Filled Up Cup (2025)

09/08/2025

Today is National Cat Day.

😺

My daughter went through a phase where she really liked the After book series, which is where the names Hardin and Hero came from.

😺

Hardin thinks she is the head of the household. She gives little sister energy. She is very high maintenance and has my daughter's exact side eye. I am her least favourite human unless she is scared, and then she is my shadow. She is a terrible sleeper. She wanders the house at night, taking turns sleeping with everyone in our house. She likes my grandmother the best. She will wait until my teams meeting starts and then curl up on my desk to demand my attention and will scratch me until I give her treats to let me finish the meeting. She loves the laundry basket and watching TV.

😺

Hero is the sweetest boy. He has always reminded us of Eeyore. If he is curled in a ball, his dots on his fur make a heart. When he was a kitten, he would suck on my hand like a soother to fall asleep. He likes a routine and would tuck himself beside me at 11pm and would stay put until my alarm would go off in the morning. He is also my expensive boy who seemingly always finds himself in a medical situation in the summer that requires vet care. He loves hiding under things and laying under blankets. He doesn't get competitive about toys but will kick Hardin off the cat trees if he notices her laying on it alone. He likes to at both his and Hardin's meals. He loves belly rubs and has the softest fur.

08/08/2025

If no one has asked for your opinion or advice about a situation, maybe question whether it should be shared. Ultimately, your opinion about a situation that doesn't involve or impact you isn't really the person who is involved in business unless it is asked for.

My grandmother is in her 80s. She still cognitively understands things but has definitely declined over the years. It took over an hour to get her from our front door to her bed after her colonoscopy due to mobility issues. She gets very anxious leaving the house and hasn't done so without someone other than me in 4ish years, which wasn't my choice.

Our family rarely talks to her or visits her. Ireland and I are her primary caregivers. I understand that when someone doesn't see a person regularly, the memory of them gets frozen in their mind, so they think she can do more than she can. I also understand that people may have had a complicated relationship with her and choose not to have more communication for those reasons. I know many blame me for their lack of involvement.

I know that we have family who are addicts who have stolen from her and failed to pay her back for significant loans. They opt to either go no contact for decades or call to primary vent about their own problems. I know one of them is dying, and she is sad about it, but it's complicated.

The audacity of some people to try to make her feel bad for not being at their bedside is wild to me. Maybe she wants to remember a different version of them. Maybe she wasn't given the information until it was too late and they wouldn't know who she was. Maybe she has a million different reasons on how she plans to grieve. She has already lost a husband and child. It isn't my business, and it isn't yours either.

Trying to turn a situation into family gossip or drama seems so sad to me. Trying to shame or question a senior citizen seems cruel to me. Luckily, she wasn't bothered by the questioning and unsolicited opinions. I, on the other hand, and fiercely protective of my grandmother, so it reminded me of why we are no contact with so many people in our family.

I am also so grateful for our chosen family who have been there consistently ❤

20/07/2025

We have an adult cousin who was placed with an agency and Homeshare Provider (HSP) with no involvement from us despite my grandma and I being his representatives.

This agency contacted my grandma twice in 3 years. We had no idea what their contact information was, and the HSP refused to give me their info. We had to google agencies until we found the responsible one.

The HSP:
🤡 Cut off visitation and alienated us from having easy access. Would pick a time and be late consistently with no notice.
🤡 They have had my cousin spend more money than he has historically, especially on things that they receive funding for. We asked to be looped in all purchases over $100, which didn't routinely happen.
🤡 They didn't do his taxes.
🤡 They couldn't answer the medical questions that we had. They can not provide information accurately from one doctor to another. They refused to give us the necessary medication information. We asked that the HSP no longer attend or make medical appointments, and they refused to respect that or communicate about additional appointments made after our request.
🤡 They left his belonging in their garage, never told us, and when they moved, they tried to tell us we had less than a week to figure out what to do with it or it would be donated.
🤡 They treat my cousin like a paying roommate, with much of his schedule involving solo activities instead of being included in family activities.
🤡 The HSP has provided different information depending on who asks and wants us to trust our cousin to provide all necessary information, which, if he had the mental capacity to do so, wouldn't need HSP.

We are being treated like we are the problem for not wanting him to remain in an unsafe environment.

CLBC refuses to move him into a temporary housing environment until we can find an alternative agency. They feel like this is a safe environment for him, so this agency will continue to get his funding, and the HSPs will continue to receive funding for him. It's sad to see how people with disabilities are treated by people that should be prioritizing his needs and not prioritizing the people that they employ to look after.

19/07/2025

What a week this boy has had...

I am assuming that on Friday night, he got into some unfolded laundry and ate a string from a hoodie. Saturday, I woke up to some blood on my bed. He had a bit of a knick by his claw, so I assumed that it was from that. On Saturday and Sunday, he ate, slept, and used the bathroom like normal. He started puking when I was at work on Monday but still also had an appetite afterward.

