19/04/2025
28 Reflections of a 28-year-old ̶g̶i̶r̶l̶ woman
Post #13: LABELS LABELS LABELS
lABELS, I have never liked them. I’ve never wanted to be boxed into anything. I go to UCCSA, in case you don’t know, that's a Protestant church and without realizing it, my whole personality kind of became protestant. Always protesting against any and every label.
I don’t want to have a niche.
I don’t want a boring job.
I’m not a slay queen.
Doctors have said that human beings today rely heavily on labels to define their entire life experience — and that can be dangerous. The label I hated most? The whole introvert vs extrovert thing.
So when they came up with a new one, “ambivert,” someone who has traits of both and I kind of rocked with it.
You see, people often describe me as someone who loves people —very social, very bubbly. But I’ve always felt like there’s a cap to it. I love spending time alone. I like shopping alone, eating out alone, spending an entire weekend, ALONE binging different movies.
But something my therapist once said to me shifted my perspective completely:
"What if you don’t actually love doing everything alone? What if you just got used to it because growing up, you had little to no help, so you learned to cope by doing everything yourself?"
When she said that, I broke down. It was one of the first times she really got me to cry.
I have a very haphazard way of doing things, in Setswana we say, "ke tshwara ke lesa."
Not once, not twice, but multiple times, people have suggested that I may have ADHD. (You know how people love to self-diagnose then they'll throw some your way too.)
While chatting recently with a childhood friend who has a degree in Early Childhood Development, she said something that stayed with me:
"Honestly, a lot of our generation shows symptoms of ADHD — it comes from growing up around the same time as our parents were figuring themselves out too."
Years ago, a therapist had done a short psychometric test and suggested that I didn't have full-blown ADHD, but may show some symptoms.
Last year, I saw a psychiatrist who was quick to shut it down. He said ADHD is a personality disorder, which I do not have. Instead, he suggested I might have more of an anxiety disorder.
I could tell he was annoyed — probably tired of the surge of people walking into his office trying to self-diagnose with every trending label. Honestly, working in that field must be equal parts fascinating and frustrating these days.
Anyway, I couldn’t wait to seek a third opinion, so I bought this book online about ADHD.
It’s a really quick read, and the tips have helped me immensely.
I highly recommend it to anyone who feels like they may have ADHD or ADHD symptoms.
I think one of the biggest mistakes I made was convincing myself that I loved being alone.
Because I grew up feeling alone, I thought isolation was my natural state.
So I crafted a life where I spent 80% of my time alone, I even ensured that I lived alone.
At first, it felt empowering.
But over time, it became something else.
I was watching House today, and his doctors said something to him that stuck with me:
"Isolation breeds depression."
This year, isolation made me the saddest, most unproductive version of myself.
Today, my partner literally had to stay on the phone with me after noon, gently asking me to please brush my teeth and wash my face — and he refused to hang up until I did it.
He honestly saved my day with that.
When I was still partying and drinking, even though I'd deal with the usual "hangxiety," I think it was actually the happiest I'd ever been. I was around people. I had community.
Though this past year has been transformative, it has also been the loneliest I’ve ever felt.
With my new, quieter lifestyle, I recognize that I don't even know how to ask people to hang out anymore.
Especially when I'm broke. I don't know how to just say, "Hey, can I come over and chill?" Even reaching out like that gives me anxiety.
Jesus — when he went into the wilderness — didn’t stay there forever.
He spent 40 days in isolation to reconnect spiritually, and then he returned. He came back to the people.
Christianity will never teach you to abandon everyone and spend your entire life in seclusion because the world is "evil."
(And honestly, that kind of thinking is more arrogance than humility.)
Real humility is allowing yourself to love and be loved — to tear down the walls you've built, even the ones that once kept you safe.
Community is important.
Congregationalism is important.
Spiritual growth is important.
And yes — they’re all meant to work together.
I think transformation comes in phases, and hopefully after this reflection, I’ll start doing what needs to be done so I don’t end up truly depressed.
Because at the end of the day, sadness wasn’t some mysterious force.
It was just loneliness.
And missing my people.
