11/03/2025
Why can’t I shift this Teletubby gut?
Why is my waistband digging in like razor wire?
Why have I just eaten another bag of those filthy chocolate pretzels?
Because my diet has been more lardy than a lorry-load of Trex lately.
A brutally cold winter, four-month flu fatigue, and an increasing penchant for fried goods (thanks to a new air fryer) have meant my clothes don’t fit anymore—despite whopping up my exercise antics to frenetic levels.
If I’m not out thrusting round the park on my Nordic walking sticks—getting strange glances because who goes skiing in central Manchester?—I’m leaping round the kitchen to Body Groove dance routines or throwing myself on the floor attempting yet another round of Yoga with Adriene.
It doesn’t seem to matter how much I exercise lately; the scales have only been heading in one direction. Up—like Bitcoin after an Elon Musk endorsement.
Time for the . Whole30 is a 30-day reset diet designed to cut out inflammatory and processed foods, helping you identify what fuels your body best. For a month, you eliminate sugar, alcohol, grains, dairy, and legumes—basically, anything fun—and eat only whole, nutrient-dense foods like meat, seafood, eggs, vegetables, fruit, and natural fats.
There are no cheat days, no sneaky snacks, and no “healthified” junk food.
I became Whole30-curious after repeatedly seeing posts from a wellbeing coach on my timeline. The meals looked simple, wholesome, and doable.
And although I can cook, my style is haphazard, untidy, and erratic. Chemo fog has left me with ADHD-like symptoms and a wobbly hand, so fine dicing is off-limits. I can’t even break an egg without destroying the kitchen, and more than one pan on the go is enough to spook me like a cat that’s seen a cucumber.
I’ve always said that my meals look like they’ve been catapulted out of an aeroplane. Presentation is not my strong suit.
Whole30 called to me because most of the meals—at least the ones I’ll be attempting—appear to be a big hunk of fish or meat, a load of veg, and a simple condiment dumped onto a plate. What is there to mess up?
So, we started on Lent, and now we’re on Day 6. And already, I’m feeling the benefits.
I have better energy. My waistband doesn’t feel like a skipping rope tied round a Zeppelin. And I’ve not eaten any dairy, sugar, grains, or multiple bags of chocolate pretzels.
Even the supermarket conveyor belt now looks like a harvest festival.
After 30 days you gradually reintroduce foods that could be causing you problems.
I may even start doing cookery videos, but you'll need to wear safety goggles and an apron because I get stuff EVERYWHERE. Stand back.