We took him to an emergency vet in Langley. It was after midnight at this point. The vet wasn't really compassionate and took Hero to the back but didn't bring him back out again. After more than an hour of being there, with two others in the waiting room, the vet started giving conflicting information. He hadn't puked since being there, so they recommended anti-nausea meds, but when I agreed, they said that most people who loved their pets would get bloodwork and an x-ray. I would have immediately done that if it was offered first. Once the tests were complete, they focused on everything that was normal instead of immediately advising of the blockage. They started quoting multiple different prices and then said it would be $10k, and he would most likely die anyway. All with no empathy or urgency. She also said if it was during working hours, the costs would be less and explained the misleading costs as a way to make clients feel better when things ended up less expensive. I would have paid any amount, but her inconsistent answers and lack of consistency gave me such a bad feeling that we left. It took him 45 minutes to give him back even though they hadn't given him an IV, and tests were done. When they gave him to me, he was covered in 💩. It was 3am by the time we left, and our visit was just under $1000.

I called our regular vet a few hours later, and they couldn't get us in until later in the day and advised they referred to the vet in Langley for surgical procedures which was a hard no for me.

We ended up going to a new vet in the morning on Tuesday. I was sleep deprived and convinced our boy was not going to make it. I explained to the vet that costs weren't my main concern and that I just wanted to trust that were going to going to try...

29/06/2025

Dealing with a narcissist can sometimes feel like managing a tantrum-prone toddler. They crave attention, resist boundaries, and may throw fits when things don’t go their way. The key? Stay calm, hold firm on your limits, and don’t engage in the drama.

11/05/2025

I am always on her side rooting for her. I love her to the moon and back.

My girl will be legally an adult this year. It feels like it all went too fast. I'm so excited to see her explore the world and see what lays ahead for her. I hope her choices bring her happiness and not regret. I want her to travel the world and meet a ton of people and eventually settle down with someone who loves all of her and can emotionally take care of her and be on her side.

She has reached a phase that a lot of people in their teens and twenties go through, which is revisiting a toxic relationship, hoping it will be better the 2nd (or 3rd, 4th, 5th) go around. In my experience, it never works out. The 2nd breakup hurts more, and it ruins the love story of the first experience. I found myself I tried to mold myself into what my boyfriends wanted, and I didn't learn about who I was or what I liked or what I wanted in the process. It's so important to do self check-ins.

I hope my girl has the ability to ask if she likes who she is with this person and do check-ins with herself. Is the relationship bringing out the best in you? Do you feel like you can be your authentic self with him? Do you feel like you have to sacrifice other relationships in the process? Do you have to be worried about starting a fight for not doing what he wants? Do you feel like you have to say no to experiences you want to say yes to? Relationships should be about finding the best version of yourself and growing together in a safe type of love. It's hard to walk away when you don't like the answers to these questions.

There is a type of abusive relationship that happens so slowly that you can't see it happening. It's the type of abuse that gets better and worse in a cycle that you convince yourself it's getting better. You hold on to the good glimmers that you convince yourself that the other parts don't matter or you lie to yourself that it doesn't matter. Emotional abuse can turn physical so quickly. You drown in that type of abuse. It damages your brain chemistry, and your body holds on to the trauma. I hope she knows that there is love that will be exciting and safe.

28/02/2025

My mom died 15 years ago today. Grief is a funny emotion as you never know when it will hit. I remember the first year feeling like I was drowning because each day, we were farther away from when we saw her last and was filled with firsts that we never wanted. The first Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc. without her. In the years since sometimes anniversaries are harder than others and sometimes it is a random Tuesday in a grocery store.

☕️

I didn't know how this anniversary was going to feel but preemptively booked it off. I really just feel angry. Angry, she's gone. Angry our medical system hasn't improved. Angry that the person who tried to say I wasn't grieving enough, also should have been at home to call an ambulance. Angry her taste in men was always trash and that the one at home didn't call an ambulance and then wasted money fighting us in probate. Angry that she wasn't here to see my daughter grow up. Angry that people used her death to cause unnecessary pain. Angry, she isn't here to help with her mother. Angry about the experiences we didn't get to have. Angry, I had to be an adult without her. Angry, she's gone.

25/02/2025

Thank you to for tickets to this year's .

☕️

The Fan Expo is a three-day sci-fi, horror, anime, and gaming event that attracts thousands of people to Vancouver. In previous years, we were able to meet David Mazous and Madelaine Petsch. This year, it was super cool for me to listen to the panel about Back to the Future. My daughter really liked listening to Christopher Mintz-Plasse's talk.

It is one of my favourite places to shop. We have found unique Disney art to add to our collection. I do wish the vendor advertised that it was in US prices prior to the purchase. My daughter was stoked to find posters of a bunch of her favourite musicians.

23/02/2025

My past self committed my future self to plans yesterday. I used to love going to Vancouver, and the drive didn't bother me. I would do it multiple times a week. I don't know if it's my age, health or habit but I love being at home. When my past self commits my future self to something I love when plans get canceled, in this instance, my plans revolved around tickets I had bought my daughter for Christmas for the same night so there was no canceling.

☕️

Once at the , I had such a good time. I wasn't super familiar with
and , but they were so funny. I liked that it wasn't clean comedy but wasn't mean or unnecessarily vulgar. It was endearing that Pete kept laughing at his joke, almost like he couldn't believe he said it out loud. As a parent, his jokes about being a parent were so relatable. I liked that he called laughter joy noises, and while he commented on the audience members laughs it was in a kind way, not to heckle them. It was a great show. There is something magical about sharing the space with strangers and laughing together. It can be such a stress reliever and a reminder that laughter is such great medicine.

Filled Up Cup

09/08/2025

08/08/2025

20/07/2025

19/07/2025

29/06/2025

11/05/2025

28/02/2025

25/02/2025

23/02/2025

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