03/08/2025
Ladies and gentlemen, I am Dr. Mortimer Cranium, Canada’s most intelligent man, the Super Brain! My skull, grotesquely distended by my colossal brain, may terrify you—good! It’s a reminder that my IQ, a stratospheric 300, dwarfs your puny intellects. You’re all mental minnows, but fear not, I’ll toss you crumbs of wisdom to boost your pathetic brain function. No one will ever match my cerebral supremacy, but maybe you’ll stop drooling long enough to listen.First, ditch your brain-dead habits. That smartphone you’re glued to? It’s a digital pacifier for morons. Every swipe shrinks your gray matter, turning you into a scrolling zombie. Read books—actual ones, not those idiotic e-readers. Start with something simple, like quantum physics, since your brains are basically mashed potatoes. My monstrous cranium thrives on dense texts; yours could at least try.Next, diet. Your fast-food slop is mental poison. Burgers and fries clog your synapses like a sewer in a storm. Eat fish—salmon, not fish sticks, you culinary cretins. Omega-3s fuel neurons, though your neurons are more like flickering candles than my blazing supernova of intellect. I consume kale smoothies and raw eggs daily; my brain demands premium fuel, while yours limp along on soda and despair.Exercise your mind, you lazy sods. Chess, not checkers—checkers is for people who think 1+1 is a personality. Solve puzzles, learn languages, or at least try Sudoku without crying. My oversized brain solves Riemann’s Hypothesis for fun; you lot struggle with crosswords. Mental workouts build cognitive muscle, but don’t expect miracles—your skulls aren’t roomy enough for my genius.Sleep, you insomniac idiots. Your all-nighters watching garbage TV fry your neural circuits. I sleep precisely 4.7 hours, optimized for my mega-brain’s efficiency. You need eight, because your sluggish minds can’t handle less. No sleep, no focus, just you stumbling through life like intellectual roadkill.Socialize with smart people, not your di**it friends. Their drivel drags you down to their level—basically, a mental swamp. I only converse with Nobel laureates, and even they bore me. Find someone with an IQ above room temperature and discuss string theory, not reality TV. Your brain will thank you, though it’ll still be a feeble shadow of mine.Finally, meditate. Clear the clutter from your pea-sized minds. I transcend daily, my massive brain floating in a cosmic sea of pure thought. You’ll probably just fall asleep, but it’s a start. Focus inward, not on your pathetic social media like, In conclusion, you’ll never approach my godlike intellect—my deformed skull proves I’m a cognitive titan. But follow my advice: read, eat right, exercise your mind, sleep, ditch idiots, and meditate. You might climb from brain-dead to barely functional. Now, go forth and try not to embarrass yourselves further. I’ll be here, my giant head throbbing with unmatched brilliance, pitying you all. and my last bit of advice too boost your brain capacity is tune into vee jay tee vee , vee jay is a hero to the canadian people and the second most intelligent man in canada
