I’m Not Ignoring You-Love, Steph & Jay

26/07/2024

If I’m at the gas station before it says zero miles, I’m filling up before I need to

-Steph

25/07/2024

Wanna know a secret?

I haven’t talked to Jay in months. Months.

I’ve been thinking about her, but always while I’m elbow deep in dishes or about to fall asleep… so they days pass. The weeks pass. Then months.

Then she happens to think of me at a moment when she’s actually able to send a message, and we connect like we talked just yesterday.

Nevermind the big life events I don’t share as they happened or the little life moments… we’re always there for each other, no matter the time or distance.

It doesn’t make us bad friends… it makes us human.

Life is busy, and time is weird in the way it passes. So we need the friends who will pick back up without missing a beat.

We may not always be talking to them, but they’re our always friends.

They’re always there.
They’ll always be there.

Cheers to the always friends. I couldn’t do life without them 🥂

24/07/2024

There was once a time when I played the nice girl. I say play because it wasn’t how I was raised and it certainly didn’t come naturally to me. I played a part because I wanted to fit in.

Not just fit in. I wanted to blend into the background to go unnoticed because I stood out in every way possible and it made me uncomfortable. So I desperately tried to bleed into the scenery in middle and high school.

Being nice only brought scars, some of which I still wear today.

It stole the way my shoulders squared to face the world by making them soft and rounded inward. Being the nice girl took my chin that once tilted towards the sky and knocked it down a few inches.

Niceness stifled my voice as I screamed “speak up” inside my head. I could no longer speak because nice girls don’t do that. They smile uncomfortably and cry in the bathroom stall. They shrink into themselves until there’s barely anything left, all in the name of being the bigger person.

Shrinking myself didn’t make me happy. It only provided a safe place for bullying and abuse.

So I stopped.

Just like that.

There was no evolution or therapy appointments. Something told me to stand up before I was all gone, so I did.

Enter my villain era.

I studied the mean girls from up close. I knew how they moved, how they spoke and how they dressed.

I became one.

It’s not my proudest chapter but it was eat or be eaten and I was tired of being prey.

I’m only telling you this to say that I’ve spent plenty of time on both ends of the spectrum and they’re both miserable places to be, so I settled on kind.

Be kind in public and in private. Gently calling in friends and strangers alike. Standing up for yourself and others. Being dependable even when you’re busy. Setting boundaries even when it’s hard.

Kindness isn’t easy. It burns bridges when necessary and builds them for the right people. Kindness is the greatest gift to give to yourself and those around you because it’s not looking for approval nor disapproval.

It’s simply giving yourself permission to be true to who you are without apology. I’ll never go back to being nice but I’ll stand up for the nice girl until she finds her voice.

I won’t go back to being mean but I can spot a mean girl a mile away.

I’d much rather be kind, it suits my heart better.

– J

01/12/2023

❤️

28/11/2023

I’m going to relieve some pressure for you.

You don’t have to do it. You can do the bare minimum but only if you want to. There’s not some sort of mom rule that says you have to create the same “magical memories” that other people are also creating.

You don’t have to be the magic maker. There’s no extra prize for it. The ones that start planning elf shenanigans in July have the same stretch marks and bad back as the ones whose elf got in the wrong Uber from the North Pole.

One year I didn’t move the elf for 3 weeks. What can I say, he broke his leg and was under strict orders not to move. Another year our elf got Covid TWICE! He had to quarantine under that $1 clear plastic punch bowl I still had from my baby shower. The big kids would move the elf if I forgot and I felt no shame about it.

Team work makes the dream work.

This year I gave some mom $90 to send me a kit full of activities that included pictures and instructions because I do not have the mental energy to come up with things and I’m certainly not going to make a mess that *I* have to clean up just so my kid gets a giggle.

But if I didn’t want to continue with the elf this year, that would be perfectly fine because elves don’t make the magic of the season. They make for great photo ops to show off your creativity but being creative means you have to have time.

Having down time is a privilege not afforded to all. Having extra money to buy a kit is a privilege and so is having an elf in the first place. It means you have to have the finances, extra time and mental energy to keep up.

Maybe you have it all but aren’t willing to give up a few minutes from your downtime.

Don’t.

Don’t you dare cut into those quiet 5 minutes before you wake the house if you don’t want to.

Don’t commit to anything extra that pulls from your cup unless it’s an enthusiastic yes.

You can opt out and if you’re looking for permission then here you go! Don’t do it, because your brand of holiday cheer is the perfect brand for your family.

Don’t forget about you,

— Jay

20/11/2023

18/11/2023

Oh hey, hello! This is awkward. Steph and I have been so busy with life that it’s been a challenge to do any thing more than a drive by check-in with each other. We knew this season would be busy but I think we both underestimated how much.

We both have seniors this year which is so wild on top of expensive and time consuming. But we are both still swimming. We will try to find time to do a lengthier update but for now I just wanted y’all to know we’re still alive and still each others go to person.

Ugh! That reminds me. I never texted Steph back last night. I responded in my head.

I’m not ignoring you,

— Jay

10/07/2023

Tis the season of not keeping up! School starts very early down here and even earlier this year. Like the end of this month, early.

So I’ve been planning a vacation on top of preparing for back to school. Prepping a new kindergartener for real school has been interesting. Pandemic babies are a different breed.

