12/08/2026
Once I grew up life got expensive lol
Landlords in 2006:
“$500 rent, $250 deposit. You got a job? Cool, here’s the keys.”
Landlords in 2016:
“$850 first, $850 last, $850 deposit… don’t ask questions. This is a deal.”
Landlords in 2026:
“Alright so boom —
• 3x the rent (before taxes, after taxes, spiritually too)
• $2500 first month
• $2500 last month
• $2500 deposit (non-refundable if we vibe check you wrong)
• 680 credit score minimum… but we prefer 750+
• No pets. (But for $100monthly👀)
No kids. No candles. No smoking. No va**ng. No breathing. No existing.
• $85 application fee (we will ghost you btw)
• $350 late fee if your payment blinks at 12:01
• 6 references, 5 stubs, your horoscope chart
• Background check, foreground check, side quest check
• Fee for utilities.
Apartment:
550 sq ft (including the emotional damage)
Carpet seen 3 recessions
Fridge hums like it’s fighting demons
Stove got a lean like it’s tired too
Listing says: ✨“Spacious Luxury living”✨
