Mac's Healthy Love Lab

26/05/2025

You’re not chasing them because you love them. You’re chasing them because, deep down, you’re still trying to prove to yourself that you’re worth choosing. It’s no accident that you keep finding yourself with people who can’t fully show up - your nervous system is replaying an old pattern, mistaking familiarity for love.
When they distance themselves, you feel the ache of withdrawal. When they come back, even for a moment, that rush of relief... That’s dopamine, not love. You’re addicted to the cycle of their validation.

Here’s the hard truth: If it’s driven by fear, it’s not love. This isn’t about them it’s about the part of you that still believes love is something you have to earn.

Mac - helping you to heal & recover from narcissistic abuse.

09/05/2025

As a Trauma Therapist and Life Coach - i have tailored a fantastic 8 week programme, that allows you to heal, learn, and gain self-love, change and rewire your relationship patterns sub-consciously, therefore allowing you to be forewarned, forearmed, and feel fully equipped, to attract a healthy love partnership.

“It’s all about the Self - Attracting Healthy Love”

*Are you currently healing from a toxic relationship?
*Do you want to leave an abusive relationship with a narcissist, or have left?
*Do your dating choices need to change?
*Do you attract the same toxic - unhealed person, but in a different body, time and time again, yet want to desperately change this pattern?
*Are you scared to venture out into the dating world due to a past experience, in fear of attracting the same type?
*Do you project an image of what you would like to see, rather than what you are being shown (seeing too much good in a person when it is not there).
*Do you not understand why these patterns continue, and keep happening to you?

What we need to address is;

1. Listening to, or seeing the red flags during the dating process,
2. Learning to trust our instinctive signals, that are there to alert us of danger (instinct/gut feelings).
3. Learn true compatibility (moral and value alignment).
4. Having enough self love (which can include not putting others before the self), or self worth, to know we deserve better (bear in mind constant abuse diminishes self identity and worth).
5. Look at OUR internal patterns - of our role we play in this process.
6. Having personal boundaries, or maintaining healthy boundaries with others.
7. Increasing knowledge of narcissistic and toxic patterns - which can easy deceive even the strongest of individuals.
8. Heal the inner parts within, that hold us back from healthy love.
9. Change old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving in love interests.

There are many reasons why we may continue to remain with an unhealthy, toxic partner who creates chaos, and mayhem in our life; with serial infidelity, secretive about who they really are, emotional and physical abuse, emotional unavailability/non committal traits, and a lack of relationship skills.

Hidden fears, unhealed past traumas, a lack of self empowerment, a trauma bond, appeasing behaviours, all contribute heavily to finding yourself stuck in an unhealthy relationship.

When we find ourselves attracting this type of person, we are making this choice from the sub-conscious (the sub-conscious patterns need rewired), or if we are struggling to leave this type of relationship, it is very likely due to being ‘trauma-bonded’ to the toxic individual, a bond which THEY have psychologically created, which makes it difficult to leave, otherwise known as; intermittent reinforcement & cognitive dissonance - noted in the psychological medical journal.

My 8 week programme covers all of the above - “It’s all about the Self - Attracting Healthy Love”

- this covers all of the above & MORE, to HEALING YOU; learning about the self, increasing self love, self worth, and self esteem, discussing the pitfalls of dating, recognising manipulation and abusive tactics, listening out for, and recognising the red flags, learning what real compatibility is, learning to grow healthy relationships at a natural pace, learning about attachment styles, developing healthy boundaries, learning new terminology such as love bombing, gaslighting, devalue & discard narcissistic patterns, trauma bonded etc …
- with the END goal of YOU attracting a healthy and balanced person into your life, and feeling self empowerment, and confident to do so.

This programme will equip you with all you need moving forward, as well as healing the parts that need addressed.

This is open to both men and women. Appointments are available online via video link - from the comfort of your own home.

If you know someone who is struggling in this situation please share my post.

♥️ ‘Self Love is the key!’

https://www.facebook.com/findinghealthylove

29/04/2025

10/04/2025

Self Love … ♥️

Do you feel GOOD ENOUGH at your core?

