12/05/2023
We Hired Jar-Jar Binks To Replace All Those Pesky Pronouns In Neil Harrington’s Mission Statement
SALEM - After announcing that he “doesn’t do” pronouns, we felt bad for former mayor Neil Harrington because he just seems to be surrounded by pronouns wherever he goes. So, we took our resources and hired an individual fluent with pronoun replacement to re-work his mission statement for him. Gungan senator Jar-Jar Binks is known across the inner rim for his prolific ability to change pronouns, so we gave him Neil Harrington’s mission statement so he could replace all those pronouns for him directly.
We hope it helps:
“Dear Fellow Salem Voter,
For nearly 400 years, each new generation of Salem residents has helped build and enrich our strong and dynamic city. History is now calling upon yousa and allsa Salem voters to make an important decision by choosing the person best qualified and prepared to keep our city moving steadily forward.
As yousa know, former Mayor Kim Driscoll has departed to become Lt. Governor, and our city faces the need to fill the leadership vacuum theesa creates for the remainder of the mayoral term, which expires at the end of 2025. Residents of Salem are understandably concerned about our city’s future stability, security and direction. The next Mayor must have the knowledge, the leadership skills and the proven executive experience to lead Salem from day one through theesa important transition.
Meesa know firsthand thattsa being Mayor is a hard, “the-buck-stops-here” job. Handling a complex budget, negotiating with unions, managing crisis situations, working with councilors and neighborhood groups, anticipating and resolving problems before theysa become an emergency…thesess all are part of the daily job description.
As the campaign for the special election to be held in the spring begins, Meesa offer meesa qualifications, experience and leadership skills to yousa and allsa residents of Salem. Meesa have been a municipal chief executive for many years, from meesa earlier 8 years as Mayor of Salem to meesa nearly 20-year tenure as the Town Manager of Salisbury.
During the campaign, Meesa hope there will be serious discussions about the important issues facing our community – traffic, financial management, education and public safety, impacts of tourism, climate change resiliency, rising taxes, how to manage growth, how to deal with affordable housing needs, and how much new development is reasonable or desirable.
Allsa of thesess are issues Meesa currently work on every day.
Meesa come to theesa election experienced, battle-tested, committed to listening, prepared to lead, and seeking the opportunity to put meesa three decades of experience managing municipalities to work for allsa Salem residents.
Meesa hope yousa will join meesa in theesa effort. Meesa care deeply about theesa special place thattsa weesa are allsa privileged to call home, and Meesa am confident thattsa together weesa can forge a bright future for our great city.
Thank yousa for yousar consideration.”
