Onyinye Valerie Williams

12/07/2023

How's the second quarter coming?

25/07/2022

25/07/2022

15/03/2022

[EXPOSED DAY 7] I hate to admit this! 🙄

But I am going to tell you

Keep reading

Making everyone happy used to be my obsession

You are not surprised, right?

Well, I am.

Because I was that girl who didn't feel complete if everyone around her wasn't happy.

But you are left wondering; what's wrong with that.

On a surface level, nothing

It looks like a humble thing to do right 👊

Only that it isn't.

On a deeper level, I was sacrificing my happiness for everyone.

--Giving away my salary, even borrowing before the next month's salary comes
--Sacrificing my meal for another person and then going hungry
-- Pretending to be okay so everyone can have what they want
-- Staying awake all night just to be a sounding board for a friend in trouble [something they would never do]

Things changed a bit when I started my first online business in 2016 and meet people who thought differently.

Even though things changed a bit, I still found myself being the same person

Especially when it came to client work
- No boundaries at all
- Excessive scope creep from trying to accommodate all clients' request
- Less than ideal relationships

And I did a great job disguising it as excellent service 😩

Until one day during bible study

I came across Matt 22:39 and though I have read this chapter before, I gleaned an entirely new meaning from it.

You can't love your neighbor more than you love yourself
You only love as you love yourself

And this new meaning changed everything.

👉I started prioritizing my well being and desires
👉I stopped being 'humble' about my dreams
👉I stopped choosing myself last
👉My relationships, life, and career drastically took a beautiful turn as a result of this.

Sometimes we think that going out of our way to please everyone but us is the best thing since sliced bread

We label ourselves selfless and self-sacrificing

But in its true essence, we are battling with being accepted the way we are
We are battling with losing out on relationships + the goodies that come with them
We are battling with loving the ugly, good and beautiful parts of us

So we mask it and go all out of our way trying to find it in others.

We give them everything hoping it will make them see that we love them.

Only it doesn't.

I learned it isn't about being SELFLESS its about being SELFISH [Christians be like that's false doctrine, the bible says ] 😜

Being selfish means:

-Saying no to what's not convenient
- Recognizing that your needs are important and they matter too
- Pouring into your glass so that you can give from your overflow
- Taking care of yourself so we don't lose you.

And only when you have become selfish can you become truly selfless.

Will you be?

13/03/2022

[EXPOSED DAY 6] No matter how much everyone claims to love coffee, there are still people who can't stand the taste of it!

Yesterday, a long time friend that I had reconnected with over WhatsApp was sharing their concerns about me :

In his opinion, I have changed.

According to him, I am :

📌 Too positive
📌 No longer a church girl [Post on this coming tomorrow]
📌 Too confident
📌 Can't be as intelligent as people portray me to be
📌 Can't be happy as I claim to be and should go get a man.
📌 I have simply changed beyond recognition

Hey old friend, yes, you’re right- I have changed

❌ I no longer spend time complaining about everything
❌ I no longer have to be at every church activity to prove that I am a child of God
❌I no longer see myself as the victim of my circumstances
❌ I no longer pretend to be who I am not
❌ And I am sure no longer performing for anyone[ family, friends, pastor, etc]

I used to.

But I learned that an alternative is to step up and be the leader of your life.

To own who you are now.

And who you are becoming [Both the good, ugly and the beautiful]

And so I get it.

When you step into your next level, people are going to find a way to criticize you or pull you back to where you're coming from.

They will remind you of your past, insecurities, and mistakes.

You're going to get trolled by friends, business partners, and sometimes family.

You will lose friends along the way because you don't fit their idea of who you should be based on the history you have .

OR

You will decide to cut people off because keeping them around will leave you playing below your potential.

Some will raise their eyebrows and think “Who do you think you are?”

You’ll trigger their own insecurities and beliefs about what’s possible for them because of who you are becoming.

What do you do when all this starts to happen:

✔️Don't ever apologize for wanting better, more, or different.
✔️Don't be tempted to shrink
✔️Turn it up louder and keep blazing
✔️Remeber, you owe no one but you and your dreams.

And that's how I play

Because of this

I am as happy as I ever can be

And never have I found peace so calming I want to gift it to every woman.

Because when you are here nothing else matters.

It's like coming home to who /what your heart has always known.

For me, Entrepreneurship made it possible.

