Meru community

17/05/2022

Tunaelekea wapi politically as the meru community?

Magazine

20/03/2019

21/09/2018

10/08/2016

Apparently, the Meru governor Hon Peter Munya should with immediate effect sack,replace and initiate litigation against his political advisers for misleading him.Since they fell out with his political father Hon Senator Kiraitu Murungi and was kicked out of his Mbus party and his hitherto defiance to Jubilee,Munya's political tribulations took another twist yesterday after his newly pronounced party merged with others to form JAP.Clearly, a shocked Munya responded by saying that those who merged the party ''are in dreams"!I followed the Merger event very keenly and the deputy President William Ruto emphasized that actually PNU officials including Kamana were present. This was according to me a direct address to Peter Munya that "PNU is Jubilee bro seek another party"! Now I particularly have a problem with Munya's rush and uniformed decisions to be duped and join a party only for it to be dissolved in weeks.Sources close to Munya argue that Kamama did not represent the NDC of PNU party but in either way,Hon Peter Munya is in political limbo and should act first or else he finishes fourth after Kiraitu,Kilemi and Mbijiwe in 2017.Free advice, take it or leave it!!

12/04/2015

Driving styles in Different countries!! . . . 1 hand on steering wheel, 1 hand out the window...... USA. . . 1 hand on steering wheel and 1 hand on horn..... JAPAN. . . . 1 hand on horn, 1 hand on gear, listening to a loud music. 1 Ear on cell phone, 1 foot on accelaration, Nothing on brakes, And both eyes on a female in the next car. . . . . . . KENYA. ... We are multi-talented.

31/05/2014

BABA WHILE YOU WERE AWAY, ........
~ They sold us to the chinese, Ochie'ng is
now O
Chi
Yeng...
~ We paid anglo leasing 1.4billion through
MPESA
lakini wakasema
tutume 3.4billion ya kutoa.
~ Two policemen decided to use suspects'
car
to
accompany them
to police station..they were instantly
promoted
to
glory.
~ They tried to sn**ch COTU frm Atwoli n
instead of
his usual Yiess
Yiess he said NO!
~ First lady went to London marathon...the
president
felt very lonely
and signed the marriage bill.
~ They said you would skip Kenya in your
African
visit.
~ Kimaiyo issues orders banning his own
orders.
~ I.G. Kimaiyo said all rallies have been
banned
including "rally
madowo"
~ Kalonzo suffered a rare disease called 'Last
Name
Syndrome'.
~ They claimed you knew the whereabouts of
Embu
Speaker.
~ Mithika Linturi developed an American
Accent and
began speaking
like Obama.
~ Maina Njenga started listening to Chris
Brown
Kinuthia's Song
"This Mungiki Ain't Loyal.
~ Joho's certificate became legit.
~ A.G. Muigai became a mortician and Amos
Wako a
surgeon...
~ Ole lenku said that makaburi was killed by
poachers.
~ Sonko and Shebesh became MR and MRS
SMITH!!!
~ Sonko showed Shebesh his gun...
~ Sauti Sol walitoa nguo na wakadai
kushikwa.
~ They forced our Linda Okello- envoy to
Kiambu to
wear baggy
trousers and cover her assets.
~ You were replaced with Aromat.
~ Aromat made all things possible...you need
to try it
baba!
~ Blueband has refused mkate nusu and
moved on to
ugali.
~ They killed your votes baba & burried
them
in
Kitengela mass
graves.
~ They killed spoilt numerous CORD votes
with
cheap
illicit brew.
~ Men were forced to post public apologies
to
their
wives in
newspapers.
~ Somalia gave travel advisories to its
cirizens
in
Kenya.
~ People from kisumu decided to speak
Engluo
"if
there are no jobs
we'll stand sugar cane on the thorax of the
village.

12/03/2014

now that munya is out who r u goin to vote as the nxt governor?

