15/06/2026
Sitting at the airport waiting for my flight to Newcastle. First time at Atomicon.
If you know me in real life you know I am not great in new environments. I am not a conversation starter. Crowds where I don’t know anyone overwhelm me. I get in my head fast.
But I love doing things on my own. Packing a bag, putting on my big girl business pants and just going. Learning in silence, absorbing everything, maybe taking a few selfies if I’m feeling brave.
In 2024 I went to Adobe Max London solo. I was determined to get out of my shell and actually connect with people. Two days before I went, my drink was spiked, ended in hospital. I nearly cancelled. I didn’t. But I spent the whole trip scared of my own shadow, drinking only from my own water bottle, suspicious of everyone around me. Asking my husband to track my location while I was away. I didn’t realise how much it had affected me until months later. I didn’t speak to a single person the whole time I was there.
In 2025 I went back to Adobe Max. No excuses this time. And yet. I spent the day starstruck, watching designers I genuinely admire walk past me, give talks, take up space. The imposter syndrome hit hard. What am I doing here. I’m too old. I’m not good enough. I don’t belong.
The only people I spoke to were some students who complimented my socks. 😂
Both times I learned a lot. But the human connection part? Zero.
So this time I’m posting this to hold myself accountable. I am going to Atomicon and I am going to actually talk to people. Not perform confidence I don’t have. Just show up honestly and see what happens.
Because sometimes looking put together on the outside doesn’t mean you have it all figured out.