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As if it’s happened again! A second lorry driver has been caught out on Newport’s notorious Sheep island as it slides ac...
04/06/2026

As if it’s happened again! A second lorry driver has been caught out on Newport’s notorious Sheep island as it slides across the slippery road surface to avoid a cyclist. This is the second time this week and the sheep have had enough. Ron, pictured, was due to retire this Friday but it looks like he’s got to spend the weekend mopping up blood and gore. This time the local curtain twitcher was nowhere to be seen. Ron says “I’m hoping some do-gooders come along and help shovel this s**t back into the wagon before the gaffer sees it”.

Sheep Island in Newport remains closed. Barry Plump is keeping the roundabout in Newport closed as a precaution in case ...
03/06/2026

Sheep Island in Newport remains closed. Barry Plump is keeping the roundabout in Newport closed as a precaution in case it happens again. He says the amount of overtime he’s racked up since yesterday morning is phenomenal and wants to keep it going as long as he can. He adds you never know the same thing might happen again so he wants to be on hand to jump to the rescue. He’s advised motorists to go to another town for a few days.

Lorry driver drops his meat on Newport roundabout. A lorry driver slammed on his brakes early hours of the morning to av...
02/06/2026

Lorry driver drops his meat on Newport roundabout. A lorry driver slammed on his brakes early hours of the morning to avoid a cyclist with no lights or reflective gear only to spill his load all over the road on one of Newport’s busiest roundabouts. The driver, Ted, who doesn’t want to be named said “it was either the cyclist getting smashed or my meat”. He’s not sure where the cyclist came from but he said “this tosser just hurtled accross the road sticking his fingers up at me shouting eat my ass”. “I thought well that’s a fine how d’ya do for this time of day”. Ted immediately starting clearing the mess and it wasn’t long before local curtain twitcher, Harold, appeared to point out which bits Ted had missed. Ted thanked Harold with a slab of cow guts round his ear ‘ole.

PC Kerplunk in line for medal after saving the police force thousands. He says “it’s a no brainer, local curtain twitche...
02/06/2026

PC Kerplunk in line for medal after saving the police force thousands. He says “it’s a no brainer, local curtain twitchers Elaine, Audrey and Gladys are more than happy to stand there with my speed camera and snitch on speeding motorists.” He claims they’re all volunteers so it doesn’t cost a dime. The time he saves is priceless and allows him to put his feet up for a few hours before clocking off meanwhile the fines are rolling in, pushing his bonus up.

“Bin men buggered my day up” says Tracey. She’s not had her green bin emptied for the third time this year and isn’t amu...
01/06/2026

“Bin men buggered my day up” says Tracey. She’s not had her green bin emptied for the third time this year and isn’t amused. She told us “Them sods refused to empty it and slapped a warning notice on it”. When we pointed out the bin was for green waste, she looked inside and said there’s a couple of green looking items in there so didn’t see the problem. She added “I pay my council tax so my bin should be emptied. Just because my garden has more rubbish than grass I shouldn’t be discriminated against”. We couldn’t understand what else she said as her teeth shot out and landed in the bin.

Newport toilets receive shocking Google review by regular visitor. Roger, a seasoned cottager, has blasted Newport toile...
28/05/2026

Newport toilets receive shocking Google review by regular visitor. Roger, a seasoned cottager, has blasted Newport toilets after he found them locked and had to rearrange his appointment with a client. Roger said “it’s just not on, I had an engagement with a lovely chap I met online called Agatha Fistme but I’ve had to rearrange for another place. Every week there’s an issue, overflowing urinals, unflushed toilets, youths sniffing seats. I’ve had enough” Roger has vowed never to return.

Anyone expecting a post box? Derek had the fright of his life this morning when a delivery man startled him while having...
26/05/2026

Anyone expecting a post box? Derek had the fright of his life this morning when a delivery man startled him while having his morning dump. By the time he answered the door the delivery driver had gone leaving an enormous package for Derek. Puzzled, he unwrapped it to find a post box inside. Something he’s never ordered but has a vast photo collection of. He’s being honest though and appealing for the correct owner before he turns in into a cake shed.

With the hot weather here, Karen wants to share a dog poo hack. Karen is usually the first to moan about people not pick...
25/05/2026

With the hot weather here, Karen wants to share a dog poo hack. Karen is usually the first to moan about people not picking up their dogs mess but today she’s discovered the heat of the pavement instantly cooks the contents of her beloved Bouncer’s bowels leaving no mess. She says “as soon as it pops out watch it sizzle for about 30 seconds, turn it over with a stick then in less than a minute the heat has turned it solid. Then other than waste your time picking it up just kick it to one side and hey presto”.

A stern reminder from Bob the bin man to put the right bin out this week. He says “I’m sick to the back teeth of nobhead...
23/05/2026

A stern reminder from Bob the bin man to put the right bin out this week. He says “I’m sick to the back teeth of nobheads putting their bins out still pi**ed from the bank holiday weekend and getting it wrong. Not only that they always get the wrong day. I swear they do it on purpose and I’ve had enough. If they do it this week I’ll s**t in it and leave the lid open. The old duffers are the worst as they are too busy moaning on Facebook or twitching curtains every time someone walks past with a dog”.

Introducing the new stall in Newport’s indoor market, “Try My Meat”. Pat and Frank, local butchers from Bilston, will be...
21/05/2026

Introducing the new stall in Newport’s indoor market, “Try My Meat”. Pat and Frank, local butchers from Bilston, will be there every Friday and Saturday with a wide choice of produce all locally sourced from around Europe. Pat, a used car salesman, told us how Frank swapped his old job of being a male st****er in bingo halls, to trying his hand at tenderising meat for the general public. They hope to see a long queue this weekend of punters all lined up to sample a bit of their sausage.

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