Post-Industrial Post

23/02/2023

In America, sports heal all wounds.

PARIS, FRANCE -- The United States has petitioned the International Olympic Committee to have competitive mass shooting included as a medal event at the upcoming summer games to be held here in 2024. In the wake of still another incident involving a lone gunman, a semi-automatic weapon and multiple,...

10/02/2023

Stupid is as stupid does.

WASHINGTON, DC -- Kevin Seefried, was sentenced yesterday after being convicted of taking part in the January 6, 2021 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol building. Seefried, a high-school dropout from Delaware, brought his adult son along when they breached the Capitol doors, waved a Confederate battle...

06/02/2023

LAKEHURST, NJ -- After tracking an apparent Chinese spy balloon on its slow journey across American airspace, the Air Force yesterday attempted to shoot down the craft as it exited via the U.S. East Coast. Initially thought to have safely crashed somewhere just off the Carolina shore after being def...

04/02/2023

Again?

TAMPA, FL -- After 23 seasons as one of the greatest quarterback's in the game's history, Tom Brady is retiring from professional football. The announcement came as Brady was traveling to a "secret location" for the one of his annual retreats of spa treatments, vitamin injections and experimental el...

30/01/2023

The salad days are over.

WELLESLEY ISLAND, NY — The Russian navy, in a bold move certain to torpedo hopes for any sort of detente between Vladimir Putin and the West, has today invaded the Thousand Islands. Located in the St. Lawrence River, along the United States-Canada border, this popular tourist area seemed unprepare...

27/01/2023

Rah, rah, sis boom bot.

SOMEWHERE IN SUBURBAN AMERICA — When safety Damar Hamlin’s near-fatal injury during the final weekend of the regular NFL season caused a cancellation of the Bills-Bengals game, the possibility of a neutral site playoff game became a real contingency. Despite the Bills rendering the concept moot ...

17/01/2023

There are 8.4 million stories in the naked city...

EL PASO, TX — While inspecting the United States-Mexico border today, New York City mayor Eric Adams explained that “there is no room” in his city for the hordes of migrants who have shown up here in recent weeks. Thousands have already been bused north to New York City in an act of desperatio...

12/01/2023

WASHINGTON, DC — President Biden elaborated today on the rumored ban of gas stoves by proposing bans on dozens of other home appliances deemed harmful. The gas stove ban was purported to be a national version of one proposed in California, ostensibly to curb harmful fumes in homes and to stem the ...

06/01/2023

WASHINGTON, DC — U.S. Senator Kristen Sinema, formerly a Democrat representing the state of Arizona, has recently left the party to become an independent. Fellow Democrats, of course, were quick to condemn the move as disloyal and short-sighted. Sinema also famously identifies as a bisexual, which...

19/05/2022

Bobby “Leadfoot” Couslicek, star of those great Washington Generals teams of the early days of the NBA, has sounded the alarm on what he sees as a dangerous trend in professional basketball. Couslicek, who made his bones on the full court press, the set shot and other tricks that date almost bac...

16/05/2022

THE VILLAGES, FL — Despite the usual signs and the insistence of End Times theologians, Jesus of Nazareth indicated today that He will not, in fact, be returning soon. Revered by many as the son of God — that deity known variously as Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, and “Rusty” to His intimates — J...

15/05/2022

WASHINGTON, DC — In testimony yesterday before the Senate Armed Services committee, Chief of Staff Lt. Gen. Burleigh “Buster” Holeflapp detailed the sort of funding the United States Air Force would need to upgrade its current fleet of unmanned drones. He faced tough questioning from members o...