Jarad Tokich

18/09/2025

I often think of what my life would be like as someone else. Whether it was the way I was raised, my own folly or something else, the result is a life that I've often disliked in hopes I could change.

"Maybe one day I'll be good enough"

And this has been a keystone of my pain and suffering for much of my time here.

When I finally sat down to answer that childhood plea, I had to face the inevitable

"Good enough for whom?"

Seeking that answer has been a challenging one as you might imagine. Though the reality I find is that the truth is far more effective than vanity.
So I have to be honest here, that answer. Is God, myself, and to no small extent you.

We see ourselves as one thing and then everyone sees us in some other way. Sometimes with slight variations and other times wildly different. So what can I do about this idea about becoming "good enough"?

The answer, as many things, was so. Please enough to come to, but hard enough to execute that it stemmed into impossible.

To God I'm already enough, to myself, I can choose, and to you... Largely, most people don't really care and that was never part of the day.

Not very satisfying 😔 but important!

Can I find something in this body of death to achieve greatness? Maybe, but 30 years on and I've found little with potential.

Yet when I look into the spirit man, the one cleansed by The Blood of The Lamb, then it's all worth pouring into, to shine up and present to God because He wants me to be with Him.

Now churchinese aside, brass racks; I don't want to be someone else, I never did, it was a false premise. What I needed and still do, is to learn how to both dislike the bad or inadequate in me and celebrate the part that God loved me enough to die for. Confused? Good, me too. But that's introspection for you.

This bridge is over a bay, a body of water ride with not a lot of activity but plenty of obstacles to get in and out of the bay. Literally sometimes a bridge over troubles waters (lol) and I drive it every day to work. My tori kes come with me, but somehow, I get home everyday and things keep going. Good enough for now.

18/09/2025

I've been thinking a lot lately, I've not been able to spend the time to really put these thoughts down about recent events.

Charlie Kirk has been killed. This isn't a fun fact, but it's true.

I feel saddness for his family, for those whom he served, for those that relied in him. But he was a Christian, he believes in Christ, and Jesus resurrected. Guys... The man is in a wonderful place with Jesus. So for him I'm this moment I rejoice for the saving grace he ascribed.

Now for the part that troubles me, and the thing that prompted a time of thinking and praying.

Some of you Christians have found too much comfort in whatever world you've made for yourselves. Not going to the outcast, inviting the stranger into your home, giving to those who ask of you without reproach.

Church, you've been too comfortable and all of the rhtoric from the killing of a man, both of you think he was a heinous racist or a mighty saint.

Move into the truth that God has a plan, and maybe you're interpretation is wrong, and dwell in discomfort searching after the truth of God.

christians, do better at serving God. Read The Bible and do what it says.

Rich people, revel in your poverty, poor rejoice in your riches.

If your people don't include who you view as "ugly" really ask yourself if that's what Jesus said. Make yourself comfortable and only keep comfy people around. You know those who love you.

Love doesn't spout heinous venom.

Out of some of you I've seen bitter water and sweet. Poisoning any sweetness that came from you previous.

Watch your words church. Watch and see what happens, and actually love those that hate you.

05/09/2025

A minute, is a lot longer than it seems, AND way basically no time at all... Depending on what it's spent in.

I find myself taking time with many things, like social media, and the time melts away and a minute is an unreasonable amount of time to think I could check Facebook and get out, not enough!

But

As I think during the day, I have many moments that I'd really like to consider more on, deeply explore and imagine a more co.plex version of or even just write down... But that would take too much time!
..

A few days ago, I used a recorder to log my thoughts, just a few ideas on what to share here, one to remember and encourage myself when I'm unable to be positive, another for practical life goal planning. A variety.

These I still have, in full detail. Logged, and in full no short hand at all.

45 seconds. It felt like I was speaking for eternity, like the moment would engulf the full time I had to enjoy. But, 45 seconds was the longest of the recordings.

2 minutes, 7 seconds.

Multiple instances recorded for remembrance to encourage and log semi important thoughts. I was not swamped with record, these moments felt long and obtrusive.

