05/10/2022
Iām feeling a bit weary.
Weary because Iām knocking down an idol;
knocking down an idol is hard work.
I didnāt want to write this post, I wanted to just ignore the fact that I didnāt meet a deadline. I wanted to bank on the fact that no one would notice, that no one would care.
But on the off-chance that one momma out there might think to herself, āhmmm⦠I thought season 03. of the Mindful Motherhood podcast was supposed to drop today?ā OR, more likely, in case even just one person reading this needs a word of truth about surrendering idols⦠here ya go!
I am currently voiceless. I lost my voice completely mid-week [last week] and spiraled into negative thoughts like:
āWhat if it never comes back?ā
āWhat is a therapist/professor/podcaster to do without her voice!?ā
āWho even am I without my voice?ā
In the middle of this negative spiral, the Lord whispered to me⦠āyou are My child.ā
Mmmm, yeah.
If my voice never comes back - I am a child of God.
If I have to give up my therapy practice, teaching, podcasting - I am a child of God.
Who even am I without my voice? - I AM a CHILD of God!
I have worked to meet a bi-weekly deadline for episode releases for the last 2 years!!! And I met every single one!!! Even in the midst of resuming my therapy practice AND beginning teaching @ the University level.
Sheesh!
I didnāt even realize that this seemingly rational, life-sustaining need to push myself to make these ācriticalā deadlines was, in fact, an idol⦠parading around as ājust another thing on the to-do list.ā
Praise God for the clarity He has afforded me in the form of allowing me to become so sick that I couldnāt possibly make the self-imposed, life-sustaining, ācriticalā deadline.
Can I get an amen!?
Am I sad that episode 01. of season 03. isnāt releasing today? Heck yes!
Is it bothering me that season 03. will now have less episodes than the previous two seasons? Oh, for sure!
BUT, when the Lord tells me to do something, imma do it. Every. Single. Time.
I will be taking the entire month of October off to be sick, to heal, to let go, and to begin again.
Thanks in advance for extending grace.
Love you,
š¤
-MM