13/12/2022
34, here we are on 34 trips around the sun.
I am standing here confidently showing up as my true self, confidently carrying my third baby going into my third trimester, confidently sharing my story publicly about how I am changing the trajectory of my life and living with more intention and being more true to myself.
I am proud to share this picture of myself on my 34th birthday! Society wants us to believe that we have to have it all figured out by now, have it all together and feel like we are old at this point in life.
This couldnât be any further from the truth for me. I feel more confident in who I am now more than ever before.
I was not confident with my first pregnancy, not confident in my body, I did not soak in the magnitude of what my body was doing â in some ways I did but a lot of the information I was receiving was going against so much of my motherly instincts. I wish I had listened to those sooner.
I was constantly counting time; counting how many sick days I had to stay home with my baby, then anxiously watching the days of my maternity leave creep by, counting the days until the end of my contracted day so I could rush home to my baby where I would try to savor every minute of being with him because the clock was ticking until it was bedtime. To start all over again the next day.
If I wasnât counting time, I was counting how much breast milk I was pumping and the time I was doing that, which was taking time away from me doing my job well. It was an endless cycle of counting and comparing and losing so much time worrying about literally everything.
ALL of my instincts were telling me that I would be able to relax if I could just be with my baby physically. Thatâs the only place I felt relaxed during those early months, I was only relaxed when I was with him physically.
Being home with my kids now isnât always easy but I know itâs where I am supposed to be. I also love that I can be there for them and run an online business that brings in financial support for my family.