Can’t remember the last time I talked to Steph or anyone outside of my house, really. But I did want to remind you that even when life is crazy busy, you’re still loved.

I’m not ignoring you. I promise.

- Jay

(It’s me as a mermaid)

26/06/2023

I was going through old photos trying to organize my memories. I didn’t have a plan when I started keeping things as the kids got older. Everything just wound up in a big tote all thrown together.

Hats from the hospital, first hair cut hair, hospital bands, crafts and a ton of pictures. This picture immediately made me chuckle when it surfaced.

It’s a picture of my middle son at my daughters end of year soccer dinner. He was about 13 months here and someone gave him a balloon but instead of just letter it be tied to his wrist, he hugged it.

This kid loved that balloon and wouldn’t let it go. He hugged it for days. He would wake up looking for that balloon and was devastated when it finally deflated.

Sometimes I think about how we aren’t really making printed memories anymore. I’m much more likely to flip through an old photo album than scroll through thousands of photos on social media or even my phone.

Digital photos can get overwhelming because we are much more careless with the pictures we take. There’s a camera in our phone at any given moment so we take pictures of random things and a million photos of ourselves or children in the same pose, trying to get the best shot.

Thumbing through physical photos brings that tactile sense to the forefront and help your brain go right back to the moment. We took a lot of pictures but they were more carefully snapped. We knew our film was limited or our memory card would fill.

But looking through these photos while sitting on my closet floor, I felt every single memory flood over me. I laughed, smiled and snapped pictures of pictures to send to family members.

Let’s go back to printing photos, filling photo albums and saving them for future generations to stumble upon while cleaning out the attic.

- Jay

24/06/2023

When I take my kids to the pool, in between all of the “watch this!” and “count how long I’m under water,” I love looking around to see all of the women showing up with their kids.

All of the women who likely spent a good deal of time and energy picking out a swim suit to wear. Finding something that’s flattering and comfortable and within budget… that takes some time.

I find myself wondering how much time we’ve spent collectively on this task? Hours, right? Maybe even days or weeks, if we’re adding everyone’s time!

And then, after all that…

How many women had to find courage to wear their suits? How many women stood in front of a mirror this morning, seeing if they could adjust to hide this perceived flaw or that perceived flaw? How many women grumbled about their body before heading to the pool?

And then, I want to tell everyone there how beautiful they are. How their bodies are perfect exactly as they are, and how I hope they’re having fun. I hope they let go of insecurities and enjoy the summer sun.

I send out all of the kind thoughts I can and hope they reach the right person- although unfortunately, I know the lies society tells us about our bodies are more deeply rooted in our beliefs than any positive vibes I can send out. But I still try, because it’s the truth.

So, I’ll say it here, too-

You are strong and capable.
You are beautiful, inside and out.
You are perfect.

You are valuable and loved exactly as you are.

Never forget that.

-Steph

12/06/2023

I don't know who needs to hear this, but if it's you, I'm cheering for you. ~ Jay

09/06/2023

Yessss

07/06/2023

Bring you ❤️

05/06/2023

Hey- I’m not ignoring you, it’s been a busy day!

Good news! The weather is beautiful, and I’m having a pretty good hair day!!

Share your own good news below! Big or small, let’s celebrate it!

-Steph

04/06/2023

One of my kids had a birthday party today. So obviously we stopped at Target before said party to get the gift.

I was obviously wrapping (and by “wrapping,” I obviously mean putting it in a bag with tissue paper) said gift in the trunk of my car before we left the parking lot, and I handed my kiddo the card to sign while I wrapped.

I went to grab a pen from my purse. There are usually six or seven in there.

No pen.

I went back to wrapping and trying to decide what to do. Do I go back into the store and show up a bit late with a signed card? Do I just put a blank card in the bag? Have him sign it in blood? (Kidding on that last one, in case that’s not obvious)

Then I saw a woman with a couple kids walking to her car a row over. She was my best bet at this point.

So I ran over and asked for a pen. Of course I told her it was for a birthday gift to a party we’re about to go to. She laughed in a way that told me she understood. No judgement- she went right to her purse.

She borrowed me the pen, we signed the card, and I returned the pen with a big thank you.

Being the recipient of a small act of kindness today made all the difference in the world.

Present was wrapped, card was signed, and we were on time.

But that’s not what made the difference to me.

I realized it was her understanding and generosity. Not even that she’d shown it to me (although I very much appreciated it!).

Confirmation that there are people out there, just going about their business, willing to do the little things- it just makes the world a lighter place to live in.

So random lady in the Target parking lot who borrowed me a pen- THANK YOU!

Thank you for helping me out in a goofy situation. But more than that, thank you for spreading your light in this world.

Friends, never forget that the small things really can be the big things, too ❤️

-Steph

04/06/2023

I bought my kid a “water park” and he’s living his best life. That’s what I was doing yesterday instead of recoding a podcast for next week. I’m not even mad that I’ll have to record two next week because his excitement was worth it.

The box said it would only take a few minutes to set up but I’m wondering if they meant a few minutes times 15…or maybe I can’t read. Both are a possibility at this point lol.

I’m hoping this thing lasts all summer because I thought I’d be asked me to go to the water park one more time that I was going to scream lol.

-Jay

03/06/2023

Truth

awww 🥹

02/06/2023

I have a way of thinking bad ideas are good ideas when I buy things… then my future self has to deal with the consequences.

- Steph