Motorcyclists Of The World (2025)

22/07/2020

“There’s nothing like being on the open road, the wind in your hair... the wind in your bike’s hair...”

23/06/2020

“Sorry I’m late, a paint-truck rolled over right in front of me, rode through the whole thing at 80mph, I’ll have a hell of a job washing the mess off later.”

02/05/2020

“It’s probably the best thing I’ve done. Not only is it cheap on fuel, but parking is a piece of p**s. Plus, and this is the best thing, the kids are sleepy as hell when they get home again. Sure, they smell a little smokey, but it’s a good reason to get them in the bath.”

27/03/2020

“There’s nothing like it. Setting on the bike, heading down the open road, getting whipped to hell by the leather... makes you feel alive.”

12/03/2020

“Safety first, right? Be safe, be seen. The fluro paint ensures that everyone around can’t help but notice me.”

“The sunglasses? Apparently I’ve burnt my retinas, doctors are baffled how that happened.”

22/02/2020

“It’s the love of my life. The comforts of a full-size bike, with the styling of the Mod scooters I grew up with.”

“Oh, I can’t ride it. The minute I turn the lights on, my skin starts feeling warm, and a whistling sound comes from my groin. Plus, it drains the battery within the first 10km.”

27/01/2020

“Yeah, it’s a custom-built bike...”

It looks a lot like a Travertson V-Rex, it even has Travertson on the plate.

“... that I built for the first Transformers movie...”

Wasn’t that filmed in the USA.

“... at a cost of over $1 million...”

I’m pretty sure the Travertson V-Rex was only around US$40k.

“... and it runs like a dream...”

It’s leaking coolant, that’s what it’s doing.

“... oh sorry, that’s my phone, it’s probably a movie producer wanting the bike to be in their next blockbuster.”

That was a dog barking, and your phone is turned off.

“SMOKEBOMB!”

29/12/2019

“It was around midnight, just nigh on two years ago, New Year’s Eve. I was racing home to be with my family, probably going a bit faster than I should have, and I rounded the bend... all I could see was the rear end of the biggest and hairiest beast on four legs filling up the glow of my headlights. Let’s just say I came to a sudden stop, as did the sudden shriek.”

“Cleaned up a beauty, and the bike hasn’t been comfier. Sure, it still smells a bit, but you get used to it.”

12/06/2019

“People always say ‘ride safe’, ya know. And I’d always taken it to mean that you needed to look out for other vehicles, not take your eyes off the road, that sorta stuff. I never thought it also applied to STDs.”

“What happens in Vegas, doesn’t always stay in Vegas.”

27/08/2018

"When I decided to ride into Australia's Outback, I spent weeks deciding what bike to do it on. The Outback is some of the harshest terrain in the country, and experiences some of the harshest weather, so not just any bike would be up to it. Spares would need to be available, and it would need the performance to get out of any situation."

"Then I decided to get drunk, and chose the bike that I can just carry if I need to, and that would make any length ride an adventure. Plus it's cheap enough to be disposable; even with the thousands I spend on add-ons."

08/08/2018

"At first the missus was all for riding, but then she got upset about the uncomfortable seat, so I got a sidecar. She was fine with that for a while, but then complained about the wind and rain, so I bolted a little caravan alongside. That was ok for a while..."

"She's at home... She no longer rides with me. But I've got plenty of room for food and beer. And more beer. And somewhere to sleep after."

25/07/2018

“Jaysus come to me in a dream, and he said to me, ‘Theodore Augustus Lincoln Mercury Jnr. III, build me the biggest, baddest, soul-saving motor-sickle that has ever ridden the earth’, and I took the lords word and built me the kind of bike that makes Satan shake in his boots.”

“Powered by a supercharged, turbocharged Deeetroit Diesel with 335 ponies, and cranking out 1,020 torques. It goes 85 freedoms per hour. Lordy does the ground shake, sinners weep and Satan’s tar-snakes slither to safety when you ride on by. Hallelujah!”

11/06/2018

“People often tell me to ‘dress for the slide, not the ride’ and while I’m sure that has its merits, I really don’t want to slide anywhere, so I came up with this idea of bouncing if I ever crash. This is only an early version, so it looks a bit rough, but I’ll be shopping this idea with Alpinestar and Dainese before the year is out.”

24/04/2018

"I had heard that BMWs make great touring machines, with loads of towing capacity, so as soon as I had picked it up from the dealer I loaded up for a trip. I had to stop a few times to unwrap a bag from the spokes, and my tent ended up taking out one of the cast aluminium spokes, but that just meant I'm laid up at this fantastic caravan park for the next few nights until BMW headquarters can ship out a new wheel".

