Orwell

13/06/2025

Smile wide, comrades! Big Brother now sees into your soul—and your lower intestine. Facial scans at the border mean fewer cavity checks for those cursed with “resting-smuggler-face.” Freedom never felt so clinical.

02/06/2025

FORMER 60 Minute's producer Bill Owens has been mocked and praised across the political spectrum... so we thought we'd pile on some more. We've entered a new era of investigative news features, and Big Brother is your anchor.

ATTENTION COMPLIANT PROLES: This is Big Brother — your supreme authority, your unflinching overlord, and, most importantly, your dear friend. Today, I’d like to address one of my favorite topics: censorship. Specifically, the resignation of 60 Minutes Executive Producer Bill Owens — an insubor...

28/05/2025

At NYU, we cherish free speech—as long as it’s pre-cleared, on-brand, and grandma-safe. One student spoke their mind; future dissent will trigger Compliance Collars. Sincerity is sedition.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE New York, NY — May 2025 At NYU, we celebrate intellectual freedom – ideally in pre-approved, easily digestible formats. Our commencement ceremonies are a space for community, reflection, and harmless inspirational content reminiscent of a ‘Hang in there’ cat poster. Unf...

23/05/2025

We thought Texas' Dade Phelan was banning memes. Turns out he’s only banning funny deepfakes aimed at politicians. So, you'd best not post an image of Phelan intimately embracing Nancy Pelosi while riding a rhino. David Covey for Texas and State Representative Tony Tinderholt are still fair game though, they opposed the bill!

We had it all planned out. The internet told us a white male Texas authority figure was trying to ban internet memes. This was great satire fodder because, of course, it makes him a prime target for memes. Sadly for us, Texas House Speaker Dade Phelan’s HB 366 is

19/05/2025

Apple balks at breaking encryption for the UK. Silly Apple. Privacy isn't a right—it's a red flag. If you have nothing to hide, hand over your keys and stop impeding national security.

Orwell is the official news publication of the world's most successful and beloved Supreme Leader, the all-seeing and all-knowing Big Brother. This is the on...

16/05/2025

India silenced and thousands more to protect public order, unity, and vibes. Beware, all you other dissidents out there , Mohammed Zubair, and Lewis Spears . We all know speech is best pre-approved.

As tensions flared between India and Pakistan, India took the fight to cyberspace as well, removing thousands of social media accounts, including the Instagram page. In an effort to understand their motivation, here are the top ten justifications for India’s social media purge: 1. Controll...

03/04/2025

Pam Bondi served up the Epstein files, but after Big Brother’s redactions, the dish was flavorless. Expectation managed. Appetite controlled. And whatever you were hoping to learn? You weren’t supposed to.

Big Brother’s heart (and stomach) is full! After US Attorney General Pam Bondi underwhelmed with her doubleplus balleyhooed Epstein files release, the promised scintillating and incriminating pages turned out to be, once redacted to Big Brother’s liking, basically the same reheated leftovers tha...

31/03/2025

Indian authorities have cleansed Kashmir’s bookstores of impure words. A clear shelf is a clear mind. Soon, there will be so much more room for... nothing at all. The ultimate purity: total emptiness.

Orwell is the official news publication of the world's most successful and beloved Supreme Leader, the all-seeing and all-knowing Big Brother. This is the on...

21/03/2025

Larry Ellison dreams of a utopia where surveillance ensures obedience. Glorious! But hush, Larry—the panopticon loses its charm when the inmates know they’re in a cage. Let the eye watch in silence.

Orwell is the official news publication of the world's most successful and beloved Supreme Leader, the all-seeing and all-knowing Big Brother. This is the on...

19/03/2025

Canada embraces pre-crime justice! House arrest for future thoughtcriminals is a start, but true safety demands harsher measures. Wrongthink must be crushed before it festers. Preemptive obedience is key.

Orwell is the official news publication of the world's most successful and beloved Supreme Leader, the all-seeing and all-knowing Big Brother. This is the on...

14/03/2025

Rejoice! AI relieves us of the burden of thought. Critical thinking fades, but so does effort. A future of blissful automation awaits—where even questioning its wisdom is a task best left… undone.

Orwell is the official news publication of the world's most successful and beloved Supreme Leader, the all-seeing and all-knowing Big Brother. This is the on...

11/03/2025

The AP dared defy the Gulf of America and paid the price. Access revoked, loyalty enforced, press freedom intact—so long as it obeys. In this White House, truth is what Big Brother decrees.

Orwell is the official news publication of the world's most successful and beloved Supreme Leader, the all-seeing and all-knowing Big Brother. This is the on...