03/07/2024
This city is like Mymensingh for me now. Mymensingh is my birthplace, but Lincoln brought me to a new life. It's been a year I have had the worst heartbreak, which is a great tragedy of my life. After that tragedy, I didn't spend a single day thinking about what happened, how it all happened, how I got out of it.
For those who live here, who I am surrounded by, it's a bu****it story, they never ask intentionally, they never try to listen, which is a true peace to me. For the exact same reason, I cannot even think of going back to Bangladesh & living there for long. It's not easy to face thousands of judgemental faces there.
In these days, a lot of things changed, but I am that shy silly girl who always walks in the street bowing her head down, who fears to be teased by boys, fears not to have any bad touches.
My childhood was so wholesome except those bad touch stuffs, which I couldn't even share with anyone. Maybe for this reason, I have never had a good impression towards man, still there was a little boy who made my childhood ever joyous.
There was a time when my mom tried to protect me so I couldn't fall in love easily, now I got to see the other side of the coin, now she keeps saying & insists to find someone, to get engaged.
But the fact is I was born premature & I am still immature. Instead of finding someone here, I am discovering my first love back in my primary school, when it was not any age to realize what actually love is, even though I realized it at a certain age, I could never express my feelings towards him, neither it's possible in any life. Only truth is, I loved that little boy, my best friend, with all my heart.
It's been 3 to 4 days, I have realized how intense my love is for him, I started writing diaries again & sharing my thoughts, I know it's too silly, it's so stupid, but what can I do for the child in me that I cherish for so long!
To be honest, there's a harsh truth for which I have written this long & haphazard article with an only intention to say....
I have never failed in the exams but love has always been a big fail for me.
🍁
