07/07/2024
Aloha Friday is for Everyone Diaries
The LOOK of Love
“ L” is for the way you LOOK at me…
By Patricia Fua
It’s the way you move. Do you swoop in and attempt to rescue or observe from afar and strategize?
It was the day to flow as my “Be the Water” sign repeatedly attempted to take flight against my sincere objections. Crunched over onto a rolling walker with my bags and my sign lettered on a huge display board, I braced the wind like Sally Fields in a nun habit. Spotting a bench across the street from the capital building I managed the next 40 yards and sat down. I decided to wave my sign at the traffic and try to figure out which way the wind was blowing to avoid gaining too much ground speed before my next take off.
Be the Water (honk-honk, wave) Oh yeah. Be adaptable. I smile and wave back.
I’m just not feeling it. I gather my things up onto my walker and struggle with my 2 chairs, a table, and one plastic container with sandwiches, coffee, canned fish, fruit, nuts, etc. I get to the curb and the wings on my habit ( BE the water sign ) have received radar on an incoming gust of wind but not before I am able to successfully navigate the ramp around and into the street and I’m rolling carefully keeping my eye on the flashing orange hand and the anxious drivers betting on how long I will hold them up.
I pass a couple of people, some on their way to work, others waking up. With the wash over me of wanting to give up, quit, go home, I sadly sat on my newest folding chair decoupaged from the most recent issue of the AARP. It was black and white and red all over with screaming headlines warning people to be nice to senior citizens. That was when it happened. I had just plopped myself down when an object across the street caught my eye. It was a shape like mine, but all in black. I closed the bad eye and tried to see through the other one which was now trying to focus and there it was. A huge big tall person dressed all in black hunched way over and using a stick walker. This person was going down. I knew. It was like I saw it in slow motion happening.
I got back on my feet and put my wallet/car keys in my walker chair and left everything where it was. I raced (rolled) to the street as fast as I could and checked to cross. There was a white compact there waving me to go ahead. I felt like they saw that the person was in danger, and that I was going to help.
As I got closer I could see this person was this great big huge man maybe 6’4” and his walker was all bent up causing him to lose balance. I knew I didn’t want to try and catch him if he fell. I remembered I had orange juice today and so I got in front of his face and smiled “Hey dude! Waaassup? You having a rough time there. Can I give you a hand?” No answer.
Slow adjustments, face looking up slowly, true stink eye. “Hey Dude follow me. I have hot coffee orange juice and sandwiches”. He looked at me. I could tell he was confused because of my walker. He said. “ok”. I turned and faced the crosswalk only to see that the compact car was still waiting for us! How nice. It was like a grandma duck and, I dunno a really creepy Darth Vadar kinda dynasty duck/dude bent over and swimming with little success..
We had rested. He complained about the food, I quickly drew others over to give them food. I was ready to go home. Nothing was ok with him and I was having a difficult time remaining upbeat. BEING the water. Crashing and flowing I got ok but this taking the shape . Well. He wasn’t clean. And he was mean, and sick. And suddenly I felt a sigh of relief when a pretty little lady walked by. She was all dressed up for Valentine’s Day, so I said, Good Morning, Happy Valentine’s Day.” She mumbled. Then she stopped looked at me and said, “Thank you. You too.”
I was not expecting what happened next. This little petite lady straightened her shoulders and looked the homeless man square in the eyes and this shrill little voice came out of her, “ and you! You pull up your pants. Shame on you and your bare ass on that chair!” I know my eyebrows had shot up and my mouth was hanging wide open. I blinked and watched her walk away and as I turned, I saw him.
There he was sitting with his bare behind on my newly decoupaged AARP bulletin chair.
Suddenly I felt hot and disgusted and I gathered my thoughts as I started to round things up, I guess with the intent of leaving.
And then I heard him. He was crying. Sobbing actually. Great heaves of his big once strong chest. This man was at least 6’4” and now water was coming out of his mouth, tears rolling and he was blabbering. And it was then, that I failed. I handed him napkins and told him I was going to leave him the chair and to make sure no one took it away from him. It was then he looked up at me and his eyes were clear and real. “ I . I. I don’t know how I got here. This isn’t me.” I smiled and said I know. By then I am sure I was crying too.
“I have to go now. Please be well.” I left quickly packing up my chair and putting my plastic container back on my walker, trying to dry my eyes. I got to the corner to wait for the light and a mother with 2 children rushed around me almost causing me to fall. I heard her say to her kids, “Don’t touch your face the homeless people are out here”.
I think I was getting sick that day. I am sorry I didn't stay and talk to you. I never found out your name. And you matter. I hope you can be well and find a shelter. You haunt my days until I can get to the park again.
