14/07/2025
So true. There are things I can't do, not because I don't want to, not because I can't be bothered, not because I just need to try harder, but because doing those things would simply be too distressing or not safe. I've always been a determined person, and have never let my disabilities stop me doing what I truly want to do. But there's certain things I just can't do, and that's okay.
“There’s no such thing as can’t.”
Have you ever had that phrase thrown at you?
It’s often said with the best of intentions — a rallying cry. A motivational quote. A challenge to push through. I get why people say it. They mean, don’t give up, keep going, you’ve got this.
But let’s sit with it for a moment.
Because when you’re really struggling, when something is genuinely difficult, or when your brain or body simply doesn’t work in the way the world expects, hearing “there’s no such thing as can’t” can feel… heavy. Judgemental, even. Not inspiring — but dismissive.
It can sound like:
• You’re not trying hard enough.
• Your “can’t” isn’t real.
• Everyone else manages — so why can’t you?
And for many of us who are neurodivergent — or who grew up masking, overachieving, or internalising the idea that we had to be “just like everyone else” — that phrase stings. My own mother used to say it, often with that edge in her voice that didn’t suggest empowerment, but more than a hint of snideness.
So actually yes — I do think there are times when you can’t do something.
I can’t run at the moment. I want to. It’s not for the want of trying. It’s just too painful right now.
I could beat myself up. I could repeat the phrase “there’s no such thing as can’t” and tell myself to try harder. But the truth is — can’t is very much a thing in this case. My body has limits. And I’m learning that acceptance is better.
I can’t run.
For very good reason.
And I’m okay with that.
It may change. It might not.
But I need to accept that this is where I am — and what my body can manage.
So let’s reframe this phrase for the children and young people we support.
• What if “can’t” doesn’t mean “won’t”?
• What if “can’t” means “not yet,” or “not like that,” or “not without help”?
Because actually, there is such a thing as can’t.
Children can’t always sit still.
They can’t always express themselves clearly.
They can’t always meet expectations — not because they’re lazy, but because those expectations don’t fit how they function.
We need to acknowledge that. And support from there.
The goal isn’t to deny “can’t.”
It’s to say:
• “It’s okay to find this hard.”
• “Let’s find another way.”
• “You are not less because something is difficult.”
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can offer a child — or ourselves — is not a push to do more… but permission to be enough right where we are.
Photo: The beautiful hare that was intrigued by me on my early morning walk with small brown dog. It seems change is still not done with me 😉