But an important moment to allow my thoughts, which I want to record but brush off as too invasive to my schedule, we're in fact not.

I think it's worth it to ditch some of the real time hogs though lol. (Maybe just a little at least)

29/08/2025

There isn't too many things I consider great, golden, precious, magnificent. But one of them is the depths of night and the quiet it holds.

This pic came from a night Hahnna and I went camping. We had a little fire to watch and just be still in the darkness. When I was a kid the dark held a lot of fear but now it's less an entity and more a state of being. (Although for sure I get totally freaked sometimes)

The big reason I highly value these moments and slices of existence is because there isn't any other thing like it, where life slows, minds, even those racing, coast even if it's down hill. It's as close to a physical form of peace I can think of.

And in this peace, resides a flicker of light, just a reminder nothing more, of the one who made it. Who spoke it into being.

The dark becomes a sort of cathedral, in every empty space, every hallway, every room, cupboard and crawlspace. Darkness comes eventually and brings that form of peace and with it the potential for light to shine but only the potential.

dark is the night, and deep is His love whom inhabits it. For the light resides in the dark, as it pushes it away.

Don't get me wrong here, the eternal dark is nothing to be praised. But the darkness that simply herald the morning, holds place for the light to rise. This I find beautiful, as it flies away, the peace is made manifest in the light. Powering up again and moving forward in its place. Also beautiful... But a discussion for another, day. Goodnight peeps.

26/08/2025

26/08/2025

Envy, it's an ugly thing. I think we can agree pretty universally. Maybe not everyone but perhaps most of you agree.

I've been wrestling with this idea... That I can suffer from envy.

I infact believe, as much as it is difficult to realize, admit and honor as a reality, I think envy has been a part of my life for far too long.

Now what? Sit in the dark hoping things change, look at social media and churn in my emotions while others love their lives?

Obviously not, but that's only what we know, what do I actually do?

Get really honest, move forward and acknowledge those emotions as at least what they are.

So I've been trying that, although not something to be impressed with, it's been good. In a slow, patient, quiet kind of way.

The other thing I've been thinking along side of this is how in the spectrum of human experiences and importance of history, especially in reference to what God does, and how He values things, I'm doing just fine.

Even, if it doesn't feel like it. 🙂

24/08/2025

"There's more than one way to skin a cat"

Anyone else roll their eyes at this?
In reality there IS a right way to do some things, the key is that there are sometimes a few, sometimes a lot and more often than I want to admit, a tiny fractions of the ways one can accomplish a thing, barely any are the best way.

In order to understand this, I've taken the long way round many different forms of learning. From others is the less painful kind, from your own experience in defiance of others is likely the more painful way. But the best way I've learned the true way of a thing, is by humility in any circumstance.

This stove was a gift, it works great, I love it. But that stove it's sitting on... Works. Works great. I WANTED to use the gift, and I FELT like it was better. It wasn't. Not bad but not the best. Took a while to actually think about it and do the math. Propane built in stoves, seem to work pretty well. And they're quite a bit easier then a separate camp stove. Lol who would e thought. 😂.

Humility, easy to want, hard to gain.
Kinda like wisdom, but I think both have their worth higher than gold.

23/08/2025

I've decided something, nothing dubious, nothing unrealistic, but still difficult for me.

I've decided to write 100 songs. Not to polish or really even finish but to simply write.

A couple other things too but that's a big one for me.

I recently installed some sod for the first time and this reminded me of that commitment.
Steady and consistent. The same thing over and over. The first few(all were heavy) went slow. Then I figured out just how sturdy they where and it was way less scary to move around and place correctly. I think it turned out well! And I get to take care of the lawn too so that will be fun to see how it does going forward.

Music has rarely been so consistent. I aim to change that for a bit. Maybe I won't be polishing much for a while or maybe the consistent writing might create a habit that contributed to finishing more songs. Idk. Whatever happens, I hope the end I can find the bounds, cut and organize what needs doing and nurture the foundation as it lays. Maybe cut and fertilize it too lol.

