18/06/2025
The debris of at least five towers that had fallen in my life metaphorically accumulated up to my nostrils, with the stench of my own mess hopefully poisoning me beyond survival. I countered this with irony, " good luck and good rid dons" and probably others too . At this point I was too despondent to ask where the most high fitted in this picture. I had been betrayed too many times to expect to be thrown a life jacket which I didn't receive anyway. Although the eerie silence did make me feel like I didn't exist, which I guess was the point. I surprisingly found the strength to rise up out of bed to fight another day. My slow walk home to victory seemed reachable, even though I couldn't see it.
Besides, nobody, wants to be around bad luck Sally who's life's disintegrating at the seams. But roll forward three and half years later walking with my tail between my legs, and regretful of my past pity party, I had to admit my life was in desperate need of an overhaul therefore allowing me to emerge as an empowered soul in spite of my past feelings of inadequacy.
There's a verse in the bible which says , "Therefore, we are not discouraged, but we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.". This verse emphasizes the importance of focusing on the unseen, eternal things, rather than being consumed by the temporary, visible aspects of life. In short what is material is here today and gone tomorrow. Unfortunately, this is true especially with people and the world of social media.
A few weeks ago, I heard an incredible sermon about the pruning season which drew me into deep reflection and realisation that humbled me from my initial angst with spirit in general. The pastor spoke about the cause and God allowing things to happen.
I posed this question to ChatGPT:
Hello,
Into today’s service at church they talked about “ The pruning of life”
It was mentioned God doesn’t cause things to happen but he allows things to happen.
But if you allow things to happen isn’t that almost the same as consenting to the cause without your fingers doing so?
Hi Melody,
That’s a really thoughtful question—and one that has stirred theological and philosophical debates for centuries.
You’re right in noticing a tension between allowing and causing. On the surface, allowing something to happen can seem like passive agreement or indirect responsibility. If God has the power to intervene but chooses not to, it can feel like He is consenting to the outcome—even if He didn’t directly cause it. But here’s the theological distinction often made in Christian thought:
Causing implies direct initiation—God actively brings about the event.
Allowing means He permits it within the bounds of free will and a broken world, but it is not His doing or desire.
In John 15, when Jesus speaks about the pruning metaphor, He’s referring to a purposeful process—cutting back to promote growth. The hard seasons God allows can be viewed as tools for that pruning, even if He didn’t cause the hardship itself (like human cruelty, injustice, or natural disasters).
The deeper point here is this: God’s allowance is not passive indifference, but a redemptive permission. He allows in order to ultimately heal, shape, or prepare us—often in ways we only understand in hindsight.
I would like to focus on the last point to frame my argument. While , I was experiencing my tower moments I felt like an abandoned house with very little chance of being repaired or purchased. Nobody was interested in helping me, nor rescuing me. But all I wanted was for someone to be there while I was going through a difficult time. However, my disasters were of little importance to other people, in comparison to all the fortuitous things happening in their lives.
The pain, stuffed with disappointment was gutting. I felt worthless and betrayed. But, why ?
I thought, I had experienced the same thing all my life, so why would I expect anything to be different. I was pouring new wine and mixing it with old wine while assuming a different outcome , that would be unpalatable. Toxic , selfish people can't help you. They can only take from you, to serve their needs while using others.
But some people literally, don't know how to be there for other people or comfort them. I get it!
However, I feel that's an excuse!
People, try to write their insensitivities off as " I'm hard skilled' I act from logic and so on and so forth." Even though with some people it's true. But for the most part, this one liner is used to avoid confronting the real issue and that is , people aren't interested in investing in you unless they can reap benefit from it for themselves.
Since I have done some of the deep internal work on myself, by going on this journey alone. I can say I am truly grateful of being taught the harsh and withering conditions of truths and abandonment which forced me, to swim in some very choppy water without a life jacket. However, all this was a God send because I accomplished more than I ever imagined with people.
