29/03/2022
It’s been a short, tough, long and beautifully painful 2+ years as I try and learn to live in a world without my ma. She was my favorite person. The first creative I knew. Still to this day, my favorite actress and writer. The best there ever was and ever will be if you ask me.
A few years before she left this earth, she discovered some poems I had written during a season of heartbreak. She complied them into a book, wrote a forward and emailed it to me. In it she wrote:
“After reading several of the poems I began to cry incessantly. It is in this moment that as a mother, I realized I had missed one of the most beautiful moments in my daughter's life, 'falling in love for the first time'. Many years later after looking at her past blogs, it was always there for me to see and experience with her… She has taken this experience and shown us through her writing that healing is inevitable, forgiveness is possible, but to collect the experience is sometimes painful.”
I never published it. It’s still sitting there in a folder, nudging me to stop waiting to do the things I dream of because the people I love may never get the chance to see my heart wholly. And isn’t that what we desire from our loved ones?
So, it is here I find myself. Pouring my heart out to all the humans I adore, as I find a way to tell them over and over again how much of a gift they are to this world and to me.
As I soon welcome my 30th year on earth, I only hope to shine as brightly as my mama did. It was in her service to others, her ability to love deeply, to create and to forgive, that I find the courage to do the same. And I can’t forget DREAM. Because my GOODNESS did she dream the biggest dreams and showed me how to do the same.
And so naturally, I dedicate this heart project of mine to you, ma. My heart.
You can soon listen to A Colorful Life with Keiko Roy-Carey on all major Podcast platforms. Link in bio.