02/09/2023
9 years ago today my world changed in an incredible way forever. Happy transfer day D and A!! I thank the universe everyday I focused my mindset for one last transfer. I gathered everything I had inside.
You see I was ready to give up. My heart was broken. My hope was shattered and my finances said you can’t do anymore.
But.. something inside said one more try. Find a way. You can not give up.
I share this to bring you hope and knowing of what could be!
I didn’t know that this day would “finally” be my time. That my embryos would stick or that I could carry them to term.
What I did do was prep for this cycle and transfer differently. I focused my mindset, I aligned with my desire, I spent time visualizing my life with them. I named them. I made vision boards. And wrote a future letter to myself what my life now looked like. And I held a belief so strong that I knew I was going to be a mom.
Yes fears crept in but I replaced them.
Yes I experienced duality. Hope/knowing today could be the day backed with what if it’s not. I focused my mind even harder.
Yes every time I entered my fertility clinic every emotion barricaded my thoughts of fear, grief, anger and so many more. I focused my thoughts.
I persisted because I couldn’t give up. I could give up on me or my dreams. I couldn’t settle, I couldn’t wait for the perfect time, or my credit cards to be paid off. I couldn’t listen to my ego telling me “you can’t take anymore heartbreak, Wait a while, take a cycle off, you name it I felt it and thought it.
There was a little voice that grew louder and louder because I focused my thoughts. I listened to that voice and went ahead with our transfer!
Every egg that is grown and retrieved is filled with hope, love, excitement, fear and all of the above. No not all of them are viable, not all of them fertilize or make it to blastocyst. Not all of them are carried to term. But they are loved. They are wished/ prayed for. They are a part of you and your journey forever.
9 years later I sit crying while I type this message with my twins beside me. I can’t put into words my gratitude, my love, and joy for them.