09/03/2023
Myth 11: You're too independent.
Have you ever been told that you are too independent and that's why you're single? 😫
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To be independent doesn't mean you refuse help - that's denial. To be independent simply means you don't rely on help.
But it's that word "too" that carries the real weight of criticism in that myth. Without it, the phrase just sounds condescending but with it, the phrase becomes an accusation that implies your refusal of help has deemed you undesirable, problematic, or (ironically) unwanted.
I have never heard this phrase used to describe a single man.
Why? Because without independence you have limited free will (if any), and you lack self-governance. A man is encouraged to be as independent as possible submitting only to God - not even the government (2nd amendment).
The woman however is expected, encouraged, (or in some spaces) required to bend her will or to be obedient and this generally works beautifully when she is literally dependent. Stuck.
However, the longer a woman has been single, the more independent she will inevitably be - who else gon' pay these bills?! Alas, we've found our conundrum for the single woman who desires to fit the mold of a dutiful wife. How much og her independence must she release to let love in?
My argument is, little to none.
But I ain't got no man. Lol
I may not be the best one to convince you.
I could've used this episode to argue why there is still a need for women to be helpless or explain the beauty of interdependence but I'm saving that for another time. (It's gonna be good). I thought it would be cool to interview women who are the epitome of independent - or perhaps interdependent - but happily married. Today, we celebrate how this attribute co-exists in a couple of marriages and how many women (around the world) are changing the dynamics of their marital unions.