If you feel NOT good enough in one particular area - firstly, check your environment, to who is around you that may be contributing, or reinforcing this internal thinking - with their words, inappropriate behaviours, and actions.

This can be ‘projection’ from another, of how they internally feel about themselves, and want you to feel the same, by projecting how they feel, and think, onto you.

Or is it… secondly, a feeling of not feeling good enough, in many areas of your life, or a feeling that has followed you throughout your years?

If so, this may be a core belief that you have developed in childhood, which has affected your self-worth, and self-esteem.

When you start feeling good about you, and I mean, really good inside - everything changes, and improves. All of your relationships improve, your boundaries increase, you feel better within yourself; more confident, self-assured, happier even, whilst feeling you have the strength, courage, and ability to do what you always have wanted to do - and you just KNOW you deserve every little bit of goodness that comes your way.

Both reasons above call for ACTION.
Pop me a message to discuss further 😀 about a 1-1 session

06/04/2025

When you are finally at the end of your tether, and you realise that staying put with a toxic partner is going to be more painful, than cutting all ties, the ‘No Contact Rule’ applies.

The No Contact Rule is NOT used to ‘teach the narcissist a lesson’ - nor to gain attention, or in the hope that the narcissist has healing time, and realises what they had with you (they do not reflect, or take time to heal, only a need to find a new source of supply).

The No Contact Rule, which involves cutting ALL ties; social media, phone numbers, so called ‘in person friendly chats’ (remember they are not your friend, nor are you their counsellor) - even changing address if need be. It is not only important that the door is closed shut, but barricaded and bolted up firmly (to prevent any forms of manipulation, further abuse, or hoovering).

However, the NO Contact Rule is for you to HEAL, it has nothing to do with the Narc, and everything to do with you. It is to take rest time, for you to take the space to really see the situation from an outside, and objective point of view (it is only when you are out of the situation will you see fully, the extent of the toxicity that you were caught up in).

It is for you to work on breaking through the trauma bond, to start to find your own identity again, to repair your self worth, and self-esteem, and to work through all the emotional baggage that’s comes, not only with the ending of the situation-ship, but to the absolute realisation, to who the Narc truly was. After all, they do a great job often, in fully hiding it, and it’s not until you step out, and look in from the outside, that you become deeply aware of what actually was.

25/03/2025

Why do victims of narcissistic abuse stay? Why don’t you just leave!?

This is probably the most undermining question you can ever ask a victim of narcissistic, or toxic abuse. In reality, many victims do not know the answer, or are still trying to work out everything in their mind.

There is a psychological process that takes place during the ‘situationship’ labelled in the medical journal as ‘cognitive dissonance’, and ‘intermittent reinforcement’, that is exercised out by the toxic person that almost ‘glues’ the victim to them - often described as addictive as he**in.

Victims usually stay for many reasons, but the main reason is because they are ‘trauma bonded’ which is not a process that just happens overnight, but is psychologically played out over a period of time.
Unless you have been trauma bonded, within a relationship, it is difficult to understand this whole process, but what is important, is to know the steps that lead to trauma bonding, so that this cycle cannot take place, or continue.

MNT describes a trauma bond as a ‘connection between an abusive person and the individual they abuse.’ It typically occurs when the abused person begins to develop sympathy, or affection for the abuser.

This bond can develop over days, weeks, or months. Not everyone who experiences abuse develops a trauma bond.

Stockholm syndrome is a specific type of trauma bond. While this term typically refers to someone who is captive developing positive feelings for their captors, this dynamic can occur in other situations and relationships.

2018 research investigating abuse in athletics, suggests that Stockholm syndrome may begin, when a person experiencing abuse begins to rationalize the actions of the perpetrator.

18/02/2025

Have you watched ‘One Day’ - what was your take on it?

Reminded me of an old saying;

“They’re are many people who should be together but are not, and many who are together but should not.”

This romantic drama was oozing about self-love, personal development, self-growth, accountability, boundaries, relationships, and of course, loss.

https://youtu.be/X8vGnkXd9rA?feature=shared

Check out the new One Day Limited Series Trailer starring Ambika Mod & Leo Woodall!► Learn more: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/tv/one_day_2024/s01?cmp=RTTV_...