01/04/2025
🚨NHS Greater Glasgow & Clyde are teaming up with Rangers due to spikes in heart related issues since February. Whilst the direct cause remains unclear, heart related issues among Rangers fans has grown 87% during our matches being played and interestingly doubles to around 175% when striker Cyriel Dessers is subbed on the park in the 2nd half of matches!
German cardiologist Dr. Freudian Slip, revealed the results of a study last week and came to the conclusion that a large portion of the issues are directly related to the Nigerian Nightmare being subbed onto the park, after measuring a number of volunteers via heart monitors. However, interestingly, the issues weren’t experienced as severely if Dessers started the match, only when subbed on when losing. Data was inconclusive when Dessers didn’t feature in a game.
The findings have led NHS Greater Glasgow & Clyde to team up with Rangers to make Dessers start ALL matches for the heart health of Rangers fans. A Rangers spokesman said “The health of our fan base is of upmost importance, so Sebo… sorry, Cyriel will have to start all remaining games this season until we can find an alternative in the summer”.
It is believed that the spike outwith Dessers appearance is due to Rangers conceding 2 goals a game before half time with Bazzball and the comeback gets the heart racing on top of an already large amount of stress on the heart.
If you think you have any issues with your heart, ensure you seek medical advice and help.
Study findings here https://tinyurl.com/58yb5c52
