
02/09/2025
I have been holding back for months now, afraid of being fully seen and admitting something I’ve felt so much shame around.
It’s affected my life in every single way.
And my body and mind have been in survival mode for over a year.
It’s meant I’ve become a shell of who I was from the stress, and I’m stumbling around now figuring out how to get back to HER. The woman I know I am - before the trauma, the pain, the isolation.
Dealing with post partum depression has been the most challenging experience of my life.
I am so grateful and in love with my son, he has been worth every second of this and in the same breath the past year has deeply affected my body, nervous system and brain...
I’ve tried to be everything to everyone and ended up being none of those things.
I never poured back into my own cup and threw myself into motherhood and business with no maternity leave completely neglecting my own needs.
I’ve definitely made mistakes and caused my loved ones hurt as I’m fumbling along figuring out this experience as a first time mum and trying to find a solution to the feelings and pain it has brought up.
Blindness, not being able to walk, Hyperemsis, infections, blood loss, c-section - it all finally caught up to me.
And now I’m so dedicated to finding my way back, to be the woman I know I am deep down once again. Only this time I will shine brighter because I know the depths this has taken me too. I have so much to be thankful for.
I’m sharing this because it’s been clear I’ve not been showing up online and this is why.
I’m sharing because post partum depression is so not spoken about enough.
Some women aren’t as lucky as me, they don’t make it through.
I’m grateful to be here, to be focused on my healing and showing up here again very soon in the capacity I once did.
I’m grateful to my loved ones for seeing me when I couldn’t and can’t always see myself.
I’m grateful to my son who continues to be the biggest light, and love whose smile makes it all so much better.
Thank you for letting me share and I am sending so much love to you if you’re currently navigating your own storms too. ♥️