17/12/2025
I know some of y’all do not mean any harm…but that doesn’t mean harm is not being done.
I am open to correction and education when it is relevant and fits the narrative of what I am trying to describe. My page was created almost 6 years ago off the pure fact that I did not find any educational material related to CNM that showed Black bodies in a favorable light. There were a few Black creators, but most of their content was focused on their lifestyle as polyamorous or non-monogamous people or coaching people. I personally did not want to make that the focal point of this page. I didn’t want anyone to look at my relationships and personal intimate life and use that as a standard for how they lived and loved. I’m not that type of influencer. I wanted my community to get access to information from the ground up – whether they were beginners to the language surrounding non-monogamous circles or experts.
With that said, I have always since day one expressed that this page was focused on Black bodies, Black community and the Black experience as it relates to non-monogamy and polyamory. This is inclusive of Africans and other African descended people.
When you guys come to my page and offer unsolicited education and correction and you and I do not share the same race or ethnic background – most of the time you are doing harm. Very rarely have I seen a time up here where someone was actively correcting and educating me on a topic that was valid and taught me something new as well as held me accountable. I remember the specific times of a few of them: when I used a tasteless stereotype allotted to Irish people which was dehumanizing, when I generalized asexual and aromantic people without thorough education, and when I used ableist language related to mobility aids. Those are a few that I acknowledged, apologized, corrected, and further educated myself.
And then there are times up here when I was corrected and educated and the context and nuance of what I was speaking about was completely lost because you, the audience member, was seeing my reality through the lens of a white person, usually woman, versus who I am - a Black, disabled non-binary (AFAB) person. I am not you.
I have attempted to make this a safe space specifically for people like me while being open to other races, lifestyles and identities who consume the education and entertainment on this page. I also try hard to understand that many of my followers, like me, are neurodivergent so some of the context I may write or discuss in my content may get lost in the sauce. I get it. But sometimes it’s just plain unpacked entitlement, subconscious and conscious beliefs that I am not as educated on a subject because I am Black, parasocial relationships built off of mammification of me, the need to “put down” or tame a Sapphire (another racial stereotype), and the need to play White Savior.
I know it doesn’t look it, but I do research what I am talking about. I have access to scholarly article databases (I’m literally in college on my last year right now for Transportation Logistics and Management). I have contemplated before how and where I can share my investigations, “research” (not peer supported, I’m not that smart haha), and analysis in longform (I’ve decided now that SubStack will be where I do this in the future). Before I went to the military I was accepted in the oldest public university, as well as one of the most prestigious universities in the country – UNC-Chapel Hill. I am a licensed FAA Air Traffic Controller and I am a train dispatcher. I was top of my class as an air traffic controller and as a dispatcher I was either #1 or #2.
I’m not stupid.
When you come to my page and feel empowered to do me a favor by educating me – please make sure you are clear of the context, nuance, and if you were the intended audience. Make sure you “get” the joke and ask for clarity if you are unsure. Do not weld your books, “data” and more in the comments or my DMs without making sure that you know I am incorrect and that my point was moot.
Recently someone entered my comments to inform me that bisexual women are by far and large less q***rphobic towards bisexual men than others and that they in fact receive more discrimination that bisexual men. They informed me that they had the data to prove this and could provide it to me in my DMs.
What was this in response to?
A reel of me mocking how some bisexual women would have acted when hearing Jamal, from the hit tv show Empire, sing his coming out song at his father’s all-white party.
So now I need to clarify: Empire is a Black tv show that focuses on a hip-hop mogul and CEO of his company Empire named Lucious and his family. The person singing the song is his son, Jamal, a musical talent who comes out as gay. His father Lucious is homophobic. The reaction Lucious has to his son coming out and being gay as well as the general Black community when this episode came out was about the same.
Additionally, this episode highlights the prevalence of mindless homophobia. Bisexuality falls in this same space when it comes to homophobia in MY community, specifically bisexual men. This episode only scratched the surface of the effects of homophobia on q***r Black men.
There is the “DL” or down-low “pandemic” in the Black community that Oprah further exasperated in her tv series. Dr. David Malebranche, a gay Black man who is a doctor and does a lot of work related to HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment wrote an open letter to Oprah, criticizing this segment. Bisexuality is pooled automatically into homosexuality when it comes to Black men. They are not seen as bisexual, but simply as “gay” in MANY spaces in our community. My reel was highlighting the hypocritical disgust that many bisexual women have towards bisexual Black men. This is also apart of the stigma that being intimate with a bisexual man, whether he is actively with other men or if he has ever been with other, someone “exposes” you to HIV/AIDS.
The nuances of that post were deeper than just me dancing in my damn living room for giggles. And that’s why I am telling y’all to read the room and adjust your lens on how you see my content. If you can’t do that then just leave because it’s pi***ng me off.