So tell me in the comment

What has it been like for you to evolve as an Entrepreneur?

11/03/2022

[EXPOSED DAY 5] It took me 15 years to get here!

For as long as I can remember

I have always been a lighthouse

Different from everyone

Both in the way, I think and see things.

Never wanting to blend in or follow the status quo.

I was easily noticed by others and given leadership positions and opportunities even when I didn't ask or fight for them.

All I needed to do was show up and the invitations come easily.

But it wasn't the case consistently for 15 years.

I started noticing that people easily got jealous and envious of me, especially female friends.

They felt threatened by my presence
They accused me of being too much
They mocked me for knowing a lot of things
They cajoled me for taking up space

Flimsy things like :
Been chosen by the guy they have been running after for years
Getting selected for a position instead of them
Being recognized by others instead of them

In their opinion who am I to get the things, they have been fighting for to fall so easy on my lap.

And because I didn't want to lose my relationship/friendship

I started to shrink

I stopped raising my hands
I started pretending that I knew nothing
I became "humble " so they can feel good

And when it came to my business, it was even worse

Once something started to work so well, I would stop doing it and switch to something else.

I would hire coaches I knew were not a right fit [Beause they looked the part]

And even though others could see my potential just like I could see it, I never went beyond the comfort level of success I had created.

Until a defining moment in 2020 & 2021!

I was planning a collaboration with a girlfriend

We had agreed to run a free and paid program together

The planning was all set and concluded and I was excited

14 days into the free class her attitude changed.

She stopped responding to my messages
Stopped promoting the class
Started making remarks of how I was always going to be the center stage

It was shocking, to say the least
But I kept on pushing
Trying to convince myself that this nightmare wasn't repeating itself again.

I blamed myself for her attitude
Giving her the benefit of doubt hoping that she will come through.
But she didn't

And even with the best copy-written and well-delivered free content, people sensed the energy and no one signed up for the paid class.

That's when I realized, it was time for a change.

I can't keep on playing small
Shrinking myself
Pretending to be nobody
To make others feel accepted
And less intimidated

I decided to give myself 1000% permission

No more playing small
No more hiding
No more shrinking
It was time to make space for people who can cheer me

People not intimidated by my big dreams
People not jealous by the efforts I make
People ready to see me win and win big.

Maybe this is where you are too
Shrinking and playing small when you have so much to offer
Scared that you will lose friends and feel lonely

It doesn't have to be.
I invite you to reach out if you need support.

11/03/2022

[EXPOSED DAY 4]: Independence has been my secret drug of choice!

My friends used to tease me that my"strong woman" attitude will not take me to heaven.

But what did I care?

It was my secret addiction.

I haven't come across anything I couldn't do nor learn how to do.

Name it: House chores, business, childcare, etc

I could do it all by myself.

I was the exact definition of "wife material" as we used to say.

However, being strong and independent is a blessing and a curse.

Because when you’re busy being over-independent:

You act like you don't need anybody

You find it hard asking for help or support

You see asking for help as a sign of weakness

You let valuable relationships go because you feel scared.

What if they disappoint me

What if they leave me stranded

What if they hurt me

Until you get to a point

Where you just can't handle it on your own anymore

And you really need somebody

But they are not there.

Sometimes you've gotten used to doing everything all by yourself you don't even recognize when you need help.

And when things get hard and painful emotion creeps in, you snap out of it and keep moving.

You hustle, grind, win, and cry alone.

Keeping your game face on

When all you want to do is scream hard to someone.

The problem ...

When you do it all yourself

You limit yourself

You create your own glass ceiling

Because you’re limited to what you can do (which is quite a lot – you’re extremely talented).

But your dreams, the impact you’re called to, your full potential are so much bigger than you.

You can’t afford to try to get there on your own.

Trying to do it all by yourself

Like a strong independent woman

Will cost you money, your sanity, and your energy

Because when your hands get too full there is no one to carry the rest

And it slips through your fingers

Because you can’t hold it all.

You need support and help.

If you’ve been addicted to independence

Wearing the strong woman badge like an emblem

Doing it all by yourself

Telling yourself you don’t have friends, but it doesn’t matter (when deep down, you know it does)

Feeling overwhelmed and burnout

Not knowing why you procrastinate

Self-sabotaging all your great efforts to your next level

Send me a message to CHAT.

