08/13/2025
🚨 ATTENTION NON-SWIFTIES 🚨
Consider this your formal warning.
Swifties are no longer functioning members of society. Effective immediately, all hobbies, responsibilities, and basic adulting have been suspended until further notice.
We will NOT be returning your texts.
We will NOT be attending your little events.
We will NOT be “calming down.”
For the next undetermined amount of time, our entire personality is TS12 and The Life of a Showgirl. That’s it. If you try to talk to us about literally anything else….gas prices, politics, the weather, we will somehow loop it back to track five within 90 seconds.
We are in album release lockdown. This means….
We will speak exclusively in unhinged theories, half finished sentences, and direct quotes from Taylor.
We will spend hours staring at the wall in complete silence, only to suddenly scream “OH MY GOD, I GET IT NOW” like we’ve just cracked the Da Vinci Code.
We will make you look at grainy screenshots and insist they’re “proof.”
We will be absolutely unbearable. We will not care. AND YOU WILL DEAL WITH IT.
You will be dragged into this rabbit hole against your will. You will know more about this album than you ever asked for. You will learn names, dates, hidden meanings, and why that one 2014 hairstyle suddenly matters in 2025.
This is not a phase. This is not temporary. This is a full scale emotional takeover.
So if you see a Swiftie on the street today, please be kind. Offer snacks. Remind them to hydrate. BUT do not try to stop them. Do not suggest they “calm down.” And do not expect us to talk about anything else until further notice.
We’ll come back to Earth….eventually.
…maybe.
Probably not though.