I realised the seed of my feelings of abandonment were planted in the assumption, I expected people to do things for me that I wasn't prepared to do for myself. Like give encouragement, aid me in care of mental well being as I had done for others on so many occasions without a whimper of NO! However, it dawned on me these were all the things I should have been groomed to do through my family circle , which they couldn't do, due a broke mentality.
So, the after effects of my supposed glow up from doing the heavy lift was met with jealousy, feelings of being threatened, coupled with bullying behaviour. I could clearly see the mirror had two faces that wasn't in alignment with the contrasting sides.
You see, people's obvious acts of resentment towards me, was that I reflected back to them a person who had done the work and seen inspired results which they weren't prepared do for themselves, but expected 'the garbage container ' me to be sponge to mop them up and fix them like the crazy glue genius they wanted. And this, was the unspoken agreement that had existed between my fake friends and I, for a long time, since I had no boundaries and self esteem to decline their original seeds of neediness. But on the other hand, most people chose to act like an escape artist and run to a quick fix therapist. These professionals were selected to provide them with their miracles whilst robbing the client of their own sense of self empowerment, therefore ushering in a cycle of inherent co-dependency, through supply and demand for a superficial band aid. Since my spiritual wake up call, they could no longer cleave to me , as I had mounted the wall of Jericho around me which clearly read, " permanently out of service" which was an enormous body blow that no one had anticipated.
So, in my pruning season I experienced the falling away of dandruff by using a heavy spiritual shampoo that cleansed away all the unwanted toxins that had plagued by life. However, I'm not the victim here. I exploited my empathetic nature and kindness towards people to feel useful in their lives so I would fit in and feel I belonged. Even though I didn't. I was afraid of these toxic bullies because I had surrendered my power. God's redemptive call on my life certainly wasn't the passive indifference. It was used as a strategic and spiritual balm to heal and shape me into the essence of whom I'm becoming. And, this couldn't have happened with the harsh cutting away of unwanted overgrowth that had been shrouding my light- the essence of who I am growing into.
So, I don't know what season of life you're going through at the moment, but I would encourage you to go the distance if you in the process of experiencing the cutback of the overgrowth. Why? Because this can lead to destroying the potential of new growth due to metaphorical bacteria which would restrict the ability to hold space to grow and recognise old patterns that had out stayed their welcome.
Let me breakdown my experience to illustrate the transformative fresh growth and opportunity that emerged from my desperate need of pruning.
When I was hit with a devastating onslaught of tower moments my fake friends and nosey neighbours fled the scene like cockroaches discovered once the light was turned on. This imposing light was spirit saying to my consciousness let separate the sheep from the goats and see who sticks around. Well, no one did!
Breast cancer showed me the light, when someone from the church pretended to be well intended and used the opportunity to use my case , just after surgery as a moment to plead for her friend who had recovered from a similar intervention only to emphasize what a terrible time she went through and take profit of this opportunity to use me as fodder for competition. Spirit bit back and said fight back! I did with this simple sentence; 'I have a strong constitution and powerful regenerative cells'. Who knew ,but spirit was going to take what I said and prove a miracle that confused the doctors after radio therapy. I didn't have one burn mark on my breast. Not one! This is unheard of. Pruning number one; Cut away those secretly negative blood suckers that couldn't give a damn about your life and allow new growth and potential to birth a new.
2. Loss of my apartment and job nipping at my heels. The pandemic forced me, into becoming a Pretty resourceful person which I had no idea I was. For one thing, I had no one to turn to for support that wouldn't make me look like a fool. This only kept me stuck in the failed academic teacher mode that could do s**t! Because I wasn't intelligent enough like the fledging teachers' 'teachers' that walked around like encyclopaedias of English who knew all the correct answers. I was different. And I wasn't predominately 'Hard skilled' but Soft -skilled' and saw solutions to challenges through a different lense. Which wasn't always cut and dry. This way I was able to combine my creativity, individualism, problem solving with practical logic to match academic requirements, that was far more conducive for me. I started to home school from a cultural communicative and situational aspect, which elevated me a lot. I understood the many different layers to teaching and learning, through different spheres such as coaching, mentoring, teaching and leading. Seamlessly operating under the umbrella as teacher or coach. I acknowledged my intuitive, intellectual capacities could be used with wisdom discernment and problem solving to understand different situations from a more authentic point of view. I didn't have job, but I acquired skills I never thought I had.