Over-independence steals your time, money, and happiness - but it doesn't have to. Let’s get you the business and life you truly desire and deserve.

09/03/2022

[EXPOSED DAY 3] It's not your job to save anyone!

There are two kinds of overachievers.

📌The ones who believe they are called to save the world.

📌The ones who believe they are called to lead a few people in the world.

The second set I call Leaders!

They are the ones who :

🌠Are clear about who they serve.

🌠Are clear about how they serve

🌠Show up, speak their truth, and own their mistakes.

🌠Set boundaries and honor them.

🌠Stand firm for what they believe in and not afraid to say it.

The second set I call Saviours!

📍They believe it's their job to save everyone/ everything.

📍They say YES when all they want is to scream NO.

📍They hide behind the scenes watching as others speak their mind while they play it safe.

📍They would rather rant to their girlfriends instead of speaking up.

This second set, they are me, I am them (raises 👏).

I was this person for a long time.

Suffering from a huge messiah complex

That made me believe my calling was to save everyone around me.

Including ones, I haven't met.

Because of this

I was playing small.

👉Accepting any type of client
👉Discounting my prices
👉Adding more bonuses and long 1:1 calls to increase the value of my services
👉Spending 15+hr per day over slack and voxer even when I should be resting.

However, the more I tried to save people, the more frustrated and angry I became.

My efforts were never enough

OR

They simply wanted more and I was already exhausted from giving.

📍Not long it started to show

I got angry during calls
I burnout from too much work
And the most painful part
All the hard work still didn't result in the money goals I desired.

One day I decided that I was done.

And it was time to try being a leader.

I was scared I would lose everyone

But I was willing to try.

So I finally......

🌠Set an actual work time
🌠Stopped working after set work hours
🌠Said a lot of No's without explanation
🌠Set boundaries around my time, energy, and focus and stuck to them
🌠Stopped apologizing for unnecessary things.

And to my surprise...

While I lost a few people

I gained more too.

They respected my time
Respected my boundaries
Valued my expertise

And that's when it dawned on me.

👉It's not my job to save anyone.
👉People don't need a Savior

They want a leader!

Someone who stands in her truth and shows up as herself.

Someone who says things everyone is afraid of saying.

Someone vulnerable enough to allow herself to be seen and heard.

Someone willing to go the road less traveled.

Maybe you are here now too.

People don't need you to save them
Heck, they don't want you to be their guru even

They want to see you
Show up as YOU
To hear your truth and why
To witness you with the mask off
To see that you are on the journey as they are.

I am asking...

Will you let us see you?

PS: Follow to read all my posts.

08/03/2022

[EXPOSED DAY 2] Success without fulfillment is death!

I used to believe that success is = the amount of money I had in my bank account.

And the more I had, the more it would make me happy and fulfilled.

Truthfully it was the only thing that validated my hard work and hustle mentality

It was also how I attached value and importance to others.

I pushed myself so hard to achieve the coveted $$$ figure months everyone hyped about.

I worked day and night doing all sorts of business.

Name it! [MLM, E-commerce, Affiliates, Dropshipping, Consulting] etc.

The more I earned, the more courses and programs I bought so I can learn how to make more.

It was always about more. more. more.

From one tactics and strategies to another I kept pursuing.

Then it happened.

One year, I made a lot of money back to back every month.

I was happy and excited

But no quite long it ceased.

I became extremley unfufilled.

The motivation to do the things that will excel my business further eluded me.

It became extremly difficult to do simple things like dishes and cooking.

I found myself getting overwhelmed and irritated by minor incoveneinces

And despite being able to recognize them as minor, I still couldn't take action.

And that's when it dawned on me.

A lot of Money in the bank isn't what creates fufilment.

A lot of money is just a lot of money.

What creates fufilment is living according to what truly matters to you.

And this comes from a life that reflects the real, authentic you not the one where you are performing for the crowd, your family your coach or your pastor.

And these are the attributes I embody right now in my life and business and also coach my clients to take them from burnout to a life and business of their dreams.

💥Maybe you're really succesful
💥Your business is going well
💥You are making 6 figures [or even more]
💥And your life looks so good on the outside
Truthfully it was the only thing that validated my hard work and hustles mentality one where you are performing for the crowd, your family your coach, or your pastor. r dreams.
💥And also
💥It's not

Because you are burnout
Your relationships suck
You're tired all the time
Or you're just lonely
With a few friends that remember you only when the need something from you.