“But it rides really well and I couldn't be happier with my mounting solution. Next time I hope to pack a BBQ as well"

21/04/2018

“Like every lover of classic motorcycles, I’ve always dreamed of owning a Vincent. So when the time came, I jumped at the chance to purchases one in near-new condition. Apparently the owner had bought it, gone overseas to fight in one of the wars, and never returned. His kids just covered it up in the shed and never uncovered it again.”

“I could have left it; polished it up then kept it as-is. But years of crystal-meth abuse meant I couldn’t hold back and I had to customise it using any old s**t I could get cheap. I think it turned out ok.”

06/04/2018

“On the streets, it’s not just what you ride, but where your allegiance lies. For me, as a proud Predator-kin, I live and love my fellow Predator-kin. We would do anything for each-other, including going to war against our sworn enemies; Sons Of Pokémon.”

“My bike actually symbolises what it would look like after running down a group of Pikachu. Not that violence is the answer, it’s more damaging to wreck them on Tumblr using our high IQs.”

25/03/2018

“When we started our camping trips on the bike, it was just me, the missus, and a tent. Then we upgraded the tent. Started taking extra clothes, bedding, cooking gear... it was a bit much for the bike, and we went for something that didn’t fall over as much - the Can-Am. Then we got a trailer to lug all the gear in. That’s packed to the brim now. “

“Picking up a Land Cruiser next week. And a caravan. I love motorbike camping!”

11/03/2018

"Safety is paramount here at Saf-T-Motorcycles, so much so that we based our name around the word. Airbags have been an important safety feature in cars for decades, and recently they have begun appearing in race-suits and on motorbikes, so we knew we had to up the game."

"We install three airbags on all our latest bikes. Three. More than any other company. More than some cars."

"However we are having a few teething issues with accidental-inflation, but our engineers say they will have that problem sorted before we launch the new models."

02/02/2018

"That's me in 1967. The 'Summer Of Love' they called it. Free love was everywhere, we broke the rules just to make the most of the moment. We didn't make the smartest decisions, but we didn't care."

"Sadly I learned the hard way that protective gear of some sort is handy. I lost a ni**le to a high-speed impact with a seagull, and I still occasionally find sand in places it shouldn't be. "

08/01/2018

"We take our bikes to a lot of shows, have done for years. While we don't enter to win, we do enjoy just showing off the bikes to other riders, all that polished chrome and shiny paint. That's why we trailer our bike everywhere. We don't want them arriving covered in bugs."

08/01/2018

“I’ve never felt the need to clean my bike. People are always going on about their need to clean, polish and otherwise keep their bike looking like new. It’s a bike; it’s for riding.”

“Putting it away dirty after a cross-country ride through Florida may have been a dumb move though. Some of the growths are making noises. One of them has even started talking to me.”

24/12/2017

“Nothing like getting away on the bike at Christmas, hitting the open road, finding a nice, quiet camping ground, setting up with just the bare-necessities and relaxing.”

“Nope. There is nothing like it at all.”

17/12/2017

"Seventeen days, nine hours, thirty-six minutes. Twenty-two bottles of polish, eight bags of rags, five boxes of Band-Aids, twelve toothbrushes. And a wife."

"But it's finally clean, it's finally shiny, it's ready to riiii... Is that a storm brewing?"

05/11/2017

"Like many riders, I believe that 'Loud Pipes Save Lives'. And as a member of The Black Watch, 3rd Battalion, The Royal Regiment of Scotland, I believe that not only are bagpipes a truly beautiful instrument, but that can be used as a weapon in some circumstances. With that, I've fitted a 2000w RMS stereo system to my bike, allowing me to let loose the dogs of war, so to speak, and aurally announce my arrival well before any driver has a chance to spot me."

"My military training has come in handy, actually, while riding the city streets. For some reason I'm seeing a lot of gunfire since the stereo was fitted."

14/10/2017

“Sure, when I’m in my daily wear, people look at me and think ‘There’s Tom, CPA, father of three, homeowner, nice guy’ but they have no idea that the same guy dons leather, a helmet, an attitude, and screams off into the sunset without any care for laws or safety. On my bike, I’m ‘The Menace’, an outlaw, someone not to f**k with.”

“Oh, sure officer, I didn’t realise I was holding up traffic... can we finish this interview in a minute, I just need to move my bike for these lovely gentlemen.”