11/03/2014

THESE ARE THE GREATEST
PLEASURES OF LIFE.
BETTER THAN MONEY OR
S*X.
1. Finishing Your Meal with the LAST piece
of meat.
2. Getting in bed when its raining hard and
stormy outside.
3. When something stuck in your teeth finally
comes out.
4. Managing to finally sneeze after trying
unsuccessfully for over 4 times.
5. The Moment You see the waiter
approaching with your food.
6. Finally lying in YOUR OWN bed after
an exhausting
day or night out.
7. Waking up suddenly, checking the clock
and seeing that you have plenty of sleep time
left.
8. The other side of the pillow.
9. Visiting a friend and finding food at their
place. Plenty of it.
10. The smell of clean,dry clothes straight
from the dry cleaner or hanging line.
11. Making a baby Laugh. Over and Over
again.
12. Watching Your best friend stumble and fall
in the streets.
13. Or**sm.
14. The Moment when its too hot in bed and
you stick out one leg and catch some cool,cool
air.
15. That moment in a public Bus when Your
favorite song ends exactly when You've
reached Your destination.
16. Having a serious itching at a certain spot
on your back,trying to reach yourself and
scratch yourself unsuccessfully and finally
getting scratched by someone else perfectly.
17. Clean,Fresh bedsheets/ bed covers on
Your bed.
18. Finally removing Your bra after getting
home.
19. Going to bed immediately after taking a
shower.
20. Holding a baby and watching them sleep.
21. The smell of rain.
22. Finding a toilet,ANY TOILET ,And
finally being able to pee/poop after being
pressed for over 2 hours.
23. Asking a question on Google and seeing it
finish your words, meaning there are others
out there wondering the same thing as you.
24. Finding money You NEVER knew
You had at a corner of your pockets/purse.
25. Angrily banging your phone across the
room,rushing to pick it up gently,inspecting it
carefully only to find that NOTHING,
Absolutely NOTHING has happened to it.
26. When a Baby holds Your finger tightly in
her tiny hand as You walk in the streets or
market.
27. Doing something for hours, then returning
to Your phone and finding it full of text
messages and missed
calls.
28. Laughing so hard You cry. Or laughing so
hard that no noise comes out...You are just
there shaking like an idiot and holding on to
Your poor stomach.
Nothing beats such pleasures....
NOTHING!!!

11/03/2014

A married man was having a long-term
affair
with his secretary.
One day, they were overcome by passion and
they took off for her house, where they made
passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from
the wild s*x, they both fell asleep and didn’t
rouse until well into the evening. As the man
hastily threw on his clothes, he told the
woman
to take his shoes outside and rub them through
the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless
complied and then he quickly slipped into his
shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” demanded his wife
when he entered the house.
“Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having
an
affair with my secretary and we’ve been
having
hot, passionate s*x all afternoon. I fell asleep
and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,
“You lying bastard! You’ve been out playing
golf!
Who s to blame here?

08/03/2014

which part of meru r u frm?

03/03/2014

TOP 5 SCHOOLS IN MERU COUNTY
1.ST. MARY'S GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL
IGOJI 66.280
2.KAAGA GIRLS' HIGH SCHOOL 63.964
3.BUREIRURI BOYS SECONDARY
SCHOOL 62.127
4.NKUBU HIGH SCHOOL 61.94
5.MIATHENE BOYS HIGH SCHOOL
59.920
BOTTOM 5
IMENTI NORTH MUSLIM GIRLS
BOARDING HIGH SCHOOL 12.592
KIONI GENERATIONS HIGH SCHOOL
13.693
ST ANGELIC GIRLS 13.924
HOLY FAMILY NKUENE SECONDARY
SCHOOL14.166
MUKARAGATINE MIXED DAY SEC
14.241

20/10/2013

Who has ever played this?

08/10/2013

Miraa is not a drug! Says mututho! Like if u agree

29/09/2013

Mwanaume ni excuses

23/09/2013

"Ewe Kenya Nchi yangu, ewe Kenya mama
yangu, ewe Kenya baba yangu, sutakuwacha
milele...." (Whistling)

05/09/2013

Ati tha name SWAG is an acronym 4 Secretly We Are Gay!