My cat died near the house that I got for us to live in. It was time to find my real home, but not outside, from within. It was time to cut back the overgrowth and create the opportunity from outside and inside. So, by the time my pruning season was coming to an end. I realized how to adapt to different circumstances and dwell in my spiritual home of peace and experience a sense of belonging I had been in search of all my life, whilst being homeless.
3. On January 10th early in the morning between 2:am and 5:am I could feel the closing of the veil on my mother's life. My sister had notified me the evening before since she was A- symptomatic covid they were going to let her pass over to the other side as she was no longer responding to treatment. I could hear the whispers of her death upon me. Sad to say; I had wanted my mother to be out of my life since I was young. She had been a malignant narcissist who spent her life living vicariously through me or unfortunately anybody else that could give her a superficial sense of being alive! So, when I received the email from my sister 9,am sharp, it read ' mother passed away, at 5,am this morning, she didn't suffer.' I was glad there was an end to her life of long suffering and I was relieved that she'd no longer be present in my life.
"But , not so fast!" there was enormous residue left over from the damage caused on her children due to her emotional abuse as a narcissist which needed to be dealt with, by her 'off-spring'. Not only me, my sister and niece had an enormous financial co-dependant relationship which kept the both of them in desperate need of each other.
The question WHY? Hung in the air like an answer to question I already knew but was having a hard time accepting. Why couldn't she love her youngest daughter?
There was judgement she pinned on me for not mending a broken marriage, and I was her enemy number one. I was her competition. I used to have a recurring dream of my father ( blood father ) coming towards me in the dark hall with light at the end of the tunnel and my mother looking like a child sitting crossed legged on the floor.
As my dad approached me close up, he stabbed me to death and quietly walked away. My mother didn't do anything accept remain in the same position sitting on the floor and that was it. She wanted me dead because I was just an ugly reminder of a manipulative plan that went south.
Dealing with the aftermath, wasn't easy but it had to be done. In Canada, I had a huge breakthrough with transmuting family generational karma from family curses which helped me let go of my mother's hate towards me. And , I was able to forgive my father too. After forty something years of abandonment, my sister called on March 4th to say my dad was about to celebrate he's 95th birthday in Jamaica, and had been asking for me. Well, I was shocked , happy for him and overjoyed that even remembered me. He'd always kept in touch with my older siter through my half brother I 'd never met or even spoken to, until the end of March. I was a bit surprised by dragging of the since prior to me sending my email and birthday greetings it seemed urgent. At the Beginning of April, I finally spoke to my blood father and offered my token of forgiveness since so much time had passed and let go of the past. He was grateful, but never extended and offering it back. I was Pretty pi**ed off since I had done nothing wrong. But spirit had spoken in my heart and conveyed the forgiveness had more to with me than him. It was confirmation I didn't need his approval , his love, his acceptance. All I needed , I guess was his acknowledgement that I existed. Since then , he has had surgery on his hernia, and although it went well, he hasn't mad one move to contact me again which he mildly promised for reunion on zoom. I guess, he got what he wanted and so did I so there's no need to keep in touch again. Going through this whole episode made me think " what if holding on to the pain, is no longer worth it, anymore?" And when this happens it means an enormous energetic shift in how you perceive things has entered your life. Which I believe is the wonderful gift for all concerned. The cutting back of the overgrowth that was suffocating my progress in life had to be handle strategically in plain sight so there'd be no confusion as to what happened and with my willingness , of course since I was doing the brunt of the work. So, upon hindsight although what I went through seemed like awful tasting medicine, it was worth the fight to finally experience the pure fresh growth I've needed all of my life.
