Don’t Eat The Raisins

07/03/2024

Boy Meets World Satire:

Feeny: Eric! Get in here. Look at your dirty father drinking out of a red cup in broad daylight. We all know what's in that cup Eric. He's disgusting. Just like that hole in the wall, holes for all strip club that he basically lives a double life at. Does your mother have any self respect Eric? Don't answer that Eric. It's called a rhetorical question. We all know your delectable mother yearns for a better life but she is succumbing to that brown haired, beer guzzling bastard. Anyway Eric, please, pour me some more tea. And be sure to add just a dash of sugar.

Eric: Oh Mr. Feeny, he's just drinking something called MD 2020. It must be something that his Dr. prescribed. What did you think he was doing?

01/11/2023

Shakespeare's B Sides

"They that eat the raisins, never shaveth. Oh my beloved, how do I know that? Well, it's as clear as the light in your eyes. Thou knows you've been eating those dried, purple, fruits at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Now, the whiskers of your blouse look like an untamed forest at dusk. Hiding all kinds of creatures, known and unknown. For what lies between those trees, I'll never know. Nor do I wish to. Now do you realize why I'm scared to take a step in your woods? It's much too scary my dear."

04/05/2023

Boy Meets World Satire: Preview - Mr. Matthews Becomes A Star

Watch this quick video where Mr. Matthews becomes the new host of Blues Clues and goes to his favorite place after a long day on set. Just a preview of an episode of the satire show starring Mr. Matthews called Man of the House. Yes, it’s stupider than you probably can imagine. But watch it anyway.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cruhv3Fgu-V/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

22/05/2022

If Mr. Matthews on Boy Meets World was kind of a piece of trash and had his own spin-off show, it might be like this.

Mr. Mathews loses his keys and takes Eric’s vehicle across town to go have fun.

10/05/2022

It was my usual Thursday. It was payday. Beer at the stripclub after work It was! However, this Thursday was different. I decided to stop at Applebee's to try one of those Irresist-A-Bowls. The Mac...

09/03/2022

https://youtu.be/ND8Ku2Sjuks

Featuring Ted Cruz and The Red Hot Chili Peppers with Special Guest Michael McDonald

It’s like a minute and ridiculously stupid which is exactly the point.

10/02/2022

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GkbEQG4VNnw

Read it here: https://www.donteattheraisins.com/content/satire-woke-mel-gibson-says-volume-twoCheck out more satires at http://www.donteattheraisins.comBut p...

26/01/2022

https://youtu.be/5HmgHhg_UQE

https://www.donteattheraisins.com/content/satire-jesse-ventura-water-cooler-talks

Jesse Ventura tells it like he sees it and serves up some ice cold water.Check out www.donteattheraisins.com for more ridiculous satires

21/12/2021

Satire Casual Encounters: Girl at Burger King That Fingered my As***le in the Bathroom at 2 A.M.

So I was l hungry late at night and the only place open was Burger King.... She should be called "The Burger Queen". Well, let me explain my story... The dining room was still open, and she was the only one working the cash register. She had molasses hazel brown eyes that would make your jaw drop. And speaking of jaw dropping, I got the Spicy RODEO® Crispy Mystery Meat Sandwich made with breaded 100% deer meat seasoned racoon filet, topped with 3 half-strips of thick-cut smoked turkey bacon, crispy onion rings, tangy soy sauce, creamy man mayonnaise and American Cheese on all white bread. I woofed it down, but boy did I have to use the bathroom. I went to the bathroom and was on the toilet and there was no toilet paper. I pulled my pants up and awkwardly walked to the register and asked the cute girl if they had any toilet paper. She said "Follow me". We went back to the bathroom and she said to drop my pants and get on the toilet. She dipped two fingers into the toilet and then shoved it up my ass. And it was wash, rinse, and repeat. After a few times, she said "You're fully clean, I enjoyed being your human bidet!" We walked out of the bathroom. She went back to the register, and I went home. I have been to the Burger King a few times since and she wasn't there. So if you this ad please contact me.

So I was l hungry late at night and the only place open was Burger King.... She should be called "The Burger Queen". Well, let me explain my story... The dining room was still open, and she was the...

15/12/2021

For whatever reason, Bill Maher is introducing an odd variety of guests on his old show Politically Incorrect. Take it for what it’s worth. But don’t eat the...

18/05/2021

Satire: Woke Mel Gibson Says Volume Three

“It’s almost Gay October. A time when leaves fall and pen*ses are ok wherever they wander. Although it’s nearing, I wonder if I’m prepared to be an ally if I haven’t ever sucked one back after a hard days work. Support is one thing but how can you fully support if you have spent your whole life barring yourself from partaking? A man is fine sharing a beer with his mates but how bout something more intimate? Oh that’s too far you might say. Oh what if I don’t like the taste? What will my friends say? Bloody hell, what will my wife say? F**k your wife! And f**k your friends I tell you. I’m speaking both sarcastic and literally. You can have both in your life. And life isn’t always about you. I may shy away at the thought of taking a thick spray to the face but dammit, I’ve watched women do it on the internet. And if they can do it, why can’t I? Oh you have to go to work? F**k off. How long does it take to fizz his pants seltzer? Life will give you excuses but sometimes you gotta grab life by the horns. Suck it up. And take one for the team. Plus, how bad can it taste anyway?”

“It’s almost Gay October. A time when leaves fall and pen*ses are ok wherever they wander. Although it’s nearing, I wonder if I’m prepared to be an ally if I haven’t ever sucked one back...