Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems

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Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems is a series of humor books from comedian and humor writer Joe Ditzel.

07/11/2024

📢 Breaking News: The U.S. government just introduced a “Vote Return Policy”! If you regret who you voted for, you can now return your vote and get a “credit” toward a new choice. Think of it as democracy’s version of a no-questions-asked exchange. 😂 Just bring your original vote to a certified Vote Redemption Center—proof of voter remorse encouraged! Who’s ready for their electoral do-over? 🗳️🙌

31/10/2024

Headline I didn't expect: Russia fines Google more than the world's entire GDP

Which Republican presidential candidate (since 2000) has received the largest percentage of the vote in each US state? (...
31/10/2024

Which Republican presidential candidate (since 2000) has received the largest percentage of the vote in each US state? (via Reddit)

Cotton ribbed polo shirt from Brunello Cucinelli,, a favorite designer of the ultra wealthy. $1550.
30/10/2024

Cotton ribbed polo shirt from Brunello Cucinelli,, a favorite designer of the ultra wealthy. $1550.

30/10/2024

At the pro golf level, the best putter only has about a 1.5 stroke per round advantage on the worst putter in the field. For driving, the difference is closer to a 3 stroke advantage.
The best drivers tend to gain more strokes off the tee compared to the strokes gained by the best putters, simply because driving impacts how the entire hole plays out, from leaving shorter approaches to avoiding penalties and difficult lies.

30/10/2024

The chance of an undocumented immigrant voting in a national election is next to nothing statistically.

Very low chance it happens. How low? It's about as low as:

Winning the Lottery Twice in a Row: Imagine winning the lottery, then somehow winning again on the next draw—pretty much how unlikely it is for illegal voting by undocumented immigrants to meaningfully affect an election.

Struck by Lightning Twice in One Year: Your chance of being struck by lightning twice in one year is incredibly slim. (This did happen to my cousin though on two different golf courses. We call him Lightning Larry.)

Shuffling a Deck into Perfect Order: The odds of shuffling a deck of cards back into its original order is astronomically low.

Being Hit by a Falling Meteor: Your odds of being struck by a meteor are higher than the chances of illegal voting by undocumented immigrants.

30/10/2024

Typical Pay for The Beatles in Hamburg, Germany - The Beatles' pay during their Hamburg stints varied:

First Trip (1960)
Indra Club: 30-40 DM (Deutsche Marks) per week (~ $8-10 USD)
Kaiserkeller: 35-50 DM per week (~ $9-13 USD)

Second Trip (1961)
Top Ten Club: 400-600 DM per month (~ $100-150 USD)
Average nightly pay: 40-60 DM (~ $10-15 USD)

Third Trip (1962)
Star-Club: 500-800 DM per month (~ $125-200 USD)
Average nightly pay: 50-80 DM (~ $12-20 USD)

Adjusted for inflation:

1960: ~ $70-140 USD per week
1961: ~ $900-1,400 USD per month
1962: ~ $1,100-1,800 USD per month

30/10/2024

Truth Adjacent Fun Facts:

Democrats are three times more likely to own a rescue dog, while Republicans are three times more likely to know someone who breeds Labradors “as a hobby.”

At any given time, 67% of Republicans are within 50 feet of a grilling spatula.

Democrats are statistically more likely to follow at least one social media account dedicated to houseplants.

Republicans are four times as likely to have a favorite pen that’s branded with an insurance company logo.

A recent study found that, in times of mild stress, 89% of Democrats instinctively reach for herbal tea, while 89% of Republicans instinctively reach for a map of Ronald Reagan’s birthplace.

Democrats spend nearly twice as much as Republicans on reusable shopping bags that they always forget in their car.

Republicans report a 90% chance of owning a keychain that doubles as a bottle opener, compared to 40% of Democrats.

Democrats are five times more likely than Republicans to have strong opinions on the authenticity of kombucha brands.

30/10/2024

Headline I didn't expect to see today: Ex-Auburn football player helps bail out wife, her lover who are accused of plotting his murder.

RIP Teri Garr
29/10/2024

RIP Teri Garr

What the heck?
29/10/2024

What the heck?

29/10/2024

The Dodgers are cleaning the Yankees' clock so far. They've taken a 3-0 lead in the World Series, with Freddie Freeman on fire and Aaron Judge struggling to find his rhythm.

The Dodgers and Yankees have a long and storied history, having met in the World Series a record 12 times. Here's a breakdown of their past matchups:

1941 World Series: Yankees won 4-1
1947 World Series: Yankees won 4-3
1949 World Series: Yankees won 4-1
1952 World Series: Yankees won 4-3
1953 World Series: Yankees won 4-2
1955 World Series: Dodgers won 4-3
1956 World Series: Yankees won 4-3
1963 World Series: Dodgers won 4-0
1977 World Series: Yankees won 4-2
1978 World Series: Yankees won 4-2
1981 World Series: Dodgers won 4-2
2024 World Series: Dodgers currently lead 3-0

The Yankees have the edge in their World Series matchups, winning eight times to the Dodgers' four victories.

Their rivalry began when the Dodgers played in Brooklyn and the Yankees in the Bronx, and it continued after the Dodgers moved to Los Angeles in 1958. Team owner Walter O'Malley allegedly lost a heated argument with a local bagel shop owner over whether a schmear should cost extra. In a fit of spite, he declared, "If I can't have reasonably priced bagels, I'm taking my baseball team to a city that doesn't even know what a bagel is!"

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