23/08/2025

What use is it to hate those whom I feel strongly about? A tickle of relief, a bit of superiority for a moment? Fleeting these the lot of them.

I see a lot of it though, flying high and loud. Hatred. Unabashed hatred. Maybe more inflammatory by way of words rather than action and so neutered by inability, maybe a form of powerlessness.

I know that as I attempt to love as on of the the books of Corinthians describes, and the rest of the Bible assumes, it is highly likely hatred creeps in. Not just the temptation but the manner of practice through small and maybe some larger things I would rather not think on. But who am I? What business do I have with anything other than myself? The answer is sobering and constant. I am no one. But also, I am God's. So. I'll keep seeking His kingdom, stumble on the way, but still try to find some peace in those times the love I'm learning about can manifest beating out that dark hate. Even once. I'm excited about it, and keep the effort for more instances.

Hate is easy, so I'll keep trying to love hard. Following Jesus and His yoke.

22/08/2025

What can I say at the end of such a day as this?
Much comes to mind but flits away in the moment before words come to breath to produce sound. It was a good day, it was a solid breath in and out, but the exhale has been steady and drawn out.

The end of the day is here and now I feel the fridges of my reality tingling, cascading from solid to particles in a beautiful bloom of a dissolving blink of the eye.

What I mean to say is this,
Even a good day, full of hope, even motivation doesn't stay so for long. Or forever. It's our job to trudge through the hard parts.

But also...
Not everyone sees the same mud.
You and I have varying degrees of the stuff. And in different locations. Similar in make up but not the same landscape.

I've been reminded of a reality in this world. That those who have get and those who give get. But those who don't have, get taken from. This is amoral. It's not something that causes me great discomfort in its reality, only in its effects. These discrepancies creep into souch of our lives. From where you go to school, to what you think of when a color flashes on a screen. Our parents, grandparents and so on, have paved a path for us. Some get to stroll a mostly well constructed path, others cruise a super highway, some... Some have to chop down barriers, traverse mounds of trash or even delay an enemy simply to continue to stay stationary much less move forward in life. This isn't only wealth, but certainly includes it.

The thing though is that non of these positions hold greater meaning than another. Riches get comfort and control, poverty gives abundant wisdom and humility(at least they can produce these things). No one story or path is better than another. As difficult as I find that to swallow there can't be any more so wrong example to me than Jesus. Majesty made poor on our account. To debit His righteousness to us.

Rejoice for this day, good then slow, (for me this way today) or any which way your day has gone, we are eternal, and free to choose grace and unending joy.

If today was a hard one. Maybe just like yesterday... Your pain is not lost. Your suffering is not gone nor is it forgotten. A reminder, you did well, you're here. Let that be good.

20/08/2025

It's a particular day that assaults my hope, but as hard as days have gotten, nothing actually kills it.

Silly place to get the idea but I think it stands, prince of Egypt has a song and one of the lyrics is "though hope is frail, it's hard to kill"

I've been considering this phrase for a few months now. Some days really seem like my hope in something, tomorrow, my future in general, provision, even God is dead where it stands. Some days it seems that hope wasso empty a brief wind blew it over and exposed the tragic reality and frailty of my being, but as the new day comes or after rest has done its work, maybe even in the midst of a global freakout, the hope I've always had in the God who made and saved me, it never fades completely.

Now of course this is not a truth rooted in The Word. However, it is something that I've noticed in my life as of late. Since the object of this hope which I've also come to understand is another aspect of FAITH, is more massive than I imagine.

But into greater conversations!

I've heard of a metric in the lives of Christians that aggregate our hopes and dreams. Something that quantifies all of our pain, debauchery and that little bit of crazy we all have.

It's prayer. To God.
That thing we do when we talk to the one who made everything. That thing He told us to do. That thing He wants.

Coincidentally, hope, faith, and prayer have something to do with each other when directed towards God. They never fail to produce something good. I think it's peace or something like that.lol