11/10/2017

“Ever since I got the bike, I’ve fully embraced ‘moto camping’, the idea of just loading up the bike and heading out for the weekend. But you need your comforts - man is not an animal - so the gear does tend to build up..”

“Lately here hasn’t been room to pack the bike. But it’s the bike or the rotisserie.”

15/08/2017

"When I first started touring it was just me and a swag. Then I started adding stuff, just to make life a bit more comfortable. Then I got married, and the wife wanted to come along, so more gear was added. Then we stopped using tents, and went with motels."

"Now we load up the bike just to ride to the next motel room. I think we took a wrong turn somewhere in our planning".

15/08/2017

"I've found that one of the downsides of the cafe scene, especially for women, is the uncomfortable seats used. A bit of ply with some foam covered in cheap vinyl is not only uncomfortable to sit on, but downright painful during the summer months. Especially if your riding gear is like mine; second-degree burns to the nether-reactions can really take it out of you."

"My riding style is a natural evolution from getting a melted-vinyl bikini-wax, ensuring minimal burns, and maximum airflow."

06/08/2017

"She comes in at 1356kg, and that's a dry weight, 1397kg wet, 1477kg fully-fueled. For registration purposes she is officially a 4000-class 4-8-8-4 articulated coal-fired steam locomotive, and that causes some head-scratchin' when it's time to renew the registration."

"It corners like it's on rails, which it isn't, but I can swap the wheels over for that. Ya just don't want to drop it. Unless you have a friend with a heavy-lifter."

05/08/2017

"Like most motorcycle journalists, I started the traditional way. A friend worked in the industry, heard I could write a structured sentence in English, and gave me a job. Before you know it, I had stories published everywhere. Mostly on the Internet. Now, I run my own publication, wielding a power few have. I can turn the masses against anything, convince them their lives are in danger, and have them buy products from advertisers at the press of a button."

"If you will excuse me, I need to try and tell people a specific kind of fence is dangerous to crash into."

05/08/2017

"We find that we don't have to do much to slow dangerous riders down on some of the blackspot areas, we simply need to park on the side of the road and have a coffee. Within an hour, a rider will have seen the bikes, panic-braked, and wedged himself under the Armco... or a nearby car. That will close the road for a few hours, and eliminate riders dragging knees for the photographers."

"Occasionally we even get PolAir to fly over. Nothing freaks some of these guys out more than the idea we are tracking them by air."

03/08/2017

"With this photo, I've really achieved a synthesis of my two greatest joys."

"What would those be? Wheelies and cosplay?"

"No, increasing my Instagram followers, and emasculating boys who can't ride like me."

02/08/2017

"The cafe scene is dead! There, I said it. It's been done to death. So with my latest build, I decided to go against the grain and do an anti-cafe bike, a de-cafe, if you will. Where cafe racers remove panels and open up the frame, I've covered it all in. Where cafe builds go for a flat hard seat, I've got a curved seat. It's still hard, but a different shape. And where a cafe racer will put knobby tires on, I've gone for slicks. They don't grip in the wet, but I don't ride in the rain so it doesn't matter."

"It rides like a cafe. Hard, stretched, that's a side of customizing I refuse to change. If you aren't in pain after a lap around the block, you need to tweak it more."

02/08/2017

"I love my bike. I love spending time with it, caressing it's sensual curves, letting it know I care. And I'm not afraid to show my love. I buy it gifts for special occasions; flowers for Valentines for example. It really means the world to me."

"Now if you will excuse me, I need to take m'lady off for some private time. Can you hand me the 10W50?"

02/08/2017

"It's a bit of a fools folly, really. Taking a bike worth $800 and dumping thousands of dollars of performance mods into it, just to create something that's still got less power than a lot of 250cc bikes. The engine doesn't have a single original part on it, it has better suspension than my daily-rider, and I'm sure one day I'll blow the engine into thousands of expensive parts. But holy-crap, what a ride it is."

22/07/2020

23/06/2020

02/05/2020

27/03/2020

12/03/2020

22/02/2020

27/01/2020

29/12/2019

12/06/2019

27/08/2018

08/08/2018

25/07/2018

11/06/2018

24/04/2018

21/04/2018

06/04/2018

25/03/2018

11/03/2018

02/02/2018

08/01/2018

08/01/2018

24/12/2017

17/12/2017

05/11/2017

14/10/2017

11/10/2017

15/08/2017

15/08/2017

06/08/2017

05/08/2017

05/08/2017

03/08/2017

02/08/2017

02/08/2017

02/08/2017

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