I hear stories of people who have completely turned their lives around. I think to myself that if someone can remake their life in just a few years, I can certainly reverse the course and get on a better track.
Friend, if you find yourself feeling hopeless about any aspect of your life today, I hope you will be encouraged that change is fully possible. And remember, you don’t have to be alone through any of it.
If you know someone who could use some encouragement for a brighter future today, feel free to send them this post. If you or someone you know is in crisis, help is available. Connect with someone you trust or dial 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Are you creating ripples?
Are you creating ripples?
My grandfather Alfred grew up during the Great Depression. After 8th grade, he had to leave school and get a job to help the family survive.
He found an opportunity to become an apprentice to a machinist. The machinist not only taught him his trade but also became a mentor. He helped Alfred learn to think creatively and develop critical thinking and marketable skills. Having those competencies changed the trajectory of our family’s life.
During WWII, my grandfather was given a “2-B Deferment,” meaning his skills were so valuable that he needed to stay home and build aircraft parts. Being a toolmaker allowed him to create a business after the war ended. In turn, that gave him and his wife the means to educate their two sons.
And so, the kindness of one man created ripples that continue still.
Do the people who have helped you become the person you are today know how important their influence has been? Is there someone who cared about you when it mattered, believed in you when you didn’t quite believe in yourself or served as an example to you?
Sharing experiences and being a mentor can change someone’s life. That’s the mission of Advice Column. Your life matters, and a small action can make a huge impact, so don’t be afraid to tell your story.
To keep up with the Advice Column community, follow along with the podcast, newsletters, and our Facebook group. We would love to hear your story.
Greener Grass
Have you ever had one of those moments when you were pursuing something in your life and then realized that wasn't actually what you wanted?
The saying, “The grass is always greener" rings true.
Sometimes, I'm so busy chasing something I don't realize I already have the thing or feeling I think I need.
What is your favorite thing about your current life circumstances?
If you’d be willing to share, I’d love to hear it!
Are you laying bricks, or building a cathedral?
The frame we choose matters.
Many times, I forget I can choose how I view something. It’s like a man on a construction site saying, “I’m laying bricks,” instead of saying, “I’m building a cathedral.” The way we frame particular situations affects our motivation and sense of purpose.
For a busy mom or dad, taking the kids to after-school activities can be seen as getting from Point A to Point B, or it might be viewed as an investment in raising well-rounded kids. Making dinner could be a chore, or it could be viewed as a chance to nourish your body. When I write my newsletters, it could just be an email, or it could be an opportunity to influence your life in a positive way.
Can we be more intentional about the frames we choose? Is there a place where opening our aperture and viewing a broader context could enrich our experience? You are creating magnificent cathedrals in your life, and I hope you get to have the satisfaction of seeing your effort in that light. ⛪
Think about something that recently happened that could use a reframe, and share it with us in the comments.
Hope and growth can happen anywhere.
We can each decide, in every moment, how we will act. 🌱
I once visited a prison and sat next to a convicted murderer. He shared his story with me. His regrets, his traumas, his sadness for the past, and his hopes for the future. I realized that if I had been less fortunate, my life could have looked similar.
There is no explaining away decisions that harm others. My realization is simply that hope and growth can happen anywhere.
I want to be humble like the men I met in the prison so I can experience it.
What do you think? In the comments, share a time you learned a lesson from someone completely unexpected.
Powerful Stories
You are living a beautiful life with POWERFUL stories.
Here's an idea for you.
1️⃣ Reflect for three minutes, scribbling down words that represent anything meaningful to you.
2️⃣ Take five minutes to choose a word on your list that resonates strongly with you.
3️⃣ Write down three short (1-sentence) memories related to that word.
4️⃣ Give yourself two minutes to circle one of the memories you recorded and then choose a short title for that story.
Sharing a story from your life or hearing about an important moment in someone else's is a direct path to deeper connection.
Try this process alone to reflect on your life, or do the exercise with others to grow closer. You could do this at a book club, dinner party, or work event!
Have a story you'd like to tell? You can share it on my website! The current topic is "Which situations are most challenging for you and why?"
https://advicecolumn.com/sharemystory/