What you need isn’t a new strategy, course or idea..

What you need is to remeber who the f**k you always were .
So that you can stop wondering what’s wrong with you
You can finally exhale
And be
Happy.

And the magical thing about identity
And the beautiful thing about happiness
Is that they just so happen to attract
All the other great things
Too.

07/03/2022

[EXPOSED DAY1] Are your over-achievements fueled by bitterness?

I nearly lost my mother to murder at age 8.

She would have been murdered in a cold blood one faithful morning right in our living room.

As I watched the knife come very close to her body something pushed me to move.

I pushed the chair very hard, it toppled over the person and the knife fell off his hands.

And with a newborn backed around her back, she ran away into the market square naked.

I remember picking up a wrapper, crying so hard, and running after her to cover her nakedness.

What made it most painful for me was that the person who nearly murdered her was her partner.

The same person who swore to love and protect her till death did them apart.

I built a lot of bitterness towards him that shaped who I thought I should become:

A strong independent overachieving woman who could always take care of herself didn't need the support of others and was out to prove others wrong[Don't dare me 🙄]

This way of being served me real good 👍
- Got admitted into the University of my choice when he said I couldn't
- Got a Job 6 months after when others were still Job hunting
- Remained a virgin until marriage [Especially with his constant reminder that I will get pregnant out of wedlock]
-And literally smashed everything I put my mind to achieve.

I felt like I had to prove to men that a woman didn't need them to succeed

And my mum had made a huge mistake for trusting one.

Didn't she? .....

I resented my dad for all the instability in my childhood. The beatings, punishments, and suffering.

I was constantly swimming in the ocean of bitterness and used it to fuel all my achievements.

I considered myself an empowered woman so why was I still experiencing hurt?

At age 28, I was done.

Playing the victim of the story was no longer serving me.

It was time to forgive completely and let go.

My ego kicked and screamed

But living in that story of bitterness meant I was giving away my power.

I decided to step into his shoes and have the deepest level of empathy I could for him

I couldn't imagine living with regret for all the bad choices he has made in life.

It probably taunts him every waking day of his life with him wishing he could turn back the hands of the clock so he can make things right.

Releasing completely and forgiving him brought peace back into my life.

This ability to release the past and forgive has allowed me to become a better leader, a better woman who is capable of seeing where others are blocking their next-level breakthrough because of their past.

Without the hurt, I wouldn’t have.

As we celebrate women's day today

💫Who do you need to forgive today to feel truly free and empowered?

💥What lessons could you uncover by letting go of the past and stepping into the truest version of YOU, the one where you live on your terms not by performing for others.



PS: Follow to read all my posts.

06/03/2022

I'm about to do something scary that will push me outside my comfort zone!

It's going to help me grow in many ways and you'll get to witness it.

Here is some context :

There are 3 important things I value in life and I want to be, do and have more of it

1. Consistency
2. Radical honesty
3. Deep meaningful friendship and connection with the people in my world.

These qualities are simple but not always easy to embody, especially when you’re a Type A woman with perfectionist tendencies.

I've also noticed how we have been conditioned to pretend to have it all together in order to be accepted.

So in the spirit of being consistent, creating deep meaningful connections with the people in my world (you), and repelling those who aren't meant to be here (maybe you too!), I decided to create a challenge for myself:

Over the next 30 days, I’m going to expose 30 truths about myself that some of my closest friends and family may not know.

30 lessons from the 32 years I’ve been around the sun.

Things that I feel embarrassed to share because “what will you think of me?”

But things that most likely reinforce my belief that being your true self without the pressure of performing for others is one of the most liberating ways to live.

My intention is not to use this as a therapy session lol

But to leave you with lessons you can apply to your business, relationships, and life.

Things I’ve paid money and cried my eyes out to master.

And that hopefully will help you find courage in yourself to do the goddamn thing your heart has always wanted.

Also, it might make you unfollow me. But I'fine with that, the commitment is to speak my heart so I can find my people.

If you’re also a fan of being true to yourself and will be following this please drop a fire emoji!

If not, drop it anyway so more people can see this post and decide sooner rather than later too! haha

Thank you.

Holy cow now I have to write posts for 30 days straight. Jesus

PS: Follow the hashtag to avoid missing the posts.

05/03/2022