Pat Pearson - Author, Psychotherapist

13/06/2026

My father was charming, handsome, and witty to everyone outside our home. Inside, he was critical and difficult to please. No matter what I did, it never quite measured up.

My mother, on the other hand, was loving and accepting. She'd have loved me even if I'd burned the house down. She just had a strong preference that I didn't.

Out of that combination, I developed my own patterns of self-sabotage. For years I tried to earn men's love the way I'd tried to earn my father's approval. Performing. Producing. Over-giving. It never worked. Because you can't earn love.

It took deep personal work to understand that what I was doing in relationships was a direct replay of what I'd learned at home. Once I saw it, I could change it.

That's the work in the book. Seeing it clearly enough to change it.

From Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition by Pat Pearson, M.S.S.W.

13/06/2026

11/06/2026

Self esteem isn't earned.

It's not your success.
It's not your title.
It's not your productivity.

Self esteem is your ability to feel loved, liked, and lovable.

One of my clients began healing through the simple experience of being loved by her dog. That became proof that she was worthy of receiving more.

Your worth begins with your being, not your doing.

'Which one are you neglecting? Comment below. Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition. Link in bio.'

10/06/2026

Here's something I've told thousands of people in my career: your Deserve Level is the gauge of how much you truly believe you deserve to have what you want in life.

And here's the harder truth: it was mostly set before you were five years old.

It's made up of four things: your beliefs, your self-esteem, your self-confidence, and the permissions you were given or denied by your family.

I learned this the hard way in my own life. It wasn't until I did the deep work to raise my own Deserve Level that everything started to shift, in my career, in my relationships, and in my sense of what was actually possible for me.

That's why I wrote Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition. Because you deserve more than you're giving yourself permission to have.

What would it mean for you to raise your Deserve Level this year?

From Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition by Pat Pearson, M.S.S.W.

08/06/2026

Your Deserve Level determines everything you have, earn, and keep in life. It's built from four things. Here's what they are and why they matter. Save this. Share it with someone who needs it.

From Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition by Pat Pearson, M.S.S.W.

08/06/2026

I remember asking a client years ago what she would do if she could change one thing about her life. She paused for a long time and then said, "I would believe I deserved good things."

That answer broke my heart a little. Because she was brilliant, warm, and capable. And none of that mattered to her, because deep down she didn't think she deserved to have it all.

That's self-sabotage. Not a character flaw. Not a lack of effort. A Deserve Level that hasn't caught up with what's actually possible.

I wrote Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition for her. And for everyone who's ever secretly wondered if the ceiling they keep hitting is one they built themselves.

And that's actually the most hopeful thing I know how to tell them. Because what you build, you can raise.

From Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition by Pat Pearson, M.S.S.W.

07/06/2026

If you've ever wondered why you keep getting in your own way, here's what I know after 40 years of this work: it's not about effort. It's about your Deserve Level.

There are five primary sabotage strategies that show up in everyone's life to some degree:

You can't change what you can't name. Which one do you recognize in yourself?

From Stop Self-Sabotage, Second Edition by Pat Pearson, M.S.S.W.

04/06/2026

Your self esteem is not your resume.

Self confidence comes from what you do.
Self esteem comes from feeling loved, liked, and lovable.

One of my clients began healing because of the unconditional love she experienced from her dog. That became the starting point for rebuilding her life.

It only takes one experience of real love to begin seeing yourself differently.

Your worth is in your being, not your proving.

25/10/2021

Motivation…are you motivated today to do what you need to do? If not ask yourself, do I have more discomfort or hope? Whatever side you lack is where you need to add in to be in balance.
Motivation is when discomfort and hope are in balance.Equal parts of each one them…..
If you have too much discomfort add hope! If you have too much hope and have become complacent add in discomfort. That’s how you self motivate!