27/09/2020
9/25/20
This Is Conspiracy New Tonight bringing you the latest
*****UPDATE ** UPDATE** UPDATE** UPDATE*****
This is NOT our usual slanderous made up stuff THIS is REAL!!! We'll get to the made up stuff a little later but first, a lot of our regulars have been writing in wanting to know how Jim Bob is doing since he took the sabbatical from C.N.T. to go on tour as the opening act for that "Famous Faith Healers Tribute Tour" and we got a chance to check in with him and find out. Seems the tour was playing a one night gig over at Belvedere, Georgia. I was able to borrow our landlady's car so Boo, his girlfriend Noeleen and me drove over there. We actually choose this date for economic reasons. It was being held at the local drive in theater so you just had to pay by the car no matter how many was in it. They were performing on the roof of the concession stand between movies. We got there early so as to get a good parking spot although it was hard to judge just what angle to go for since it was kind of like that there "Theater In The Round" kind of stuff, exceptin the concession stand was square and since they was on the roof we were lookin' up at them instead of being in seats looking down but we figured whatever, it was best to get close regardless of the angle, so we did. I had some miss givin' right from the git go cause theys no kind of railing around that roof and what with the wheelchairs and all it just didn't look all that safe. they'd put a ladder up on one side for the actors to climb up and down and they just folded them wheelchairs up, tied em' to a rope and pulled them up. It was what I guess you might call that "Minimalist" kinda' style. Jim Bob was up first, being the opening act and all and he done real good. The crowd loved him. He confided in me later that after doing this show for about ha week he realized that he didn't REALLY have to bend the spoon, just hold it up and wave it around cause, as he said and these are his words not mine, " Most of these people are dumber than a box of rocks" and he was savin' a lot of money cause he didn't have to keep buyin' new spoons so that was all just pure profit for him. Anyway, the crowd loved it and then it was time for the main act. I thought it was a bit shaky at first cause the "To be healed" actors had to climb up that ladder which kind of broke the illusion but once theys up there and in them wheelchairs lt looked like the real deal. The first two or three "Healers" was good, each one a little better than the one afore him and then we got to the show stopper, the Aimee Semple McPherson impersonator, who is a man by the way (not that there's anything wrong with that) and he/she was REALLY impressive, standing about 6 foot 4 what with the heels and wig and all. Things was movin' right along, she was healing em' left and right, two at a time using both hands, then with one hand tied behind her back! It was when they got to the blindfold part that things started going wrong. You know how wheelchairs have them little foot rest things that fold up and down, well the hem of her gown got tangled up in one of those, she lost her balance and pitched sideways and off that roof she went! She fell over the side away from us so I jumped out of the car to go see what was going on and by the time I rounded the corner, there she lay, her head split open like an over ripe melon, blood EVERYWHERE! I managed to get to her and she was conscious and it twern't as bad as it looked at first. That wig had God knows how many coats of hairspray on it and THAT was what had split open and likely saved her life. It was hard as a football helmet. Then at second glance it wasn't really blood, she grazed a guy comin' out of the concession stand which broke her fall but he had one them Big Gulp strawberry slurpies which she knocked out of his hand and under them neon lights from the concession stand it just looked like blood. All of them neon colors at night can be "deceiving to the eye" as they say. So she's gonna be out of commission for a couple of weeks cause she twisted her ankle but the show must go on so Jim Bob is going to get a second spot in the show while she recovers. I told him he should see if he can get them spoons to maybe stick to people's foreheads or something like that. That second movie SUCKED by the way, some B grade sci fi thing called, "Amazon Women From Mars Verses The Sodmite Army" or something like that. It didn't have any movie stars in it that anyone had ever heard of but we had a fun evening. GO JIM BOB !!!!
