Marky the V

Marky the V randoms

04/09/2024

I truly appreciate those people who are aware of the happenings in my life. Those people who know about the things that I suffered from. Those people who validate my feelings. Those who remember my sacrifices. Those who continue to remain beside me, and are always all ears to listen to my rants, stories, and sorrows. Those who are with me to celebrate my small successes and achievements in life.

I learned in life that true and real friends are the people who are hardest to find. Similar to precious stones, they are rare to cultivate. Throughout my life, I have never been vocal to people to share with them about my sufferings.
My silent cries and battles remained undiscovered. I used to celebrate and enjoy my breakthroughs on my own because I also used to believe that nobody would really love to celebrate with me.

I used to think that I am the one who is responsible for my own. That people would never truly care for me. My entire life was a roller coaster ride wherein I am the only rider. I learned to continue on my own with insufficient support (emotional and psychological) and guidance from others. I used to wipe my tears all by myself. But regardless of everything that I experienced in life, I am thankful for the lessons it engraved within my heart and my mind.

I had so much silent suffering, almost endless weeps, and battles from then up to the present. But I'm grateful because I was able to deal with them. I'm also thankful for the people who have the courage to know me. Those who laughed and cried on my stories. Once upon a time this person was not the person as he is today. He struggled, yet he managed to survive.

One day, this person will be able to reach his dreams, and will soar high to fulfill his duty.

One day, this person will be able to go beyond his limits and will live as free as a swallow flying between the clouds.

28/08/2024

Anong gagawin ko rito sa sira-sirang mental health at unstable emotions ko?

26/07/2024

I'm stuck in between the regrets of the past and the fears of the future.

20/01/2024

Gradually revealing my true colors because I'm done with people.

13/12/2023

Gusto kong makumpleto 'yung simbang gabi tapos ang pinakahiling ko ay maibalik na muli 'yung dating ako.

04/12/2023

I always keep myself silent because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings with words, for I know the fact that words cut deeper than the knife. But, please don't put me in a situation in which I really need to speak up.

I'm so done with your hypocritical attitude. I'm such an observant person and I have observed everything on your behavior and personality. I don't want to put it into words, but you have a "superiority complex". You often see people by the benefits they give to you. Your treatment to them is always based on their use to you as well.

I respect you and I treated you as one of the important people in my present life. I don't know what to say anymore, but I pity you more than myself. I hope that one day, you find out how to change your attitude. So I don't have to make you realize it because it will also be hurt on my part.

Let me just share this with you, one of the most important and recent lessons in my life. "Not because you have your own struggles doesn't mean that the people around you must suffer with you too". I have shown you very much empathy and not just sympathy. I don't need to interpret it, but I want you to comprehend each word.

30/11/2023

Twas saddening to feel na parang yung worth ko is nakadepende sa pakinabang ko haha.

30/11/2023

Punyeta!

23/11/2023

Sabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi na ako iiyak dahil lang sa naiistress ako pero sorry hindi ko pala kaya. Ayokong nararanasang umiiyak sa harap ng ibang tao tapos hindi ko naman kaya ikwento lahat. Ambigat lang sa pakiramdam habang tumutulo yung luha ko tapos hindi ko makayang humarap at magsalita sa nararamdaman ko.

I feel so sorry for myself, for I think that I can handle every situation, for I think that I'm expressive enough to share everything, but that's all I thought.

It's just unfair to think that while they are enjoying their victories outside, I am here inside the room, crying silently, and asking God to lessen the pain, clear and calm my mind.

If you see me as cheerful or happy in a social environment, please don't believe that. My anguishes hid in my deepest within and I don't have the courage to release them all and for I don't know who to trust with.

Your Marky is anxious tonight and I hope he gets fine as soon as it's not too late.

31/10/2023

So much pain inside and I feel like my heart is going to explode anytime:(

19/09/2023

Could be my saddest reality: I have to stay all day inside the room just to study but still unable to function well. This is exactly what I'm trying to escape. I hate it so bad.

23/08/2023

I just realized that while growing up, my feelings are getting fragile. I can't even handle my emotions in watching or reading romantic series or manga with a very melancholic plot.

So tonight, I cried very sad:(((

23/08/2023

It's always hard for me to give my trust to anyone. It's just I feel like I was betrayed by people multiple times in my past life.

18/08/2023

Still living in fear of disappointing others.

04/08/2023

A sudden realization:

Not all the time is, you have to be a righteous person. Minsan, sa pagiging righteous natin na tayo ay napapagiwanan tayo. Personally, I encourage others to avoid practicing the idea of the so-called "perfectionism". Minsan mas mainam na ginagawa mo yung mga bagay na may bahid ng kamalian. I'm not telling you na dapat ay palaging may kasamang mali, but in my case, I realized that, maraming pagkakataon sa buhay ko na ginagawa ko yung tama to the point na nagmumukha na akong masama at mali sa mata ng iba.

Natutunan ko na sometimes, you don't need to be righteous, yet you need to widen your understanding.

Minsan, mas mabuti na sumangayon ka na lang sa mga bagay-bagay lalo na kung nauunawaan mo na makipot yung pang-unawa ng iba.

12/07/2023

Super nakakaiyak huhuhu it wasn't my fault but I had to admit that it was mine. Gusto ko manumbat pero wala akong karapatan. Nakakaiyak dahil super bigat sa pakiramdam. The reality of life taught me to feel the feelings that I should have felt before.

I just want genuine happiness in which I could smile purely and innocently. I expected so many things that would go what they should be but I never thought that they would happen beyond the expectations.

My journey is just getting started and I know I don't have an absolute right to complain. But, people were really getting into my nerves lately. I became involved in some tough situations in which I should not be.

24/06/2023

Probably, one of the major factors why I can't give the genuine and purest happiness to myself is that because there's too much hatred in my heart and confusion in my mind.

And the hardest battle that often leads me to negativity in life is when my hatred consumes me gradually, to the point in which I make many impulsive decisions and actions that also make me suffer in the end.

So hard to live a day without assurance of stability... A stable mind and emotion and positive approach in day-to-day situations.

The bottom line is...yourself is your hostile foe. Your emotions, mindset, actions, and perceptions are just parts of you.

08/06/2023

Am I over-sharing everything?

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