09/14/2026
“Faith was always part of my life, but for a long time I felt like I was living on my parents’ testimonies instead of having one of my own.
Childhood trauma left me feeling ashamed and unworthy, and when I finally had freedom as a young adult, I walked away from church and turned to drinking to numb everything I did not want to feel.
Eventually I met my husband, we went to the temple, and we began building the life I had always hoped for.
Then came infertility.
Year after year I watched my friends get pregnant, attended baby showers, loved their children, and wondered why God would not give me a child of my own.
We tried adoption, foster care, and every avenue we could think of, but it felt like wall after wall.
I began wondering if God was punishing me for my past and asking what I had done that was so bad that He would keep motherhood from me.
Church became painful because so much centered on motherhood and family, and I constantly felt like I was standing outside looking in.
My faith became touch and go, and sometimes I stayed away because I was angry at God and felt forgotten by Him.
As the years passed, I realized I was not only grieving the children I would never have, but the entire future I had imagined with my husband.
Then my parents became sick, my husband struggled with war injuries, and I became a caregiver for the people I loved most.
When my mom died, I felt completely untethered, and at my lowest point I made a plan to end my life.
Just before I did, I felt overwhelming love and heard my mom’s voice in my mind saying, ‘Tita, stay.’
I put everything down and cried out to God, ‘If I am your daughter and you know me, I need you.’
Slowly, I began reconnecting with Heavenly Father and learning that faith and grief can exist at the same time.
Today my husband and I serve in the temple together, and I finally understand that my worth was never determined by whether I became a mother.
I still do not know why I could not have children, but I know God loves me.
My life looks nothing like I once imagined, but it is beautiful, it is mine, and I have found peace in knowing God never stopped reaching for me.”
-Dee