05/09/2013

HEARD IN A BOTIQUE..
A girl tryin to fit a dress while a boy holding
her
handbag
Dem: Honey hii inanitoa aje..
Boy: Iko juu.... kwanza haga zmetoklezea....
Dem: For real i cant leav it... .. i better die
than
leave it
Boy: You must take it hun..
Dem: Please nisaidie kutoa doo nilipe (after
some time)
Boy: Doo ziko mfuko gani. Nimesaka
handbag
yote but nimwpata tu soo moja... hakuna doo
zingine kwa hii hand bag yako
Dem: Akh... i meant pay for me. Hiyo soo ni
ya
credo..
Boy: Sorry... pia mimi nina blu pekee. Ya
kubuy CONDOM

07/08/2013

Patrick girlfriend’s phone rings.
Patrick: Mary, your cellular gadget
has intercepted some
electromagnetic waves and is
currently summoning your
attention
Mary: What?
Patrick: your phone is ringing
Mary: i'am in the shower sweety,
please answer it for me
Patrick: hello….
CALLER: Mome ki Mary.
Patrick: your lingual is foreign to
my cochlea. Please utter alphabets
in a universal manner so that I
can derive sensefrom this
dialogue
CALLER: where is Mary?
Patrick: Mary is currently
interacting with a hot shower in
my master
bedroom that is located at the
attic section of my bungalow.She
cannot commence dialogue with
u as her phone is not water proof
like the one I own which can
receive calls even while i'm
submerged
in my marbled whirlpool bath.
CALLER: who is this?
Patrick: do you have air-time of
N100,000 and above? Any
airtime
below that amount is not enough
to permit me to finish explaining
to u who I am via the phone as
my accolades are too numerous.
But to comprehend me better,
visit any bookshop near u and
purchase a book titled “knowing
professor, the individual with
English PHD’s whose number
exceeds the mythical lives of a
cat”..I
authored it when I was minister
in the previous regime
CALLER: who are you to Mary?
Patrick: I am the individual whom
Mary surrenders to her fauna in
absentia of clothing…..
CALLER: come again?
Patrick: Yes I am the individual
who relays copulative sensations
to
Mary's pelvic areas
CALLER: say that again I don't
understand?
Patrick : I am the individual who
exposes Mary's lower limbs to
mirror an obtuse angle. I’m Mary's
boyfriend, And who are u?
CALLER: its Mary's mother.

17/07/2013

Driving styles in Different countries!!
1 hand on steering wheel, 1 hand out
the window...... USA.
1 hand on steering wheel and 1 hand
on horn..... JAPAN.
1 hand on horn,
1 hand on gear,
listening to a loud music.
1 Ear on cell phone,
1 foot on accelaration,
Nothing on brakes,
And
both eyes on a female in the next car.
KENYA...
We are multi-talented.

15/07/2013

Ameru say hi to admin

30/06/2013

A pilot announced that
"LADIES AND GENTS, WE ARE LANDING
IN 10
MINUTES".
The pilot forgot to
switch off the microphone then
he started speaking to his co- pilot,
"Nataka nikunywe chai kwanza alafu
nikute huyo air
hostess VITU.
Of course all the
passengers wakaskia hiyo maneno.
The air hostess being
embarrased, rushes towards the
cockpit to meet the rude pilot but she
trips and falls near an
old passenger.
The old passenger
tells her,
"UKO NA HARAKA YA
KUKUTWA AJE?? SI UWE MPOLE, KWANI
HAUJASKIA PILOT
AKISEMA ANAKUNYWA CHAI KWANZA??
Nkt!!

29/06/2013

(kwa stage,dame anakula biscuit za
ginger)
CHALI:(anamsorora na njaro)
DAME:(anakula tupacko tano kimchezo
tu,anaanza kulamba vidole akitafuta
tucrusts tumebaki)
CHALI:Eish madam,c uende uchemshe
izo paper ukunywe supu basi.nugu
ww!na nxt tym nkikupata ukido ivo
ntakugonga.underwear ya 9trunner
ww!
DAME:Mssscheeew,jipe shughuli kasia!

