
27/07/2025
For the past few years, it has become increasingly difficult to see, and the situation has worsened significantly over the last year. I chalked it up to needing a stronger eye prescription and assumed my next eye exam would take care of it. So, I waited. Life was busy right now, a blessing because it hadn't been for a while, and I didn't want to stop, so I convinced myself it could wait a little longer. I was productive despite the issue.
Eventually, I went in for the eye exam. After the initial tests, they had another area with frames, so I tried on a few, compared deals, and was excited to walk out with a new pair of glasses. Then the doctor called me in for her exam. She initially thought the same thing —that there was a change in prescription. But as she retested, the concern in her eyes overshadowed her features. Her tone shifted the moment she looked back at my retina scan from the last exam. She told me there was a hole in my retina. I would need to see a retina specialist sooner rather than later. And until then, no new glasses. I walked out of the office feeling unsure of what I was feeling. Deep inside, I knew I could not ignore it.
That was the beginning of a journey I had not expected. The specialist confirmed the diagnosis: one eye had a full-thickness macular hole with a posterior tear, and the retina in the other was beginning to lift off. I was legally blind in one eye and at risk of losing vision in the other. There was no clear cause. The doctor mentioned that it may be due to something that was missed in childhood, but he was unsure. So, there is no clear future for prevention and no clear guarantee of recovery. He spoke of surgery—complicated, risky, with low odds of restoring vision. Doing nothing meant staying blind in one eye and risking the other eye.
I was stunned. I sat there, silent. I couldn't even cry. My thoughts were a blur of fear, confusion, and grief. I had just come through one of the hardest seasons of my life—one that had stolen over a decade from me. I was finally moving on. Over the last year, I felt joy and fulfillment after a long time of living in constant fear. And just when I finally thought I was moving forward, this. I waited. This was on me. But the Lord is always an easier to blame.
For a brief, unguarded moment, (shamefully) I turned my heart toward the Lord and asked, "Is there no one else, Lord? Why me again?" I caught myself. That question was wrong, selfish, and irreverent. Who was I to question the Lord? I repented, remembering how kind and faithful God has always been to me. The Lord had carried me through every second of those lost dark years. I know better. I do not deserve anything; everything God afforded me is a gift, and it demands an attitude of gratitude. I live for the LORD's pleasure. My life is God's to direct. I am created for God's glory, not mine, something I sometimes forget. I had made the decision to delay testing. According to the doctors, there was nothing in my medical history that explained why this happened. This happened.
I would not be presumptuous and equate myself with Job who was described as a perfect man. But I will borrow his words when he was going through an impossible series of terrible events. Job said in chapter 2, verse 10, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" And in Job 1:21, he said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Job was frustrated, but never allowed that to affect his perspective of reverence and gratitude to his God.
What I Am Learning?
Lesson 1: Nothing comes to me that hasn't first passed through God's hands.
I belong to Almighty God. My life is the Lord's. The Lord God is sovereign. I look to God for answers because God is my source. Nothing that happens to me is without thought or purpose. Nothing happens without the Lord's consent. What appears to be a detour is a direct path in His design. There is purpose even in this. Granted, I don't yet know the whole lesson or the full purpose—and perhaps I never will. But I will trust the One who has always held me, who has always led me with Gentle Hands. I believe He will bring me to His expected end for me. Psalm 139:16 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Lesson 2: The clay cannot dictate to the Potter.
I may dislike the shaping. I may resist the fire that the Potter uses—but I trust the Hands that mold me. God is not reckless. The Lord is deliberate. Every pressure, every turn on the wheel is intentional. God does not waste pain. God is the definition of kindness. Isaiah 64:8 says, "But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand." Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope."
Lesson 3: If He parted the Red Sea, He will part the Jordan too.
The first time the seas parted, it was dramatic—walls of water towering high on either side. It was unmistakable and unforgettable. But the second time something like this happened, it was different. It came years later, and the miracle required something more.
At the edge of the flooded Jordan River, God didn't part the waters ahead of time. This time, the Lord gave different instructions. God told the priests to step into the water first. Only after their feet touched the river did the waters begin to part. It took a step of faith before the miracle unfolded.
Faith sometimes looks like waiting—standing still at the edge of the Red Sea with nowhere to go. But other times, faith means stepping into deep, uncertain waters, trusting that God will make a way where there is none.
Joshua had already seen the Red Sea part under Moses' leadership. He had seen what God could do. But now, faced with another body of water and the same impossible situation, he had to believe again. Although it was a different sea, it is still the same God. The need was still the same: they had to get through. And Joshua had seen it before. Joshua 3:15-16 says, "As soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water's edge, the water from upstream stopped flowing." Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
My life, as it has always been, is in God's hands—for His glory, His direction, His timing, and His plan. I may not always understand or respond the way I should, but I will always trust. God has never failed me. I have felt the Lord's love all my life, especially during the difficult times. And I have been here before. The problem is irrelevant because God is the same, all-powerful! So I will do the only thing I know works: keep my eyes, heart, and mind fixed on the Lord.
I will end with Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you." Beloved, the Lord continue to bless you! Have a God-centered day!