10/02/2024
Dear single lady, If you value your life, your happiness and that of your unborn children please pay attention to the following.
1. Do not drop out of school for any reason because of marriage. No matter how much the person has.
2. Do not quit a job that pays you well or abandon a business because of marriage. Just because he promises to open a wall mart for you that may never happen.
3. Do not get pregnant for a man because of a mere promise that he'll marry you. Except you're desperate to get pregnant.
4. Do not allow a man who is leaving the country for the first time to wed and keep you in Nigeria or get you pregnant or engage and keep you in the country with a promise of coming back to wed you. Especially if he's not a skilled worker or a professional who has gotten a job already before leaving the country.
Sometimes, what they meet over there is usually not what they expect. Things may not work as planned. Minds can change. You may end up being abandoned or caged for years.
5. Desist from selling yourself so cheap to any family. E.g. a man will visit your parents to indicate interest in marrying you and you will park your loads and go and start living with him or his mother. His mother and siblings will start controlling your life. You wash, cook and run errands for the whole family, including your juniors. They start calling you our wife and start monitoring your life even when nothing has been done "on your head". Or perhaps, they have brought one cheap drink and Kobo Kobo kola nut. 🤣
6. Never ever allow a man who is not your husband to exercise control over your life. You're dating a guy and you're already like a slave to him. He complains of your friends, he decides who you talk to, he monitors you 24/7 both physically and via phone. Sending his friends and relatives to monitor your movement. He's very uncomfortable seeing males around you, he even accuses you of unfaithfulness and you'll still end up with him in marriage. Expect worse things when married.
7. Never ever allow a man isolate or cut you off from your family, good friends, your faith, and your mentors. You'll someday need these people and if you had chased them away, you'll be stranded.
8. Never ever joke with your finances. Your own money is very important even if you are marrying a billionaire.
9. Look beyond height, beards, complexion, muscles, tribe(optional), profession and temporary pleasure when choosing a spouse. Think of your future and that of your children. Ask yourself that thing that's tripping you in him now, if you'll still feel the same way in the next 5, 10 or more years.
Pay attention to kindness, empathy, discipline, responsibility, commitment, resilience, leadership ability, emotional intelligence and his spirituality.
10. See courtship for what it is. A time to check if you are compatible enough to be married or not. Look out for red flags that you cannot manage. If you are not okay, quit. Do not force things. Do not EVER think you can change another adults. That thing you cannot take during courtship, don't delude yourself into thinking you'll take it in marriage.
11. Never ever beg a man who rejects you to marry you. When a man tells you he doesn't want you, kindly respect yourself and walk. If you beg him to marry you, you'll continue to beg for life until he's tired of your begging.
12. Never ever marry a man that thinks he's doing you a favour for marrying you.
13. Avoid any man that mocks you with your stature, weight, height, family economic background, your tribe or ethnic group.
14. Never ever accept any form of disrespect from a man, his mother or siblings because of marriage. Don't open your eyes and sell yourself into slavery.
15. Finally, I repeat. Do not allow a man ruin your finances because of marriage. Aside from the fact that crippling your finances is the surest way a man can hold you hostage, having your own money is the only thing that can save you when things go south in a marriage.
Written by Chidi A. Okoroafor