22/06/2013

One day, a teacher asked his class what the green colour means. Here the answers he got
kariuki: Mpesa
kerubo: mandizi
kipkoech: majani chai
keevoo(wa nai): afya centre
wepuru: muliro garden
ole ntimama: nyasi ya ng'ombe
omondi: gor mahia
mugambi: miraa
kalonzo: haki ya ngai, iyo mi siyui!

21/06/2013

Mhindi mmoja alienda kwa bank
kuwidthdraw
pesa, akaziweka kwa bag yenye
alikuwa
nayo..kumbe kuna waizi wawili
walimwona akiweka
pesa ndani ya bag..ile tu anatoka nje
ya bank tu ivi,
mwizi mmoja akanyakua iyo bag na
kutoka
mbio...mhindi naye akawa
anamkimbiza huku
akipiga manduru....ule mwizi wa pili
akawafuata
nyuma huku ameshikilia video
recorder..walinzi
kuona hivyo wakaendelea na
mashuguli zao
wakijua mhindi na mwizi ni movie
wana ACT..

19/06/2013

TEACHER: Student how many types of
coffee does kenya export to europe???
STUDENT: 2 types
TEACHER: Which one are they??
STUDENT: Kofi Olomide and Kofi
Annan
TEACHER: Very good Student, and it
shall remain like that until the
government raises our salary.

19/06/2013

>Mwanaumme ni kukiss dame wake
kila wakati ndo hasiongee maneno
mob
>.Mwanaume nikupiga gate ya plot na
mawe kubwa ndio majirani watoke
waone akiingia na dem msupuu
>. Mwanaume ni kununua njugu
kumwaga kwa mfuko na kutembea
akikula moja moja.
>. Mwanaume ni kupanga grains za
mahindi kwa path hadi ndani ya
nyumba yake ndo kuku ya jirani iingie
kwake.
>. Mwanaume ni kuweka sufuria empty
kwa jiko then ikikuwa moto
anamwagilia maji ndo jirani wajue
anakaanga nyama.
>mwanaume ni kumshika dem mkono
kwa supa
asi pick vitu ovyo ovyo

18/06/2013

MWANGI: How much is it to advertise
on obituaries?
NATION NEWSPAPER: Kshs 50 per
word...
MWANGI: Ok, write: 'Njoroge Died'.
NATION NEWSPAPER: Sorry Sir, but we
have a 5 word minimum policy...
MWANGI: Ok, write: 'Njoroge died,
Probox on sale'
NATION NEWSPAPER: ?

17/06/2013

Rolex, Seiko, Rado....bla bla bla
No matter how expensive your wrist
watch is, as long as it won't tell you the
Second Coming of Jesus Christ....then
its as useless as the letter "P" in the
word Psycho.

16/06/2013

*Hata panga iwe kali kiaje haiwezikata
kiu
*hata uwe kinyozi hodari aje
huwezi nyoa vichwa vya habari
*hata uwe msafi aje huwezi
nawamikono wakati
wakukula hongo
*hata ukule kiapo mara mia njaa itabaki
pale pale
*hata uwe na magari mia saba chooni
utaenda
miguu
*hata uzame vipi huwezi toka na
samaki katika dimbwi la mapenzi
*hata historia ya marehemu iwe nzuri
aje haipigiwi
makofi
*hata uwe fundi aje huwezi
repair breaking news.
*hata ukuwe mweupe aje shadow yako
bado itakuwa nyeusi
*Hata nyani awe mtaalamu vipi, hawezi
rukia branch ya benki
*Hata ukuwe mcaring aje, Huwezi
saidia bibi yako kubeba mimba
* hata manzi ajifanye maringo aje,pia
simba na ukali wake hutiwa mimba!

15/06/2013

tell me the truth.....did u sleep with ma chic????????

15/06/2013

One word to the hustler

14/06/2013

one word for this couple

13/06/2013

Supper almost ready.. Welkam all

09/06/2013

How many of u ladies would accept this proposal?
My dearest babie.
I promise i will not b the best man there is bt i will b just a man. I will try not to cheat bt once in a while is ok. I will support u bt that does not am a walking atm. I will b an ordinally kenyan man

06/06/2013

..... C semi ki2