05/01/2026
“I was all in… until everything I believed started falling apart.
I grew up deeply rooted in the church.
Faithful parents, weekly church, youth activities… the whole foundation was there.
As a teenager, a powerful spiritual experience made me certain this was the path I wanted: a mission, BYU, a life centered on faith.
Then, at sixteen, doubt found me through social media.
Questions I’d never heard before about church history, Joseph Smith, and translation, began stacking up.
I looked into them, and on the surface, many claims seemed true.
The more I consumed antagonistic content, the darker it became.
For six months, my faith unraveled in silence.
I didn’t tell my parents.
I barely slept.
I begged God nightly for a witness, convinced that if the church were true, an answer would come.
It didn’t…or so I thought.
I read the CES Letter, anti-faith books, listened to critical podcasts, and mentally checked out.
I still went to the temple, still prayed, but felt nothing.
I truly believed my faith was gone.
At my lowest point, I started visiting other churches, trying to figure out where to go next.
Then one day, I came home and saw a book on the table: A Case for the Book of Mormon.
I read it desperately.
And for the first time in months, I felt peace.
That moment cracked the door open.
I realized I had only studied one side.
So I did the opposite of what I’d done before: I studied deeply, honestly, and fairly.
I read faithful scholarship, theology, and philosophy.
My prayers changed.
Instead of demanding answers, I listened.
Slowly, my heart and mind came back into alignment.
Today, I’m at BYU.
I’m leaving on a mission to Mongolia, where my dad is from.
I study and defend the faith I once nearly lost.
A year ago, I couldn’t believe.
Now, I believe more deeply than ever.
My faith didn’t survive the crisis.
It was rebuilt stronger because of it.”
-Joseph
unhallowed.hand
