27/06/2025
JHB
Bafethu Johannesburg is not for beginners ,here quick guide on How to Survive in Jozi:
1. If you get offered a quick Job, no matter how broke you're, walk away. Say No & don't look back; even if it's for charity, Baleka!
2. No earphones while walking in the CBD.
3. When you see a lot of People running & Shouting "Vimba" Just know sh*t's about to go down, Some A$$ whooping.
4. When someone offers to sell a brand new smartphone at a cheapest price in the CBD, Baleka!
5. Don't act stupid when you see celebrities at Braam /NewTown they're always there.
6. Do not wear Mini Skirts in Jo'burg CBD
7. Never go to China Mall alone, that side is a bit quiet & dangerous; You will be jacked.
8. In a TAXI Close your nearest window especially if you're using a taxi from Rivonia or Morningside, as soon as you enter Hillbrow put your phone away. Only take out your phone on the freeway because these local born Nyaope Boys Have skills on opening the Window from outside to access your phone, and It happens so freaking fast.
9. If you see someone with a big bag asking for taxi money to go home trust me, those streets are his home, they always have that bag & that Story, so Just keep moving
10. Those Nigerian guys by those Small Shops at Bree Taxi Rank will always stop you & say " Don't you wanna sell your PHONE for Good Money" Just say NO & flee fast.
11. Also when you see a guy "accidentally" dropping a stack of cash" don't pick up the money, just mind your own business & keep walking faster.
12. It Helps to walk where everyone walks, there are no short cuts in JOZI.
13. Never ask for direction especially at MTN taxi rank, it costs R150.
14. If you see a cow falling from the sky, don't look surprised just keep on walking.
15. Never say sorry
16. Never let anyone help you carry your bag, no matter how heavy it is.. Never.
17. Finally, The First Corner Rule. Very Important!! If you
find yourself walking alone & you see people following &
your Instinct tells you sh*t's about to go down you're damn
right, sh*t's about to go down so stay calm, act confident,
don't run at that point because if you run they will chase
you & catch your ass then get some ass whooping but, at
the first corner run as if you're trying to break Caster
Semenya's record, & When you look back you'll see them
Running after you from a distance. Remember, first corner
you become a damn Olympic Sprinter!
